Every church member should have things they can be proud of their pastor for having said. Here's some of our most memorable and touching

Words Of Wit from R.C. Sproul, Jr.

and his sage sidekick Laurence Windham, our [defrocked] pastors at St. Peter Presbyterian Church and the Highlands Study Center.

We wish to remind you that if it weren't for your generous financial support to the Highlands Study Center, it just wouldn't have been possible for our pastors to have published such inspirational comments like these:

RC Sproul Jr. on the importance of being introspective:
"I know me well enough to know that I could fall off some theological deep end, and maybe take some poor souls with me."<sup>1

RC Sproul Jr. on the theology of beer:
"One of my favorite intellectual debates centers around this question - is bad beer better than no beer? A corollary is this, Is free bad beer better than good beer?"2</sup>
 
"I managed to stay clear of beer, until the next time I had an opportunity to consume some."³

"In most churches when they say, 'Hide the beer, the pastor's here!", they mean it one way. But here at St. Peter we mean it an entirely different way."⁴ 

RC Sproul Jr. on chugging beer:
"I learned that alcohol is a powerful social lubricant, so much so that high schoolers who normally wouldn't give 13 year old Jim and me the time of day, were more than willing to adopt us as mascots, and to pour beer down our throats for entertainment. I learned that perhaps the greatest sport a jock might aspire to was chugging beer. And I learned that I was pretty good at it."⁵ 

RC Sproul Jr. on symbols of brotherhood:
"Now I was drunk enough that drinking together was a delightful symbol of brotherhood. Urinating together as well was a delightful symbol of brotherhood."⁶ 

RC Sproul Jr on alcohol and sexual prowess:
"Around that keg we were taught the TKE fight song, which celebrated first the capacity to consume great quantities of alcohol, and second, sexual prowess. I still remember the chant to this day."⁷ 

RC Sproul Jr. on the birth of his son:
"I always knew that if God should bless me with a son that he would be the walking whiskey bottle, RC the Fifth."⁸



RC Sproul Jr. on his agrarian vision:
"In short, we're a hardy band of prairie muffins, but of the Scottish variety."⁹
 

RC Sproul Jr. on having his "colors done":
"I don’t remember what I ended up being, but I remember what I was rooting for. In this system your 'color' comes out as a season. Some people are winters, some springs, and some summers. I knew however, that whatever the cloth said, I was a fall."¹⁰

RC Sproul Jr. on being foolish, immature and effeminate:
"Try as we might to mature and to grow beyond this peculiar brand of foolishness, I'm afraid that at heart we are still junior high girls."¹¹
 
RC Sproul Jr. on why women shouldn't be permitted to blog or have web sites:
"People are teaching who shouldn't be teaching. And people are learning where they ought not to be learning. A husband who loses his wife to a hook-up with some internet Lothario is probably better off than one who returns from work to find his wife safely at home, but having been seduced into Rome by some charming blogger."¹²


RC Sproul Jr. on virility and testosterone:
"My hormones went on hiatus once again, until reawakened in the fifth grade."¹³



RC Sproul Jr. on drinking the Kook-Aid and being a cult leader:¹⁴
"It's not surprising that some might be afraid to drink the kool-aid here."
"For some time now there have been some inside and outside the church who have either insinuated or said outright that Saint Peter Presbyterian Church is a cult.^{" 15}
Top Ten Reasons To Join Saint Peter Presbyterian Church in the Summer:
#1. The Kool-Aid tastes better warm.¹⁶

RC Sproul Jr. on moving to St. Peter Presbyterian Church:
Question: "Will I have to eat grits?"
Answer: "It's either that, or the kool-aid."¹⁷



RC Sproul Jr. on his aspirations of becoming Rambo:¹⁸
"I want to buy an assault rifle so I can shoot bad guys." (said to a group of pastors in Auckland, New Zealand in January, 2005)

RC Sproul Jr. on beating wives:
"Nor would I deny that some ethnic/cultural subgroupings have experienced greater common and special grace than others. A Scot, for instance, is less likely to beat his wife than a Pakistani."¹⁹


