For a Christian, that the Bible teaches something is the grounds for doing it. If you can see the pattern throughout Scripture, repeated and upheld in both Old & New Testaments then that, for us, should more or less be good enough.

For someone for whom the Bible is not necessarily trustworthy or true, for whom it does not constitute a final authority for life and godliness then ‘because the Bible says so’ is often not convincing. For them it would be more helpful to see how the evidence stacks up. And when it comes to the pattern for forming families the evidence for the Christian way of things is stacking pretty high.

For instance Christians should be monogamous because despite some of the examples in the Bible, Genesis laid down a pattern of one man and one woman, which Jesus affirmed, and which the church taught and we should continue to follow. Marry just one person at a time and, preferably, if at all possible just one person for life.

Yet as the West rapidly rejects wholesale Christian practice there is also a renewed discovery that in actual fact monogamy has a lot going for it.

As a basis for relationships monogamy is better than the alternatives. It is also the best foundation for family life: not just a two adult household, which is empirically better for families than one but preferably a two opposite-sexed parented family.

There is even a sequence to doing this, that if followed greatly enhances your life and future prospects. It is so noticeable that it has a name: the success sequence. Finish school, get a job, get married and then have children. In that order. Mess with the order you mess with your own future well-being.

In fact you can add another qualifier in there, don’t cohabit before marriage. Cohabiting without marriage is demonstrably less stable even though idiot governments seem to see cohabitation as preferable.

Here’s the standard practice for relationships.

• Don’t have sex before (or outside of) marriage.
• Don’t cohabit before marriage.
• Get married (don’t be afraid of getting married younger than say 30) to someone of the opposite sex.
• Have children.
• Be faithful.
• Stay married.
• Die.

Now, there’s grace for all the ways and all the people that wander off the track and then seek to get things straight again. People come into the Christian faith at all the stages and there’s grace at every stage. There’s grace for those that get it wrong. There’s grace for those for whom these things don’t happen. This isn’t the standard for every Christian, it’s the standard for those that enter into relationships. Some may never marry. Some may never have children. Some may get the order messed up. Some may deal with abuse, abandonment or adultery. For some divorce may even be necessary. I believe there’s forgiveness and there may be second chances. None of that changes the pattern.

The Bible isn’t particularly ambiguous about this pattern and neither is the sociological evidence. Christians should be convinced & so should anyone else who cares to take an honest look at it.

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