Quick Note: A thank you to all of you who read the LA Blog, comment, and send emails. It really inspires me to continue Writing and to know that although the LA Blog has a small audience, it has an audience, a select target group of individuals that have been significantly impacted by its work. For that thank you.

Anyway, let’s get into The Real T (Truth).

When you come to the realization that a good portion of the drama, trauma, and pain that you encounter with people, places, and things simply serves as a distraction from dealing with your own problems, something begins to happen.

You’ll feel a lion’s portion of weight lifted from your shoulders, back, neck, and every fiber of your being (remember that we need to stop taking on the burden of problematic people and drop the people-weights in our lives).

I started the LA Blog almost 5 years ago. Since then, my perspective on emotionally availability, life, love, and relationships has evolved. One of the major insights I have come to is that we can get lost in the details of our pain and loss. We essentially lose sight of the bigger picture- US our soul.

Through all of the losses, failures, as we get older, it’s easy to begin to sell ourselves short and allow feelings of inadequacy to dictate what is possible in the future.

These feelings can serve as a stumbling block to our healing as we attempt to pick up our broken pieces and move toward better days.

The deep-rooted feelings of inadequacy begin to leak out and permeate our perceptions.

Then, we do the one dreaded thing that keep us stuck in the same pattern of pain-We unfairly compare ourselves to other people.

Ironically, Comparing yourself to other people (although it may be familiar territory) is the very thing that is keeping you stuck.

Secretly we begin to covet (well heck some are more overt about it than others) the successes and results of people we don’t even know (or think we know).  

We refuse to acknowledge a morsel of what we have accomplished in our own lives (no matter how “big” or “small”).

It’s time to wake up.

See what you have.

It’s time to get unstuck.

It’s time to work what you’ve got.

It’s time to muster up whatever strength you have left after:

 -your heart was broken (by someone who didn’t have the capacity to love you or anyone else for that matter)

-he/she cheated

-you got fired from a job (you were miserable at and dread anyway)

-you still keep choosing the same EUP

– you feel middle-aged, undesirable, and hopeless

So, if you have a laundry list of failed relationships, relationship attempts, or life accomplishments and feel like the worm of the earth about it, stop comparing yourself to other people who you think have what you want.

You are only detracting from and shaving down your personal power when you get into the comparing yourself to other people bit.

Remember folks, that grass only looks greener because you see it that way.

Comparing yourself to others is a way to hold you back and keep you stuck. It takes the focus off of you, puts it on others, places people on pedestals to the high heavens, and elevates people in a heavenly light according to your perception of what they have and you don’t.  

Therefore, YOU should be the baseline of your own success period. Focus on you.

Real T (Truth) is that yea they may have a relationship, but you have no idea WHAT kind of relationship they have. You may only see what you choose to see or what they have allowed you to see about their life or relationships.  This kind of selective attention about people and their lives can leave you blind to the reality of what is really going down behind scenes.

Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t easy to change how we perceive ourselves and quit the comparisons.

It is work (albeit sometimes exhausting).

However, if we want to get past our past woes and experience something different, it is essential that we become our own baseline measurement of success.

So, stop all of the comparing yourself to other people.

I learned a little something about comparisons the hard way-through the blogging school of hard knocks.

I have been writing the LA Blog for about 5 years and boy have I learned the negative consequences of comparing yourself to other people- mainly, big time bloggers. I use to nitpick at myself for not monetizing the blog, getting only 2500 to 3000 visits per month, and/or getting less comments per post as opposed to my competitors.

Approaching my blog writing this way was absolutely draining to say the least. I was focused on all the stats, the status, and the validation-instead of just writing and sharing to uplift others and help them navigate their personal struggles.

Comparing myself to other mega bloggers kept me stuck and discourage to the point where writing became a chore and I would procrastinate about doing it.

I was unable to see what I hafe and work what I had going for me. I did not stop to consider the Real T (Truth).

The Real T was that first:

-I have been doing something I am innately good at (writing) for 5 years.

– All of the hits I get are organic (meaning people find my blog through internet search engines and I do not spend a great deal of time on marketing it which is pretty impressive).

– I have been approached throughout the years by other well-known published bloggers who have found me organically and asked me to write for their blog.

– I have been approached by advertisers that want to advertise their products on my Blog (but I turned them all down, and possible money, due to my values and the values of the LA Blog brand

– The LA blog has readers from all over the globe- Africa, Japan etc.- who have emailed or left comments saying how much the LA Blog has helped them heal.

– It is the first time in my life I haven’t given up on something I enjoy (consistency with projects and endeavors has always been my Achilles Heel).

All of this to say. I had to stop comparing myself to other people to the point where I was detracting from my own personal power.

Now, I am my own baseline of success.

Approaching life and relationships this way has taken the pressure off. A LOT. I know longer need to compare myself to what other people (i.e. bloggers) have accomplished.

5 years into the LA Blog my attitude goes a little something like this:

-My writing is going to get read by some and not read by others.

-Some people will choose to comment on my posts, others won’t.

-Some people will visit the blog and some won’t.

– Some people will be impacted, others won’t.

If I want to monetize it and make it grow, I may need to get some training in PR and marketing or stop complaining about its popularity. Period.  

It no longer needs to be about this Explosion of Success in my life or relationships. As cheesy as it sounds, I am successful because I am still writing. I am successful because I am not miserable in an emotionally unavailable relationship with the same person different package (and haven’t been in that kind of effed up relationship for 5 years).

Looks like growth and success to me.

I am here to tell you that you need to stop comparing your successes and/or failures in life/relationships to other people’s. It is misdirecting your energy, chipping away at your greatness, and making you unhappy.

See what you have right now.

If you have made a break from a messed-up relationship or a dead-end job that means you are a success. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Quit it.

You need to become your own baseline and measurement of success. The baseline of your success and how you measure it need not be the image or perception you have of other people. Other people you don’t even know.

Thoughts? Comments? Stories? 

Do you have a topic or a question on emotionally unavailable relationships that you would like addressed on the L.A. Blog?

Please feel free to or comment directly on a post that has inspired and empowered you or email: [email protected]

The post Comparing Yourself to Other People is Keeping You Stuck: The Baseline of Your Success Should Only Be You (Facts of Life) appeared first on Love Antics- The Relationship Blog.