Where is the line when it comes to women Teaching men? May women preach on Sunday mornings? Teach a Sunday school class? Lead a small group? Instruct a seminary course? Speak at a conference? At a couples retreat? Or on the radio?

May women ever teach from Scripture when men are in the audience? Should men even be reading this article? How far is too far?

It’s a question being asked by scores of women who want to be faithful to the Bible and want to exercise their spiritual gift of teaching in a way that honors God’s pattern of male headship in the Church.

The discussion surrounding the boundary reminds me of another how-far-is-too-far issue: How physically affectionate should a couple be prior to marriage? Should they hold hands? Kiss? Kiss for five seconds, but not fifteen? Lip kiss but not French kiss? How far is too far?

Well, the Bible doesn’t exactly specify.

Trying to put together a list of rules about permitted behaviors would be both misleading and ridiculous. But we’re not left without a rudder. The Bible does provide a clear boundary. Sexual intercourse prior to marriage crosses the line.

God reveals for us the principle of purity, gives a clear this-goes-over-the-line boundary, and to help us figure out the rest, provides us with the gift of his indwelling Spirit in the community of the saints. And thankfully when we mess up, he stands ready to extend his lavish and costly forgiveness and grace.

Pre-marital sexual intercourse crosses the line. But let me ask you this: Can a couple physically honor the boundary and still violate the principle of purity?Of course they can.

So, a woman who only considers the boundary and asks, “How far is too far?” is really asking the wrong question. A better question would be, “Do I love what God loves?” “Do I treasure what he treasures?” “Does what I do with my body indicate that I treasure purity?” And, “How can I best honor Christ in how I physically interact with my boyfriend?”

By now you may be muttering, “I thought she was going to talk about women teaching men in the church.”

I am. But I think the question of how I — as a woman with a spiritual gift of teaching — ought to honor male headship in the church has many similarities with the question of how a young woman ought to honor the principle of purity. In the former situation as well as the latter, God hasn’t given us a detailed how-far-is-too-far list. He’s given us a broad principle, a clear this-goes-over-the-line boundary, and the gift of his indwelling Holy Spirit to help us figure out the rest in the wisdom of community.

God wants us to honor his divine design by honoring the principle of male headship in our homes and church families. The church is God’s family and household (1 Timothy 3:15; Hebrews 3:6; Galatians 6:10).

The “family” part is key. The Bible teaches that in the nuclear family unit, as well as in our corporate church families, the father — or multiple fathers in the case of the church — have the responsibility to lovingly lead and humbly govern the family unit. This pattern is repeated on multiple levels: A husband is the head of his home, elders are heads of their local churches, Christ is head over the universal Church, and God the Father is the head of Christ (1 Corinthians 11:3; 1 Timothy 3:4–5; Hebrews 3:6).

God wants us to value and honor this pattern and cherish it as he does.

The biblical term for a church leader is elder or overseer. Churches today often call their leaders “pastor.” Some churches call every person on paid staff a pastor — even if that person is a female and not an elder. To avoid confusion over all the conflicting terminology, and to be clear about what I mean, I will call the men who occupy the biblical office of elder/overseer, and who govern and lead the church family, the “church-fathers.”

God gives us a clear boundary for how we ought to honor the principle of male headship in the church. We honor it by letting the church-fathers govern and teach the church-family. Scripture indicates that women are to remain quiet when the church-fathers are providing this type of authoritative family instruction. “I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet” (1 Timothy 2:12). That’s the boundary we must observe if we want to honor the principle of male headship.

But what does it mean? What about a woman preaching Sunday morning? Or Sunday night? Or Wednesday night? Or Tuesday morning? Or sharing her testimony? Or speaking at a co-ed Bible study? Or to a mixed audience at a religious conference? Or teaching a seminar when men are present? Or leading a prayer meeting? Or teaching at a co-ed seminary? Or privately mentoring men? Or preaching on TV? Or the radio? Or instructing men through articles and books?

If I am a woman who is gifted at teaching, at what point do I cross the line?

As in the case of purity, I believe that putting together a set of rules about permitted behaviors would be both misleading and ridiculous. Furthermore, I believe that asking “How far is too far?” is asking the wrong question.

For me, a better question is: “Do I love what God loves?” “Am I treasuring Jesus by treasuring God’s model of headship? Do I uphold it and support male headship as a good and beautiful aspect of God’s wise plan? Does how I exercise my teaching gift indicate that I value it?” And, “How can I best honor Christ in how (and in what context) I teach?”

I believe the question of how to honor Christ through the exercise of my teaching gift revolves around the issue of whether I’m acting like a church-father. Am I doing something that is, or will likely be construed as, setting the doctrinal and spiritual direction for my entire church family?

Most churches gather to hear the church-fathers teach and instruct the family at weekend church services, particularly Saturday evening and Sunday morning. That’s not to say that every weekend service is focused on doctrinal instruction and leading the family, or that the weekend is the only time such instruction takes place. But as a rule, in most churches, the weekend service is the context in which the official teaching and leading of the church-family happens.

Because I want to honor 1 Timothy 2:12, for my good and the good of the church, and because I believe it presents a fairly clear boundary about women teaching authoritatively in the local church, I generally turn down invitations to speak on Sunday mornings. The passage indicates that the doctrinal teaching delivered in the context of the regular church meeting is the responsibility of the church “dads.” The way I honor and treasure God’s model of headship is to remain quiet and let the church-fathers instruct the family.

I say that I generally turn down invitations to speak on Sunday mornings. There have been exceptions. I once accepted an invitation to speak on Mother’s Day, when a church-father prefaced my talk with the qualification that he wanted to honor moms and have me give special instruction to the women on that day. I have also accepted speaking invitations when the church-fathers have asked me to give an overview of the history and philosophy of feminist thought, speak about cultural or women’s issues, share my testimony, or to report how God is working through my ministry.

I have been on panels and participated in question-answer format teaching at weekend church services in conjunction with men. There was a time when a church-father and I team-taught one Sunday morning because the topic had a specific his-and-her application, and he thought it would benefit the women in the audience to hear things from a woman’s perspective.

I have also taught men in multiple venues that didn’t qualify as a church service — like camps, conferences, seminars, seminary classes, and workshops. Later in this article, I’ll present some guidelines I use to help me determine whether or not accepting an invitation to teach men in a religious, co-ed venue honors 1 Timothy 2:12 and the principle of male headship.

But before I get there, let me stress that although there are exceptions, I believe that as a rule, treasuring and honoring God’s model of headship means that I refrain from teaching during the regular weekly gathering of the church (that is, preaching Sunday morning) — even if I am asked to do so. Just as I defer to my husband when he is providing spiritual leadership for our family, so I defer to God’s desire that it is the church-fathers who deliver the doctrinal instruction and direction for my church family.

I do this joyfully. I am not a church-father. I am a woman and therefore a spiritual mom. I delight in the fact that God has created us male and female and wired us to be spiritual dads and moms. Arguably, because I am a gifted teacher, I could do a better job of interpreting the text and delivering the sermon than many church-fathers do. But that would miss the point. It’s not about competence. God created the family and, in the family, men are supposed to be the dads and women are supposed to be the moms. It’s not a question of who is better at it or more gifted. Male-female roles are neither identical nor interchangeable.