I don't know why I find his absence hurtful. It's like betrayal but that's Silly. It also happened so abruptly. First of all, I barely know him and he has good reasons not to be here. What he does it's none of my business and we're not even that close. It's just that I got used to his presence, his schedule, his daily chores, his clothes on the rack, his cooking, his weekend breakfasts while browsing Instagram, his regularly scheduled shopping sprees on Friday nights, his Saturday night washing cycles, his discrete online presence, his plumped and joyful face early in the morning just woken up, his quick rabbit-like steps that moved him like a breeze, his bike, his dimples, his luscious lips, his keys in the cupboard, his perfume whenever he left (to the point that this smell makes me sad, despite how nice it is), the toilet sit always down. Maybe it's because I had a lot of free time and no one had interested me for a long time. Maybe I'm just silly and obsessive. Maybe I just like him. Well he's not that handsome in the typical sense but I was really looking forward to talk to him about all this nonsense that I was coming up with to keep the conversation going. His eyes are sparkly and smart and sneaky and cute. He is cute. Oh so very much cute. His smile so wide and warm and moving. I admire his ambition, his stability and his discipline. He's so organised, active, educated, grounded and independent. I'm almost jealous of the fact that he has done things I always looked up to. Maybe I am just overreacting. Oh! And he's so happy and grateful always, but secretive and private. Keeping his word, being generous but logical, emotional but practical, caring, busy and social. Man, he has his shit together, he has a plan, he knows his value. He also has a past. I don't know what he likes. I even feel we don't have chemistry, the communication doesn't flow flirting wise. At times I think he likes me as well others he's distant and friendly cold (I would prefer if he was just hostile). He might have another girl or he thinks it's awkward due to the reason we met or he's too busy. I keep thinking "He's just not that into you, grow up and stop being so available and obviously amazed. After all it's just what you think he is, not actually who he is that makes you like him!". And the fact that he always has to see me with a certain someone ugh jesus. I might not be enough for him, I might seem kinda boring or just less for his expectations. Bottom line is I'm gonna miss him. I already do. And I'm thinking about him considerably. Yesterday I saw him holding my hand in my dream. It felt so nice. On St. valentine's day I was extremely happy because I saw him and realized I kinda like him a bit. Yesterday it was the first night at the new place, so the dream had double the meaning. I hope he likes my gift. Man I'm so silly why do I make everything huge in my head? Can't I just appreciate him as a good and caring acquaintance of a certain someone? If he wasn't so good and pleasant always I would. And why does he say he's not good? He must know something huh? Hope he's very tender and caring and likes hugs. Ugh I miss him. Fuck. I'll forget him, that's fine.