The Problem of Being Selfish. Yes, most of us know being selfish isn’t good. And we’re really good at recognizing when other people are selfish. But do we know when we are being selfish? Furthermore, for Christians, do we even realize the full extent of our selfishness? Not to mention, how we should react when other Christians are selfish? It may not be what you think.
Before I get into it, I have to say that I wasn’t even going to write anything today. Just didn’t feel like it. Then even though I had a feeling I wouldn’t want to read it, I opened up the email with today’s Verse of the day from BibleGateway.
As soon as I read it, I knew my first feeling was right. I shouldn’t have opened it. But then, right away, I also knew it was exactly what I needed to read.
For someone who’s really Christian – someone really trying to follow Jesus, as opposed to just giving ourselves a title – that’s the first thing to realize about being selfish. There’s a difference between what we want and what we need.
When we get a “message” from the Holy Spirit about something we need, but we proceed to ignore that and do what we want, then we get to part of the problem of being selfish. In my case, what I wanted was to do nothing. But apparently, what I needed was to write something. And so, here I am. Writing. About being selfish.
The first problem of being selfish – Silence
You read that word “silence”, and think it’s something about the selfish person being silent. If that’s the case, you’re wrong. That’s not where I’m going at all.
Let’s start with the full passage that contains the Verse of the day:
The Ministry of Reconciliation
2Co 5:11 Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade men. What we are is Plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience. 12 We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart. 13 If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. 14 For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15 And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
Verses 14 and 15 were the ones in the “Verse” of the day. But I think, as always, the whole passage in needed to understand the context from which any one or two verses are pulled.
Before we get into analyzing what the passage says – here’s my conclusion about silence and being selfish.
When we, Christians, see another Christian who is being selfish – we should consider whether or not silence is the correct thing to do. We’re people. Selfishness will happen from time to time. But when it becomes too frequent – too much of a way of life – we really need to pray about how to approach the selfish Christian to have a loving discussion about it.
I know – we tend to be silent. Well, sort of silent. We love to complain to others about a selfish person. Did you see what so and so did? That person never pays me back when they borrow money. They always expect people to help them, but when their help is needed they’re nowhere to be found. The list goes on and on. And then there’s all the things we tell ourselves about whoever those people are.
But do we ever actually approach the person we think is so selfish? Probably not. It seems rude – so we don’t do it. But tell me, is telling the selfish person to their face any worse than gossiping about them? Or is it maybe a better approach? Is silently fuming about the selfish person, growing frustration into hate the right way to go? Or is telling them to their face a better approach?
Why we should maybe not be silent when other Christians are selfish
Let’s just start off with the very first sentence in the passage.
Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade men.
Uh Oh. That’s not about the fear the Lord part. (See The problem of “Fear of the Lord” for more on that concept.) No, the issue here is “we try to persuade men“. We’re supposed to try to persuade people to do something / be something. Of course, that something is to become Christian – like us. (See The Great Omission from The Great Commission) The problem with being selfish is that when we behave just like everyone else, where’s the incentive for them to be like us? In fact, in the wrong ways – we’re already like them! We’re supposed to be different. Better. More like Jesus. And no one’s going to say that Jesus was selfish.
Paul continues: What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience. Paul was talking about how the people of the church in Corinth viewed him and those traveling with him. I’m going to extend that, and say what we (ourselves) are is plain to God – and each of us should hope that what we really are is plain to our own conscience. (It’s just like what David said to God. See Search me, know my heart, test me.)
Sometimes we don’t see. Sometimes we block out what our conscience tries to tell us. It happens. So sometimes we need someone to do what Jesus did in this instance:
Jesus at a Pharisee’s House
Lk 14:1 One Sabbath, when Jesus went to eat in the house of a prominent Pharisee, he was being carefully watched. …
Lk 14:7 When he noticed how the guests picked the places of honor at the table, he told them this parable: 8 “When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. 9 If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, ‘Give this man your seat.’ Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. 10 But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all your fellow guests. 11 For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Of course, we shouldn’t say it in front of the whole group. Jesus was making a point to all of them. In the case I’m talking about, we are talking about one person. So a one-on-one discussion is appropriate.
I get it. We don’t feel comfortable doing it. But honestly – is it better that the selfishness bothers us to the point where we hate someone? And more so, it is better that everyone else who knows this person has the same opinion? Is it better that a Christian, who is looked at as an example of a Christ follower – is rendered pretty much useless as a witness for Jesus? Even worse, should they become a negative witness for Christianity – turning people off?
That’s all bad enough. But there’s more.
It’s time to look not at someone else, but in the mirror.
The second problem of being selfish – Silence
No – the heading isn’t wrong. The second problem is the same is the first. It’s still silence.
In my case, I didn’t want to take the time to write anything today. Actually, I haven’t for the last couple days. Then I read that email with the Verse of the day. It would have been much easier to just ignore it. Actually, it would have been easier to not even open it. Truth is – it was impossible to ignore.
Once I read it, I knew it wasn’t coincidence. I’m not so self-centered (I hope) as to think everyone who subscribes to BibleGateway’s emails had to endure this passage just because I needed to hear it. More likely, there’s a whole bunch of us who needed to hear it. And it’s not like there’s no one who couldn’t use it as a reminder.
After all, they’re verses from the Bible. You know, this Bible:
2 Ti 3:16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
That’s all Scripture. The whole Bible. And the “useful” cases covers pretty much everyone.
Teaching – either learning for the first time or as a reminder.
Rebuking – letting us know when we messed up.
Correcting – letting is know what’s the correct thing to do, as opposed to what we actually did. After all, just saying “Don’t do that” without an alternative “Do this instead” isn’t very helpful.
Training – once we’re out and trying to accomplish the Great Commission, even with the head and heart knowledge, we still have to work out our way of following God’s lead to accomplish our tasks as Christians.
To the extent that we let our own selfishness take over the things we do – we’re not accomplishing the things we promised to do for God when we were baptized.
That hurts. Not that God’s going to love me any less. But I feel like I’m letting down the One who came to this planet, suffered and died. Including for me.
What if Jesus said He didn’t feel like it? Well, actually, He did say that.
Jesus Prays on the Mount of Olives
22:40-46 pp — Mt 26:36-46; Mk 14:32-42
Lk 22:39 Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. 40 On reaching the place, he said to them, “Pray that you will not fall into temptation.” 41 He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, 42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” 43 An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. 44 And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.
Lk 22:45 When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. 46 “Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.”
Yes – Jesus did say He’d rather not have to go through with the suffering and dying. But He did it. Jesus wasn’t selfish.
If I want to do more than just claim to be a follower of this Jesus – if I want to actually try to be like Jesus – how can I say I just don’t feel like doing something I promised to do? Writing and teaching seems to be the gifts I was given, to reach other people. That’s not suffering. It’s not dying. I really did promise to do those things. See God – is it time for me to go home? So how can I just say – sorry, I don’t feel like it?
Answer – I can’t.
So I wrote this. Certainly for me – as a reminder. Certainly for Jesus – it’s a tiny little piece of fulfilling the Great Commission. And – maybe for you?
Image by John Hain from Pixabay
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