Befriending your Stepchild for the first time is very significant. You may feel decidedly nervous with anticipation before greeting your stepchild which is to be expected. If this is your first experience of parenting, you will no doubt be looking forward to the beginning of a new chapter in your life. For a prospective stepchild, the situation may be very different.

It may be emotionally challenging for your stepchild at first as they may not have adjusted to the idea of having a step parent. This doesn't mean to say they will not come to terms with it given time. As a parental figure coming into a new family situation, it will take time and perseverance to build rapport with your stepchild.

The following tips will hopefully provide you with some insights as to how you can befriend your stepchild:

Allow the relationship with your stepchild to develop gradually:

The quality and strength of a relationship is determined by how much time and effort you are willing to invest in it. Do not expect a relationship with your stepchild to develop suddenly. You may feel eager to get to know your stepchild but you should not impose yourself unwillingly. If there is resistance initially, do not push the boundaries too much. Your stepchild will eventually come to you if you give them the freedom to do so. If you are open and approachable, they will respond to you soon enough.

Get to know your stepchild:

Building a successful relationship with your stepchild requires you to bond with them. What are their interests and hobbies? Are they working on any projects at school? Finding common ground with your stepchild is one of the key ways to build a positive foundation for a relationship. Place emphasis on developing a friendship with your stepchild. Assuming a parental role is not necessarily the most suitable choice when entering into a new relationship with a stepchild for the first time as it may encourage a child to identify with your role rather than with you as a person.

Don't try to replace your stepchild's biological mother or father:

Don't feel you need to compete with your stepchild's natural parent. You are an individual and you will find your own unique way to contribute to the enrichment of your stepchild's life. You may feel self conscious to begin with and it will be natural to compare yourself to your stepchild's natural parents. Believe in yourself and in your own ability to do a good job. If you are committed to the relationship with your stepchild and you are prepared for the good times as well as the difficult, you will succeed in your goal!

Show respect for your stepchild's relationship with their biological parent:

It is not wise to criticise your stepchild's biological parent in their presence. This could create resentment and distrust within your stepchild towards you. The relationship your stepchild has with their biological parent, should be allowed to peacefully co-exist with your own relationship with them. The quality of a child's life has the potential to flourish if relationships between parents remain cordial and mutually supportive. If parents and step parents can build positive relationships with each other, they are also creating positive conditions that will continue to nurture and support their child. That is the highest priority.

Copyright Christina McDonald 2009