RC Sproul Jr. on telephone etiquette with "Phone Pimps" (telemarketers):
"Be bold and tell them to get a real job. Tell the callers that they are the lowest form of human life on the planet, that they are thieves of our time and our peace, that they are uninvited intruders and if the law and technology allowed, we would shoot them like rabid dogs."²⁰



RC Sproul Jr. on not measuring up:
"My father and I are in the same line of work in the same way that the Space Shuttle and a paper airplane are both man-made flying objects. I don’t need to worry whether I will measure up, because no one ought to expect me to."²¹



RC Sproul Jr. on love:

"My tongue trembled when I sealed the envelope. But my heart exploded when a week later she too signed her letter, Love, Clare. It was a magic summer."²²


Laurence Windham on love:<sup>23

LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLFirst oveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove</sup>
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLCorinthiansveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLov13oveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveLoveDo it!


Laurence Windham on the real reason that real men should make their wives wear head coverings:
"Have your wife cover her head in church. (Whether you agree with the practice or not it freaks people out.)"²⁴



Laurence Windham on the Associate Reformed Presbyterian Church denomination not knowing their butts from a hole in the ground:
"Just recently I was changing my two year old son. Before I had fastened his diaper on he reached back to his lower posterior and said 'butt'. As a dad I was rather happy with the ongoing development of my child's noetic structure. My son now recognizes his derriere from, say, a hole in the ground. Of course, we use a colloquial phrase regarding this distinction between that part of our anatomy and a man made orifice for the securing of fenceposts to judge common sense. I'm not sure you as a body could tell the difference."²⁵



Laurence Windham on how to be a real man:
"It is time, gentlemen, to get rough and rowdy. Break the apron strings; it is 'tea time' no longer. Put on some Levis. Pull on some boots. Pour yourself some scotch. Forgo shaving. Start wearing flannel. Light up a stogie. Try a Tarzan yell."²⁶



Laurence Windham on the "Practicum" of lighting cigars:
"Be sure to let all the sulfer burn off the head of the match before you present it to the end of the cigar. Then just make sure the center of the head of the cigar is glowing red when you take a draw and you're ready to smoke. Remember, do not inhale. You are a smoker, not a sucker."²⁷






Footnotes:

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1. Disassociating, Every Thought Captive, Vol 4, Issue 3 (2000)
2. Book Reviews, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 5, Issue 4
3. Brothers Forever, Ligonier Tales
4. RC Sproul Jr. in a Feb '05 St. Peter Sunday evening service
5. Brothers Forever, Ligonier Tales
6. Brothers Forever, Ligonier Tales
7. Brothers Forever, Ligonier Tales
8. Legacy, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 3, Issue 6
9. Oh Go Home, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 5, Issue 4
10. Falling In Love, Ligonier Tales
11. Junior High Girls, Highlands Study Center Squiblog
12. What Are You Talking About, Highlands Study Center Squiblog
13. Second Love, Ligonier Tales
14. The Vision by RC Sproul, Jr., Every Thought Captive, Vol 2 Issue 3
15. August 9 2005, Highlands Study Center Squiblog
16. Top Ten List, Every Thought Captive, Vol 9, Issue 5 (2005)
17. So You're Thinking About MovingHighlands Study Center
18. As retold by RC Sproul Jr. in a Feb '05 St. Peter Sunday evening service
19. My People, Highlands Study Center Squiblog
20. Phone Pimps Are Dogs, Highlands Study Center article
21. Son Of A Preacher Man, Highlands Study Center Squiblog
22. A Second Love, Ligonier Tales
23. Cartularium, Windham's "collection of news and other vital documents"
24. Skirting The Issues, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 6, Issue 1
25. Open Letter, Every Thought Captive, Vol 4, Issue 1 (2000)
26. Skirting The Issues, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 6, Issue 1
27. Smoke 'Em if You Got 'Em, Every Thought Captive, Vol. 3, Issue 1

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