My brother has not returned to the United States of America since Columbine and has told me he never will.  He says he refuses to go to a Country that lets its children be shot in school and does nothing about it.

I understand what he is saying and am wrestling with my potential future visits myself.

I have many great friends who live in the States.  Some of them moved there, most of them were born there.  I have had wonderful times in the few states I have visited, and I know my travels there are limited but I've enjoyed time in Hawaii, Oregon, Nevada, California, Texas, and Washington since I was a child and well into adulthood.

When the Republican party chose Donald Trump to be their... I don't know the proper term candidate? I was terrified for the future of the country.  When he was elected, I thought hard about not travelling that way again.  But I did.  In 2016 for my interesting solo trip to Burning Man, and then again in 2018 to visit some of my Burning Man friends in Seattle.

In 2019 I thought about going to Burning Man, as I have every year since my last trip, but every year since my last trip I can't justify the expense, so I, yet again, did not go.  And then Covid hit later that year and the thought of travel was eliminated.

Travel is on again, of course, with limits and regulations, but I have no desire right not to travel to the States.

The call of Burning Man is strong this year, but even if I could afford to go, I do not think I would.  Because of my Covid caution certainly, but also because it feels less and less safe to me as a country.

I think now and then of making a stand like my brother did.  There are many moral reasons for me to say "no more" to American travel.  But there are also places there that I have long long wanted to see... like the Grand Canyon, places I've wanted to take a friend or loved one, like the Black Rock Desert in Nevada.  I wanted to go with Max to White Sands New Mexico.  If there was a reason to see New York I'd not mind that either.  The South.  The Mississippi.  So many places that have been part of the stories and lore and media I have consumed my entire life.  Beautiful beautiful places.  I mean hell, I fell in love with an American, despite our actual, literal, and obvious cultural differences (no for real, they showed up).  

Jason talks to me a lot about places in the Olympic Peninsula area he'd like to take me.  There are places along the Oregon coast I would LOVE to see in person.  Some of those giant redwood forests.  The plains and the wild horses.  And yes, I'm aware that Canada too is an incredibly beautiful and diverse country more than worth my time, energy and effort, but America is RIGHT THERE. 

But America scares me right now.  And American law is not supportive of humans right now.  My own country is struggling.  My own country is looking carefully at those who wish to play copy cat.

Plus Covid.

So when I add all these things together... Covid in the States and while travelling... gun-based violence increasing seemingly daily.... unsupportive laws and restrictions.... needing to buy medical travel insurance so as not to go bankrupt if sick or injured.... plus my financial situation and difficulties... there is not enough making me want to go there right now

Will I ever return to the United States?  I don't know.  I really don't know.  Will the country as a whole notice if one little Canadian doesn't visit?  Nope.  So it's not about "punishing" a country by keeping my money away, it's about asking myself if I can spend time in a place that is all the things it is right now.

I suppose in some way it's similar to wanting to still like music from an artist you find out is an asshole, you know?

And for what it's worth, I did not celebrate Canada Day and I haven't in a few years.  I'm not fucking "proud" of this country right now either.