Sometimes humans are stubborn, especially when it comes to ourselves and relationships. We think we know what’s best for us, so we feel and act on it. A lot of the time we’re spot on, and other times we’re so dead wrong. So how can we correctly gauge when we’re truly ready for a serious relationship?

Don’t just jump into something serious because you feel like you’re in love, or you guys just click. It’s important that you gauge yourself correctly, because you might end up ruining something that has potential for long-term happiness, and on the flipside, you might get yourself into something you wish you hadn’t. So hopefully this short blog post will either save you a mistake or give you more confidence to dive in.

Your Unconscious Actions will Reveal Everything

Below I’m going to discuss your daily routine broken down into three parts of the day. How you’re reacting and feeling to the relationship during these time frames can give you great insight into yourself and whether you are ready.

• What are your first thoughts when you wake up? Is it your job? Your kids (if you have them)? You’re other responsibilities for the day? If you’re first thought when you wake up in the morning every day is your relationship partner, take notice. Something’s probably wrong. Reality doesn’t work that way. When you’re emotionally healthy enough to engage in a serious relationship, you should be secure and focused enough to put your thoughts and energy to what needs to be taken care of in your life first and foremost. This doesn’t mean you don’t give a glancing thought to the happiness you’re experiencing in a relationship. That’s healthy. I’m talking about when you wake up and you can think of nothing else but him or her, and you’re morning routine revolves around that person. Are you checking your texts messages as soon as the alarm goes off to see if they’ve written to you? Are you writing to them your thoughts and feelings before you hit the shower and get ready for the day? Is your first thought about how you can please or be close to them? If so, that’s the red flag you need to become conscious of. Sure, this might happen occasionally, but if it’s your daily morning routine, you’re still in a honeymoon stage, and the relationship needs more time breathe.

• Do you feel anxious or worried about how the relationship is going throughout the day? Where are your thoughts when you are at work (or home depending upon your job)? Are you focused on what you need to do to be productive, or are you concerned about your relationship partner and how they are reacting or not reacting to you? Are you anxious about how the last conversation or text message went? If so, again, you’re not ready for anything serious. You’re normal day-to-day routine has to be about you. Your career. Your children if that’s the case. You’re responsibilities. It’s a major part of your life, and anything that comes between that will only result in negative long-term outcomes for your overall well-being. Simple to understand, but sometimes we just need to make these truths conscious.

• Are you not able to go to sleep until you feel they are meeting you emotionally? If you’re losing any sleep over your relationship partner, it’s another big red flag. As I’ve said before, this might be okay to an extent in the honeymoon stage because you’re excited. But once things move into the serious area, this shouldn’t be an issue. All these feelings should be worked out. Just like your morning and day routines, your sleep patterns are vital to your overall health and the ability to be who you are. When it’s time to go to sleep, you should easily be able to do so.

What it all Means

As you can see, I’ve basically broken down your day. Your unconscious feelings and actions. The things you are reacting to which give you the chance to really assess where you stand in the relationship, and more importantly, yourself. Are you secure in it? Where’s your focus? If you’re too obsessed with your Partner, you can’t expect a healthy relationship yet. Even if you’re good at hiding all these feelings from your partner for a while and playing it cool, eventually your feelings will manifest in negative ways. And your partner will take notice and it’s going to push them away, especially if they’ve got their stuff together. If they’re not ready either because of the same types of emotional patterns, both of you are going to become reliant upon one another for happiness, which is a disaster waiting to happen. Perhaps you’re ready and your partner is the one exhibiting the kinds of emotional patterns discussed above? Then you need to really consider whether they are ready or not. Maybe you need to keep it from getting too serious for their sake.

Remember, the feelings and actions discussed above are the types you might have when you first meet someone. These are normal because you’re getting to know them and you’re still not sure. But after you’ve dated awhile and things start to get serious, these types of emotional responses should subside. You need to move past the honeymoon stage and begin to focus on incorporating the relationship into the ins and outs of your life, and theirs. No relationship is a fairy tale. When you get serious the real work starts, and you need to be ready for that. That’s when you give and take, and really get to know someone. Making a big decision like moving in together should be put on hold until everything settles into a healthy balance.

Being in a serious relationship requires that you are secure in it and yourself.  The other person will appreciate you for who you naturally are, not just the thought and energy you’re putting into them. If so, they’re taking too much and you’re eventually going to burn out anyway. So either way, a healthy balance is the only way to jump into something serious.

What to do If You’re Not Ready

So what do you do if you gauge yourself not ready for a serious relationship after reading this post? Do you have to give it up? Of course not. First just take a moment and breath. Relax. And then develop the same attitude towards your partner. Maybe you need to slow it down, or keep things as they are. This will give the relationship space to see if you’re really right for one another. Without this space, you’re both going to be crowded into some type of negativity.

After you’ve relaxed a little, put the focus back on yourself, especially in your day-to-day routine. If you’re having trouble doing this, it might help to let your partner know that you need some time and space to do this. Verbally acknowledging it to them will set clear guidelines that you can be comfortable with. Not that you want to end things or have them changed, but just that you need some space to refocus yourself. If they’re healthy emotionally and truly committed they’ll understand and give you that space.

What Healthy Feelings and Actions Should Look Like When You Are Ready

When you’re truly ready for it to be serious, you can relax. Breathe. Live your life. During your day-to-day responsibilities, you might happily remember a moment or talk that you and you’re partner had. And it makes you content. It’s a good feeling that perhaps enhances your productiveness or makes you give a brief smile in appreciation of what you have, but then you’re able to shift back to what you need to do, and there’s no resistance. If both of you are on this page, then I would say go for it and give it a chance. At least you are ready to see what getting serious really means.

I hope that helps.