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A Child

If this blog was a human (wha?) it would be a small, or maybe not so small, I don't know these things anymore, child.  It would be an almost ten year old.  What is that... grade 5?  6?  My blog is a middle schooler?

Which somehow makes my brain slide sideways to the number of guys I've dated who had kids.  There have been more than a few, which I suppose happens once you hit a certain age.  Or something.  But there was one guy I didn't date, partly because I didn't quite get around to seeing him that way, but mainly because he had a daughter.  Who, I think, was five at the time and it was a huge deal to me.  (His relationship with his ex was also very difficult but I digress)  Now, I think about it and that little girl must be at least out of high school.  Maybe off living on her own.  What would that have been like, to have been with that guy and that girl all this time?  And maybe now it would be just the two of us and what would that be like?

My counsellor asked if I was a bit of an existentialist and I was at a loss for an answer.  I don't think of myself as prescribing to any particular school of thought.  I don't think I feel like I've ever dived fully into something enough to give myself a political or religious or philosophical label.

I don't want to start getting into musing about labels now either.  The one I've put on myself so clearly for the longest time is the one that's attached to my work.  The one that's almost old enough to start thinking about driving.  The one I don't talk about here because it's never seemed wise to talk about work but that is such a source of what's spinning my head around these days, which... hard to write.

I don't read through my archives as much as I might have thought I would, but when I do it's an.... interesting experience.  I read through my first year's trip to Burning Man, trying to remember how on earth Jay ever knew where to find where I was camped.  I still don't know, but re-reading through that brought back just how scared of the trip I was and just how terrified so much of the travelling down I was and that made me sad, because I'm still held down or held back by fear a lot.  And the way through that is, of course, scary. 

But as children do, this blog has grown.  I'd say grown up, but opinions may differ on that.  But it is not the same and probably will continue to grow as time goes on.  Changed, perhaps.  Which should be proof that people can change too.  Should change, really. 

Hopefully for the better.

This post first appeared on Advice From A Single Girl, please read the originial post: here

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A Child


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