It did not take long to understand context of the silent agreement between my Mom and Aman. In fact, I had to do nothing to find out. It revealed itself without any efforts from my side. Right after that moment, I became prisoner. I was not left alone, even for a friction of a second except for the moments when I had to release myself from the nature’s call. He even followed me to Washroom. Can you believe, someone watching you when you are peeing? Such focused attention makes me feel uncomfortable when someone has a focus on my private parts.

I had to set the rules. It’s a different story that I had no authority and no one followed my rules. Finally, I had to adjust accordingly. Sometimes, I had to keep waiting to find a moment when I could be all alone at least in those moments of distress to release the pressuring bladder. The college and classes were a relief because I could get some “non-Aman” time. But soon I realized it was a false assumption. Aman was not the only person involved in this game. The whole gang was involved. They had well defined time-slots and places with the precise sense of “responsibility” on their shoulders to no to leave me alone at any cost. They religiously followed it as if it was an  order from their Commander-in-Chief. They never revealed it to me that they were doing it as a part of plan or any instructions given to them for it but they always tried to make the things appear to me spontaneous and natural.

First day was okay, I tolerated somehow, but it became a problem by the end of the day. The whole day, I had no time for myself or to spend a few moments in memories of my beloved Roommate. In the evening when I reached my home, I was still not left alone even for a moment. They were not planning to say a good bye at the end of the day. Rather, their talks revealed the “tonight” one of them is planning to sleep with me at my home because he was too tired of going back his home. The funny part is the one who planned to stay with me, was hardly living a block away from my home. And what made him tired? Whole day, we did not hit the Gym or any other sports or physical activity. All we did was sitting together doing chit chats or attending classes.

I protested against this idea. I politely asked them to leave, but my request was just ignored. They did not hear me at all. They behaved as I was non-existent and my concerns for some private moment were a kid’s-cry for a Unicorn. Living away from my love of life was already a punishment in itself, but this was becoming a torture. I was not able to live my life, or talk to my roommate on phone or even find a few moments to think about him.

A couple of days passed but there was no relief to me.  Slowly I, who had already lost interest in my studies, or career prospects, also started losing interest in such life and the friends. My friends were still the same loving soul and I was able to see their affection and love for me, but I wasn’t able to tolerate that prison anymore.

One day, I was checking my emails when Aman, who stayed in my room with me last night, went to washroom to get fresh. This was the only time available to me to check my “private” mailbox. There was an email (feedback) from one of my online diary readers, the “KS“.  The message was short, very short. But it had something that appealed me. It ended with the lines ” I pray for the best for you too. God bless you, God bless you always.
Love you both.“. His message touched me. I was already undergoing such emotional state of mind that anything which brought me close to memories of my roommate, were the most favorable things in this universe for me. He sweet blessed wishes were for Goodness of both of us, my roommate and me. Someone who wishes us together, or wishes good for my love of life, was bound to be getting more closely connected to me.

I thanked him for his words of appreciation and felt connected to him when he said while reading my eDiary, he was “Living” me in my eDiary.  His style of writing was hinting that he is a well educated guy with a sensitive heart. I was already down with emotional trauma of separation from my roommate,  and on top of that under close 24 hour monitoring by my gang of buddies. When he empathized with me, it was but natural for me to feel a sort of connection with him. He was able to understand the kind of suffering I was going through after getting separated from my roommate. He was the one with whom, I could share my pains that I was not able to share even with any of my friends. Strange enough, he was about my age, give or take a couple of months.

Connecting with the KS was a little relief for me. He was not a desperate sex-seeker (no sex related chit-chats between us), intelligent, and sensitive to my feelings and my condition. When I informed him that I was now away from my roommate to continue my studies, and that it was causing me a great deal of suffering because of my separation from my roommate, his reply was something that made me feel inappropriate and uncomfortable. There was no assurance for or any wishes for us (my roommate and I) to be together again. What I got in return was some Wisdom to spend rest of my life in isolation and abstinence. “What the hell? What is wrong with this guy?”, I was intrigued because of his extreme and restricted life style.

It was not his suggestion which was making me curious. It was something very strange in his Personality. He was sweet at some times and sour some other times. He had the sades of both Day and Night. I was not able to understand why, but life gives  various Shades to one’s personality and teaches many lessons which create various shades of one’s personality. This guy, KS, was an unsolved mystery for me. Talking to him was a relief to me as it not only made me feel comfortable to share my feelings, my concerns with him, it was also his contradictory shades of personality which kept me more curious.

Various shades of his personality made me more curious to know him better. There were many contradicting shades in his perseonality. Sometimes, his response and his reactions reminded me of my roomate. There were so much similarities in his choice, his thought process, that made me suspect sometimes whether it was my roomie playing with me with a fake ID. But no, there were very basic differences too.

I was getting more and more curious to understand this guy, my new friend KS. He was honest, he was sensitive, soft spoken, had excellent command over English besides being a North Indian, and from his pictures he shared with me, it was also clear to me now that he was not my roommate.  He was not only a channel to let my emotional energy flow out but also was sometimes making me feel like I was in company of my roomie. He also served as a distraction for me to change my attention from the depressing daily life schedule. Slowly, I developed the respect, and a soft corner for my this new friend KS (initials of his email account). I liked teasing him by calling him the Kaam Sutra as per his initials. It was entertaining to see his reactions after calling him by this name. All his patience and wisdom eloped momentaily after hearing this name. Probably, Kaam was mis-understood by him that made him see this word as inappropriate and bad thing.

Whatever be the reason, I liked this guy and his company was becoming a better source of motivation and relief for me.

Dear Friends : Please forgive me for delay in posts and to put the profiles you sent to me to publish Gay Matrimony section in my eDiary. I will try my best to put new profiles as soon as possible. In the mean time, you can continue scanning through various profiles posted in Gay Matrimony section and respond to the one you find a connection.