Sorry, no song lyrics today. Just didn't think of one...Or maybe it's because I haven't had the chance to listen to any music today. You see, I was in a six hour meeting. SO FUN! (sarcasm)
At any rate, read the verse on the side today...It got me thinking. Matthew 5:44-48. Pray for and love your enemies. This has truly been on my heart lately. I don't think enough people live it out fully. I don't think I live it out fully either. I think we fight fire with fire. I think we, mankind, breed anger. Of this I am not a fan.
Anger is a difficult emotion for me. Let me share a story with you. When I was a sophomore in HS I was dating a guy named Morgan. Morgan had a twin brother, Keith. I don't remember what we got into a fight about or anything that was said except these words that spewed out of my mouth, "Keith is definitely the nice twin!" I was pissed to say the least. I used to get mad VERY easily and I was not afraid to show it.
The next day we had a game in a town about 30 minutes away (I was a cheerleader: surprise surprise). Well, I knew Morgan was supposed to be at the game. I waited and waited, he never showed up. Again I was mad, he lied to me...Grrr...Then a classmate showed up and shared some news with me. Morgan and a friend had gotten into a bad car accident and he was in the hospital. WHAM! Hit me like a ton of bricks. Had those been the last words I said to him? Had I really gotten Angry over such trivial stuff? What if Morgan isn't ok? Will he forgive me? Fear. Stress. Sadness. Embarassment. All these emotions and more came flying my way.
I got home and called Morgan's house. His "dad" (Morgan didn't live with his family) answered and told me that yes, Morgan was home and he'd be okay, but he had flown through a windshield. Wow. Thank you God. That night I prayed, I prayed that I wouldn't have such an angry heart anymore. I haven't really had one since...God is THAT powerful. I apologized to Morgan, he forgave me...It was great.
Here's what I face now. I never want to be angry at people...I will openly say, "I'm upset" or "I'm frustrated", but rarely will I say, "I'm angry." So when I do get angry, I don't know how to handle it. A lot of people yell, or badmouth, or smart off...I become silent and when I do start to speak, I usually start crying. I'm sitting here trying to figure out why I start crying when I'm angry, I think it's because it hurts me so bad to possess that emotion--it hurts because I know what a horribly powerful emotion it is.
The strange part is, I think since that situation with Morgan...I've probably gotten angry at God more than I have gotten angry at people on earth. I think most often I get angry when bad things happen. You probably weren't expecting me to say I get angry with God, strange thought, I know. I've been honest with God about it though...Offered it to Him...And to my utter amazement, He's taken it. Everytime. All of it. I always tell people, "When I'm angry, you'll know." It's true. I'm not afraid to express it because I never want to leave the anger there. I don't want others to see anger in me. I want to be able to leave this world with things resolved, peaceful, ammended.
What got me thinking about this today is a friend of mine at work. She always gets REALLY mad at our boss and will smart off, cuss, shuffle her papers, do anything and everything to let everyone know she is mad. She'll even use words like "hate" when discussing the situation. I "hate" that she uses "hate" so loosely. I used to get really mad at our boss too...Just pissed...Act very similar to the way she did. Then a friend said, "Have you prayed for your boss?" My reaction, "NO! I wouldn't know what to pray for!" Her reply? "It doesn't matter, let God take care of that."
So I started. "God, I pray for Cindy, even though I don't know what to pray." Eventually the prayers got a little more detailed, but not very...Sometimes it's ok to be vague in prayer, since the Big Guy knows what He's doing anyway. Slowly the anger left, my heart softened and I wasn't unbearable at the workplace anymore. I could confront her on things and carry on a work relationship. Granted she still frustrated and annoyed me more than most, but I wasn't angry towards her.
That's what I love about God. There's always some sort of answer there, we just need to be hit on the side of the head to realize it. He makes things simple, He CAN create a new heart within us, a heart that doesn't posses anger.
I have a prayer list. A bunch of recipe cards that I taped up under my vanity mirror. So when I'm blow drying my hair, putting on make-up or even sitting on the toilet...I can remember people I need to pray for. When I made the list, there was a little battle in me..."I don't want to pray for them, they've wronged me..." Tug...Tug...Tug...Yep, you guessed it...There was God, pulling on my heart, saying, "Bethany, just give that person to Me, I'll take care of them." Ok...I mean, afterall, "God knows best!" Now I have ex-best friends, ex-boyfriends, co-workers and all sorts of random people on my prayer list. I love it.
The other day a friend was over and saw it, he said, "Wow, you pray for a lot of people." My reply, "That's funny...Because I was just thinking, 'I don't pray for enough!'"
Lord help me to pray for my persecutors. Help me to pray for those that I really don't want to pray for. Soften my heart and humble my soul. Help me to never be satisfied with the amount of people I am praying for, but to always remember I can pray for more. Help me to be slow to anger and rich in love. Thank You for your love. Amen.
