In my marathon dating as of late, I have started weeding out the men that I know I can't do anything with. In the grand scheme of things, I just want a nice, smart, funny, handsome guy who isn't a pushover. Of course he needs to be sexy and have good hygiene also. So all of these things are things that I could have put on a list when I was 7 years old. But as a grown woman who is wiser, more experienced than that little girl, I know now what constitutes as being a Deal Breaker. The qualities that I am looking for are somewhat more defined and specific but I try to keep my options open. It's so funny because when I was younger, I knew what my deal breaker list consisted of, yet I still tried to push myself into acceptance of these things. I sat through endless dates with men that I knew from the jump, were not meant for me only to realize that the more I tried to force these things on myself, the more impossible they became to ignore. So as not to seem too pretentious, I allowed others to talk me into compromising when I knew I should have cut the relationship off immediately. I did not want to appear as being too picky or hard to please. But in getting to know myself, and owning my preferences, I have learned that I don't have to apologize to anyone for what makes me happy. I am entitled to do it my way. Although I haven't spent a lot of time enduring miserable relationships, I have wasted enough time to not want to waste anymore. I can recall several "fix ups" where the trusted friend tells me how attractive and wonderful the guy is. Then I meet him, and know on site that this isn't going to work. All this because they are going by their list of qualities that they like in the guy, which usually has little to do with me & my preferences. So I quit saying yes to blind dates, and I stopped sitting up entertaining a deal breaker guy just to be nice.

In an essence a deal breaker is a quality or trait that serves as an obstacle that is impossible to get over. It is not a matter of high or low standards, but a personal preference. It is based on but not limited to one's experience, ideals, and upbringing. Nobody can tell you what your yardstick should consist of no matter how well they know you. Beware of those who try. It's like someone telling you what your favorite food should be. Or what your favorite color is. Your taste is your taste, and you have to learn to stand by it. Because men will try to talk you into it, and friends will try to steer you into it. But when you like someone, you don't need any pushing, or coaxing. You go after it full force no matter what anyone says. To know what your deal breakers are, is to know yourself. Once you know yourself, you don't have to apologize for what you like (or don't like). You just keep picking through until you find one that you can seal the deal with. The ones you can't deal with, you can politely put into the "friend" catagory or just pitch them altogether. But no matter how long or tedious, you don't have to settle. Because the only one who suffers when you settle, is you.