I offer this story as simply one way to navigate a “breakup” consciously. I do not mean to imply this is the best method for everyone or every situation.

My intimate partner and I recently shifted out of deep belovedship and into being non-sexual friends and allies. I value truth and depth and openness very highly and knowing this, my woman came to me with her difficult truth. She told me about her personal journey calling to her in way that did not resonate with being pair-bonded with me any longer.

Wow! It’s now time to actively choose openness over closure… if possible! Toward the end of a two-hour discussion, she asked me what I wanted. I felt that all I needed to say had now been heard by her, and I was complete in our conversation. I told her that I wanted to have sex. She asked why. I told her that my heart was wide open and that I felt super-charged with energy out to my skin. She suggested next week and I said that I would likely not feel this way next week.

We set about creating a closure lovemaking ritual. But, my strong feelings of earlier evaporated. I just felt numb. And so we did what we know to do, which is to lay together and breathe to create emotional alchemy. We placed our bodies together in a way that aligns our energy centers (spooning) and breathed in sync. In this type of union our energies gradually attune to each other (much like two tuning forks).

Once we were in tune with each other the two-hour sacred sexuality ritual which evolved organically was deep, tender, wild, and bittersweet. We gave of ourselves completely and with abandon. At the conclusion we felt whole, full and in love. And the truth remained that our paths were diverging.

From this night we were no longer in a sexual Relationship and, of course, there were more feelings and issues that arose as time went on. We processed most of this “stuff” with other people. (Attempting to make your partner your therapist is a bad policy. It is also kindest to process issues dealing with another’s personal stuff with out-of-area friends).

After two weeks apart for reflection and space, we came together for an evening designated primarily as my time to speak everything that I wanted to say to her. For me, this was contained within the following:

1 – My appreciations to her

2 – What I want in my life

3 – What I’m willing to do to create my new life

4 – My apologies to her for my shortcomings

5 – Asking how being with me has helped her

6 – What specific loss are you grieving?

7 – How we might interact going forward

Then the next time we came together was primarily her opportunity to give voice to what she wished to say to me.

By maintaining our shared values of integrity and clarity, and in recognizing that our relationship has been characterized by mutual kindness and generosity, we allowed ourselves to transition beyond our previous dynamic while still emotionally supporting each other.

Longevity is not necessarily the best metric to judge the success of a relationship. My time with this beloved was a beautiful love chapter in my life. We served each other well by recognizing that our intimacy togetherness had reached it’s zenith, and like an artist on the trapeze, we have let go, to open our hands for what blessing life will now bring before us.