I've been struggling a little extra this last week or so and I'm not entirely sure there's a solid reason why.

Jason suggests I "get like this" at this time of year which isn't wrong but also not helpful, but yeah, the holiday hype season does get to me.  There are also workplace things that are poking buttons that Anxiety is having a field day with so that's got to be part of it.  My Dad's going to have surgery in January and I'm pretty nervous about that hoping he'll be ok and hoping they can both stay well and not be bumped from surgery due to covid/flu/illness.  Plus feeling the extra strain of money (especially at this time of year) and worrying about words like recession and inflation and oh hey here's a rent increase for you since the government says we're allowed to again.

I'm sure I'm running a medium-low level of depression and I'm sure my anxiety level is similar but this doesn't quite feel like either of those... I just don't feel right.  Perhaps it is a sort of generalized anxiety that I would imagine many of us are feeling these days added to feeling helpless to change anything in either my day to day or the larger world/community stage.

And maybe some pressure from myself to be MORE and BETTER and not doing much about that other than beating myself up for.... like, not?  I don't know.

I just have been not great this last week or so and I do not like it and I wish there was something I could take to feel different.  You know, magically and instantly.  Le sigh.