Today is day 6 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 162 pounds
BFI: 27.8%

This post is slightly delayed so that I could share what happened at my worship service this morning. With my fast I didn't know what to expect when I went to church. When you open yourself to the Lord you can get knocked off your feet, and that is what happened this morning.

I missed the beginning of the service because I was serving elsewhere in the building when it started. I walked in halfway through the service and found a seat in the middle. The pastor ws talking about the soveriegnty of Jesus and how he is seated on a throne in heaven. Why should we fear when our Father is in Heaven and is in control of everything. We can trust Him to control the orbit of the planets and the weather, but not the little everyday things.

Now I am a very shy person, almost crippling shy. I like to go unnoticed. In high school I used to stutter if put on the spot, and even now it will come back when I become anxious or stressed. Not cool. This is relevant because when I go to worship service, I do not put my hands up. I see people singing with all their hearts, they hands stretched out in praise, and I want to be one of them, but I don't do it.

I once saw a movie called David, with Richard Gere. In the movie, as they are bringing the Ark of the Covenant to the temple, he leads the procession into the city. The whole way there he dances like a mad man. Losing himself in praise to the Glory of God. When I attend worship, I feel like David. I want to dance like a mad woman in the aisles, but I don't. I keep my hands clasped behind my back and sing softly.

I have reflected on this often, and my conclusions are not good. Why don't I do what my heart is telling me to do? Why don't I raise my hands and sing out how much I love my Father? Is it because I am worried about what others will think? Is it because the man next to me is resolutely watching in a stoic manner? That's a silly reason to deny Christ.

I love my daughter more than any person in the world. I will make an absolute fool of myself in a public place for her. Running through the airport to hug her. Dancing in a grocery store to make her smile. Singing where people can hear me if she is upset. It's because I love her so much. If I can do it for my daughter, why can't I do it for my savior?

So today, our pastor ended the prayer with a request for the people. If you feel like you are not close to your God, then come and kneel at the altar to pray while the band plays. I am in the middle of a fast. I yearn to be obedient to God, and to humble myself before him. So the lights dimmed and I forced myself to walk up there with the many others. I knelt before the altar, with tears streaming down my face, as my insides clenched in fear. There are over 3000 people that attend our church every week.

I wanted God to know that my love is stronger than my fear. I wanted him to know that I will be obedient against any fear. I prayed my love for him, and tried to show my devotion through humility. After I returned to my seat, I stood with my arms outstretched over my head, even though I was the only one in my row to do so. I was horrified, but my love for Christ is stronger than my fear.

I consider this a victory for Christ. I didn't care about the fear that has plagued me for over 25 years. Today I stood for my Lord. I thought about Peter denying Christ, and his shame. I don't want that shame. I want to stand for my Lord, and today I finally did.

Praise Jesus!

If you would like to hear this sermon, click this link. The Church at Battlecreek