After all of yesterday's drama I woke up this morning to an apology from my ex. How do you apologize for putting someone in such a tacky predicament such as this? Especially when everything was so deliberate. I can not believe he had the nerve to talk about today being a new day and how he didn't want to hurt me. I have never wanted to batter someone more in my life. Needless to say, I told him where to stick his apology and hopefully he will let this be the end of it. So I thought.

So after that, I get an email from his girlfriend. She is mad at me for even telling her. She says that she already knew about me! I just sat there for a minute. I had to ponder what type of woman allow him to be with other women. She blamed me. She says I was "throwing it at him". I knew she wasn't going to be reasonable, but how does he get to be totally innocent in this? And what type of sick, twisted relationship do they have if he kept her a secret from me, but she knew about me? I don't get it. She should have been the mad one. I mean: most oftentimes, it's the main girl who is the last to know, not the ex girlfriend/friend with benefits. I respect relationships, and am not a "sidepiece" type of girl. I am not sneaky and underhanded, and proud of it. But what she said, made me respect her relationship even less. Almost like she deserves what she gets.

My gripe was with him, and the way he lied to me. I had no prior relationship with her, so I had no beef with her. I think a lot of times, women fight with the other woman so as not to focus on the man and his lies and misconduct. That other woman doesn't owe you anything. Especially if she didn't know. This woman acted as if I was purposefully chasing after her man when she knew (so she said) about me all of the time!

It is a sad day when you find yourself in combat over a man that you don't even want. I am using this as a life lesson: The time I spent on him, was time that should have been spent on my own personal growth. I say growth because it is the most selfish thing I could do. Nobody would benefit more from it than I would. It was truly time wasted. I am a girl who believes in freedom and choices, and liberation but men using it as an excuse to be promiscuous and play games, is played out.

Ok, so looking past the anger and searching for the lesson, I find myself wanting to expand my horizons. I don't think I am making very good odds by limiting myself to my ex:-) I must admit that he was just an easy way to get that itch scratched and continue to date someone else without sleeping with them. But that crutch has broken and I am ready to do it the right way. (Even if that means that I will have to use some electronics! LOL) Quality effort will produce quality results, and I was just being lazy by continuing on a relationship that I knew wasn't going anywhere.

In the effort I have opened up to dating outside of my race. Now, it is 2008 and I know this should not be a big deal, but I honestly had not considered this an option. I have had a few men approach me, and I did not even take it seriously until now. I mean is it better to be in a degrading relationship with a man of my own race, than to be happy ever after with a man of another race? Well both guys are really sweet but I don't know how to be attracted to them. Maybe they just aren't the right ones:-) Oh well, I am going to see one this weekend and I'll let you know what happens.

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