I had so many Burning Man thoughts this week and especially this weekend as the big/main pieces (the Man and the Temple) burned.

If we imagine that everything in my life works enough that I can go again (and again and again) then I still feel kid of stuck and mixed.

Because there is SO much to do and it really feels like never enough time to do all of it or even most of it.

Like when I was watching the man burn this year (from the web cast) I noticed a few things about the pyro show (no spoilers in case you end up going one year) around the man burn and that reminded me of 2016 when I somehow (?) ended up talking to the pyro team out in open camping.  I was so interested in what they did and how they did it and so much about them that I really did think about looking at camping with them and shadowing them and being a part of that, but then that would take up the Entire Burn, which would mean all the other things I want to fully immerse in would have to wait.

Like being involved in the healing camp I Volunteered a (reiki) shift at at my last burn.  I'd like to try camping with them and dedicating an entire burn to that, but then all the other things would have to wait.  So for me, thinking about an imagined return one year, I feel like I'd have to have either five burns in a row (not going to happen) or that I'd have to go year after year after year just to try all the things I'm interested in out there.

One year to connect with a healing camp.  One year to connect with a blowing things up safely group.  One year to do ESD again.  One year to take out and install art.  One year to focus on socializing and participating with camps.  One year to push my boundaries on accepting gifts (I usually kind of avoid this?)  Some could argue that I could do all these things in one year and sure, that's possible but also draining.  When I went in 2016, I combined a lot of things... I drove solo, I stayed with a support camp, I volunteered with ESD shifts (and learned I'm really probably not a graveyard shift person!), I volunteered with the healing camp doing a few hours of reiki, I volunteered to take photos for an event, I got accepted to take my own photos via the Org media mecca, I met a bunch of people I'd previously only known online, I did a lot.  And I was tired.  It felt like sort of over extending myself but also not?  It was good.  The travel situation didn't help my overwhelm I suppose.

But yeah, when I think about doing all the things I'd like to do while I'm there (while also taking care of myself physically and getting enough sleep and staying "cool" and healthy and all the rest and in this imagining there are no major health outbreaks for me to think about... sigh.) it never feels like enough time.  Ever.