At any rate, read the verse on the side today...It got me thinking. Matthew 5:44-48. Pray for and love your enemies. This has truly been on my heart lately. I don't think enough people live it out fully. I don't think I live it out fully either. I think we fight fire with fire. I think we, mankind, breed anger. Of this I am not a fan.
Anger is a difficult emotion for me. Let me share a story with you. When I was a sophomore in HS I was dating a guy named Morgan. Morgan had a twin brother, Keith. I don't remember what we got into a fight about or anything that was said except these words that spewed out of my mouth, "Keith is definitely the nice twin!" I was pissed to say the least. I used to get mad VERY easily and I was not afraid to show it.
The next day we had a game in a town about 30 minutes away (I was a cheerleader: surprise surprise). Well, I knew Morgan was supposed to be at the game. I waited and waited, he never showed up. Again I was mad, he lied to me...Grrr...Then a classmate showed up and shared some news with me. Morgan and a friend had gotten into a bad car accident and he was in the hospital. WHAM! Hit me like a ton of bricks. Had those been the last words I said to him? Had I really gotten Angry over such trivial stuff? What if Morgan isn't ok? Will he forgive me? Fear. Stress. Sadness. Embarassment. All these emotions and more came flying my way.
I got home and called Morgan's house. His "dad" (Morgan didn't live with his family) answered and told me that yes, Morgan was home and he'd be okay, but he had flown through a windshield. Wow. Thank you God. That night I prayed, I prayed that I wouldn't have such an angry heart anymore. I haven't really had one since...God is THAT powerful. I apologized to Morgan, he forgave me...It was great.
Here's what I face now. I never want to be angry at people...I will openly say, "I'm upset" or "I'm frustrated", but rarely will I say, "I'm angry." So when I do get angry, I don't know how to handle it. A lot of people yell, or badmouth, or smart off...I become silent and when I do start to speak, I usually start crying. I'm sitting here trying to figure out why I start crying when I'm angry, I think it's because it hurts me so bad to possess that emotion--it hurts because I know what a horribly powerful emotion it is.
The strange part is, I think since that situation with Morgan...I've probably gotten angry at God more than I have gotten angry at people on earth. I think most often I get angry when bad things happen. You probably weren't expecting me to say I get angry with God, strange thought, I know. I've been honest with God about it though...Offered it to Him...And to my utter amazement, He's taken it. Everytime. All of it. I always tell people, "When I'm angry, you'll know." It's true. I'm not afraid to express it because I never want to leave the anger there. I don't want others to see anger in me. I want to be able to leave this world with things resolved, peaceful, ammended.
What got me thinking about this today is a friend of mine at work. She always gets REALLY mad at our boss and will smart off, cuss, shuffle her papers, do anything and everything to let everyone know she is mad. She'll even use words like "hate" when discussing the situation. I "hate" that she uses "hate" so loosely. I used to get really mad at our boss too...Just pissed...Act very similar to the way she did. Then a friend said, "Have you prayed for your boss?" My reaction, "NO! I wouldn't know what to pray for!" Her reply? "It doesn't matter, let God take care of that."
So I started. "God, I pray for Cindy, even though I don't know what to pray." Eventually the prayers got a little more detailed, but not very...Sometimes it's ok to be vague in prayer, since the Big Guy knows what He's doing anyway. Slowly the anger left, my heart softened and I wasn't unbearable at the workplace anymore. I could confront her on things and carry on a work relationship. Granted she still frustrated and annoyed me more than most, but I wasn't angry towards her.
That's what I love about God. There's always some sort of answer there, we just need to be hit on the side of the head to realize it. He makes things simple, He CAN create a new heart within us, a heart that doesn't posses anger.
I have a prayer list. A bunch of recipe cards that I taped up under my vanity mirror. So when I'm blow drying my hair, putting on make-up or even sitting on the toilet...I can remember people I need to pray for. When I made the list, there was a little battle in me..."I don't want to pray for them, they've wronged me..." Tug...Tug...Tug...Yep, you guessed it...There was God, pulling on my heart, saying, "Bethany, just give that person to Me, I'll take care of them." Ok...I mean, afterall, "God knows best!" Now I have ex-best friends, ex-boyfriends, co-workers and all sorts of random people on my prayer list. I love it.
The other day a friend was over and saw it, he said, "Wow, you pray for a lot of people." My reply, "That's funny...Because I was just thinking, 'I don't pray for enough!'"
Lord help me to pray for my persecutors. Help me to pray for those that I really don't want to pray for. Soften my heart and humble my soul. Help me to never be satisfied with the amount of people I am praying for, but to always remember I can pray for more. Help me to be slow to anger and rich in love. Thank You for your love. Amen.
