Hi r/Buddhism! (Sorry for this long post) I want to practice Buddhism so I can have some balance in life. If not Buddhism, then any type of practices that you all use to find that perfect “middle” lane in life. Any advice or tips or just anything really. I appreciate and thank you al for the feed back :)))

Background; I’ve meditated before but lately I just can’t. I sometimes start to feel fear and I try not to hold onto it while I meditate but idk. It’s hard. I smoke a lot of weed(which is something I’ve tried to mix with meditation, but even the paranoia effect hits me very hard) at the same time I want to ween off it(tolerance too high, money being spent, etc) I have also tried lsd and dmt. A lot. And after my trips I always have a big sense of connectivity with everything. It’s weird to explain but it’s like if I see a ladybug instead of killing it I let it crawl to my finger, I step outside and set it on the ground very gently. I also suffer from depression and anxiety :(