Meanwhile, live in such a way that you are a credit to the Message of Christ. Let nothing in your conduct hang on whether I come or not. Your conduct must be the same whether I show up to see things for myself or hear of it from a distance. Stand united, singular in vision, contending for people’s trust in the Message, the good news, not flinching or dodging in the slightest before the opposition. Your courage and unity will show them what they’re up against: defeat for them, victory for you—and both because of God. There’s far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There’s also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting. You’re involved in the same kind of struggle you saw me go through, on which you are now getting an updated report in this letter.

Philippians 1:27-30 The Message (MSG)

I am going to rant a second!  Just cause you think that being gay is a switch to turn on or off does not mean it is!  It is not like being fat and choosing to stay that way as it was put to me recently.  It is not like addiction that you manage.  Being gay is embedded into your soul.  Now, do I believe that we choose to act on it?  Yes, but you straight people choose to act on your straightness.  I know that this should not get under my skin but it did.

I wish people would say what they mean and not use stories to say it at times.  I get it, Christ always used a story, but there were times he just frankly stated something.  I guess you can say though that I am hurt that today people still see it as a choice and something that can be prayed away or turned off.

I keep reading the scripture above.  "Your courage and unity will show them what they're up against" sticks out.  Us in the LGBT+ community have to be in unity.  We have to have courage to speak up.  The other part that sticks out is "There’s far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There’s also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting."  I know now what it means to suffer in Christ and for Christ.

I suffer at the thought that I will never have a mate to come home to.  I chose this, but don't mean I don't suffer at it.  I suffer when others say you can't be gay and Christian.  I did not choose to gay, but I did choose my Christianity!  Yet some who are make it where I want to rethink this Christian thing.  Then I remember I chose Christ, not people, I chose His love, not others.  

My mind is racing as I type this and there is so much I wish to say.  I just can't get it to slow down enough to get it all out. 

I go to the first verse in the passage above.  "Meanwhile, live in such a way that you are a credit to the Message of Christ"  Am I doing this?  Am I living where Christ is seen first in my life and not my sexuality?  My sexuality, though big to some, is just a small part of my life.  I am also a birth mother, daughter, diagnosed with Mental Health, alcoholic, mental health peer specialist, and more.  Not one thing defines me, but if one did, I would want it to be Christian. 

I don't know where I stand on some things and I know that is okay.  I know what to do till I do.  I trust God, first and foremost.  I compare things to His word, not just one translation but many.  I study and I learn.

Will I date one day or even shall I say marry another?  I don't know.  Right now celibacy is working and took a load off my mind. I do know that my choices are just that, mine!  I live with the consequences.  Not another pays my debts, except Christ did.  He chose to do so.

Okay, I will step down off my box.... I don't have all the answers, but I do know how to find them when God reveals them to me!