THE TEN PRINCIPLES FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE

After more than two decades of practical counseling experience, I have come to appreciate some fundamental principles that apply in the lives of couples with abundantly healthy Marriage relationships. The blueprints for achieving a marital union that is rich in joyfulness, peace, love, freedom and fruitfulness is the same in every land.

Given a daily commitment to spiritual growth and access to divine wisdom, all our challenges thin into insignificance. And the only key to this growth is an unhindered submission to God on a daily basis. Jesus once said to us,

"...If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow me"                                                                                                                                                     Lk 9:23

In 1Cor.15:31, brother Paul said,

"I protest by your rejoicing which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die daily."

An authentic walk with God therefore requires our daily exercise of faith, dying to self and walking with Him daily. When we do this consistently, the Spirit of God rests upon our marriage and family. Then and only then can his vision for our lives and union become real and realizable. As a couple, your home may not be perfect, but when you religiously adhere to the principles mentioned below, God's abundant grace will take away those imperfections. Your marriage will be continually renewd and the devil will find no crack to hide. The principles are as follows:

SET ASIDE TIME TO SHARE PERSONAL ISSUES

No matter how pressing, difficult or tight your schedules and challenges might be, always set aside time daily with your mate to share the highs and lows of the day. Talk about your feelings, needs and perceptions. Never allow the evil darts of procrastination, weariness and lukewarmness to deprive you of the essential aspects of your union.

In Eccl. 8:5 the Scripture says,
".....And a wise man's heart discern both time and judgement."

Every day is a present. Please use it judiciously. Many have postponed their bedroom talk but never lived to see the next day. Learn to communicate daily with your spouse. It is a sure antidote to isolation and depression.

LEARN TO LISTEN MORE, AND TALK LESS.

Learn to hear and understand what your mate is saying. Don't be in a hurry to suggest, respond, reject or condemn. It can be mistaken for disrespect or invalidation. Even when your mate expresses an opinion that is wrong or unpleasant, always resist the temptation to pull him or her down. Take time to listen attentively. Remember, even a broken clock is right twice in a day. In the midst of that seemingly inconsequential chatter could be found some strong home truth.

"Wherefore my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath."
                                                                                                                                             James 1:19

LEARN TO ALWAYS RESOLVE CONFLICTS AS THEY OCCUR

"Be ye angry, and sin not. Let not the sun go down upon your wrath Neither give place to the devil."
                                                                                                                                           Eph.4:26-27

Weeds will always grow in your garden. You have a choice to either pull it up as they appear or allow them to become a bush where snakes and other reptiles can hide to cause havoc.. Disagreements and marital conflicts are weeds that must be uprooted as they occur in the course of the relationship. All wise couples develop strategies to deal with conflicts in their marriage.

Coming from diverse social, cultural, and sometimes religious settings, there are bound to be conflicts from time to time. Learn to device ways of making the various puzzles  in your relationship to fit harmoniously. Wise couples can use the perceived weaknesses in their spouse to advantage.

When conflicts and disagreements arise in your marriage, be brave to tackle it as they appear. Do not sweep them under the carpet. Don't pretend that it never happened. Rise up, weed them out and cast them into the furnace of forgiveness and forgetfulness. Do it now, not tomorrow.

RESPOND TO EVERY COMPLAINT WITH CONSTRUCTIVE SUGGESTIONS

If you take a census of all failed marriages, you will discover that more than 90% of the spouses are usually critical of their mates. I therefore advice you to be less critical of your spouse. Criticism is the tool of the devil which he deploys to destroy unsuspecting couples. Most couples usually take criticism as a sign of rejection by their mates and therefore react wrongly. That is why you must be utterly careful whenever you desire to criticize.

However, there may be times when legitimate flaws must be pointed out. Do you have to keep silent because of your fear of being misunderstood by your mate? Certainly No. But in your eagerness to point out the weaknesses and flaws of your mate, you must do this with love, compassion, and a constructive suggestion on how these weaknesses can be avoided in future. You must also be gracious to acknowledge your own weaknesses when they are revealed to you.

Never be the man that has a beam in his eyes and yet eager to remove the mote in his neighbor's . Most importantly, learn to accept the weaknesses in one another with the understanding that no man is perfect. We are all work in progress in the hands of the Almighty.

RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO CONTROL YOUR MATE

Any act, behavior, or spoken word that is capable of forcing your spouse to act or behave in a manner acceptable to you, to the detriment of his or her self esteem and respect is totally wrong and should be discontinued. This is often manifested in the form of intimidation, bossiness, manipulations, stubbornness, possessiveness, excessive nagging, threats of abandoning the marriage, silent treatments, evasiveness, incessant bickering, physical abuse, lying, tuning out, stinginess, outright neglect, and all manner of behavior that are meant to satisfy your yearning to control your mate.

Beloved of God, are your sins mentioned above? Please apply the brakes. All healthy marriages thrive on freedom and love. Freedom to grow as individuals and as a couple, to openly and lovingly express their opinion, to love unhindered, and fulfill the purpose and plan of God for their lives.

May i stop here for now. In my next post, I will complete this topic. I will give you the next five points. They are as revealing as the ones already stated above. Don't fail to visit my blog for these and much more. You are tapping into the success and wisdom that have made giants out of ordinary folks like you and I. God bless you thoroughly.