To he honest Buddhism makes me depressed.! For some years I've been rationally considering my options. I think if i wont reborn after my death there is no difference in me dying right now or in 50 years later. Because if death is the end of everything and if death is like an eternal sleep with no dreams, why bother going through all the suffering of life?

So i thought of committing suicide. But the problem is Buddhism!. I ruled out possibility of any other religion being true by logical reasoning. But i find that there is a significant chance of Buddhism being the reality of life. Reasons for my thought is mostly the flawlessness of the Buddhist doctrine and the fact that so many things that Buddha said about the universe have been proven right by modern science. i.e. agganna sutta .

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This hurts me because i wish that after death i will sleep for eternity but as per Buddhism i will go through the cycle of life and death infinitely if i dont do some really hard stuff and attain nirvana. If i won't, ill live most my lives as animals or in hell. And if i commit suicide i'll collect bad karma and will make my samsara even worse.

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But the thing is even though Buddhism sounds so convincing, i don't want to commit to it and do all those hard things as Im not 100% sure whether Buddhism is true. So i wanna do a comparison and take a decision. I think what im trying to convey is coherent

Another question is, if i commit suicide realizing 'pointless nature' of life would i accumulate lots of bad karma.? Logically i think it wouldn't , And i know as per Buddhism, level of my next life will be determined mostly by my last thoughts before dying so Won't i have a better chance of maintaining good thoughts if i control my death (suicide)..? And what are the possibility of me getting a human life again in next life?

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