Relationship sabotage is a very common occurrence. Wether we mean to or not, actions and words can critically sabotage our relationships. Some people consciously sabotage relationships, while others seem to do it almost unconsciously. When they look back on what they said or did, they still don’t know what brought it on.

Once we develop bad relationship skills and behaviors, they become like second nature. Those behaviors and words can cost them dearly. Their intent was not to end the relationship, but that was the result. The acting out is so uncontrollable, they almost can’t help sabotaging their relationship when certain feelings or situations arise.

For instance, let’s say a man was in an on/off relationship for a few years. It was toxic, drove him crazy, and finally he had enough. He ended that relationship and swore he would find something healthier and saner going forward. He meets a new woman and they really hit it off. Everything seems to click between them, and there is great chemistry. But then they hit a snag. He had a bad day at work and came home in a bad mood. He then has a little argument with this new woman and it escalates. He got madder and madder, then tells her it is over and storms off. This is exactly what would happen with his ex. He is now bringing this toxic way of dealing with problems into his new relationship. And what is going to happen? If the new woman doesn’t call him on it, and if he doesn’t knock it off, they will wind up in an on/off relationship that will end eventually. Did it have to? No. But thanks to his sabotage, it will. This may not be his intention, but it will be the result.

Some people use sabotage willingly. They use it as their ‘get out a relationship card’. They push the other person so far, knowing they will reach their breaking point and end it. Now they don’t have to take responsibility for breaking up. They didn’t do it, the other person did. Some people are so addicted to drama that it is like a drug for them. They don’t want a calm, adult, mature relationship. They want the ups and downs of a roller coaster or it’s no longer fun. By creating their melodrama, they are sabotaging it. They don’t really want to end it, they just want to keep it interesting. What they don’t know if the other person, unless they love drama too, will bail after a while. If they didn’t feel the need to sabotage their relationship by creating chaos, it might have worked out. The sad thing is they didn’t really give it a chance.

There are also some that use sabotage to keep a relationship from going to the next level. Let’s say a couple has been going out long enough that living together or engagement is on the horizon. Let’s say one of them has anxiety and fears about that. Rather than deal with those anxieties and fears, instead they cause arguments and problems. Then, when their partner broaches the subject of going to the next level, they can say it is not a good time because they have not been getting along. Pretty good trick huh?

If you or your partner are sabotaging your relationship, it is time to put your foot down. Don’t expect your partner to put up with it and don’t put up with your partners either. You need to call each other out and get to the root of why this sabotage is present, so this kind of behavior can stop. Unless you do just that, the sabotage will only continue, and the prognosis going forward is grim.