Oh great, another piece of technology to remind us how obsolete we are. Restaurants are placing big bets on cooking robots. That’s right, you’re not human enough to flip a burger, but a mechanical arm with all the culinary finesse of a 1990s fax machine can.

Imagine walking into your favorite ramen place and instead of that grumpy guy behind the counter who knows exactly how you like your broth, you’re greeted by what? A six-foot-tall aluminum monstrosity that looks like a Transformer but, instead of saving the world, it’s making food that might as well be prison slop.

Let’s unpack this madness like it’s a Christmas gift from your least favorite relative. Do we really need robots in kitchens? Are we so desperate to make everything uniformly bland that we can’t even trust Chef Mike with the microwave anymore?

And don’t get me started on the lunch rush. I bet some of you think, “What a great time to deploy our new titanium chef!” Wrong. That line isn’t getting any shorter because Robby the Robot can’t distinguish between medium rare and burnt to a crisp. And when it finally shorts out because someone spilled a soda on it, we’ll all be sitting there with our melted plastic plates, reminiscing about the good ol’ days when a human error meant an undercooked steak instead of a possible trip to the ER.

Now, what about the human touch? Absolutely gone! You know that little wave and nod you get from the chef when you walk into your favorite joint? The robot doesn’t have time for that. It’s too busy recalibrating its temperature sensors because the fryer decided to throw a fit. It’s bad enough we have to pick up our phones instead of talking to people. Now, we’re going to eat food made by what amounts to a glorified vending machine.

And talk about hygiene! Yeah, let’s put a robot, which is essentially a spiffy-looking bucket of bolts, in charge of handling food. You think getting hair in your food is bad? Just wait till you find a chunk of errant silicone gasket floating in your soup. Mmmm, nothing like a side of microchips with your miso.

But let’s get real for a second. What’s the real reason restaurants are jumping on the robot bandwagon? Money. Ka-ching. Do you think they’re doing this for our convenience? Nope, it’s all about profit and cutting back on pesky things like salaries, health insurance, and, oh, I don’t know, basic human decency.

And here’s another charming thought: What do you do when the robot goes on strike? Oh wait, it can’t. It’s literally incapable of understanding just how overworked it is. Whereas a human chef might say “Screw this, I’m out for a smoke,” a robot just keeps on cooking until it fries its own circuits. It’s like having a slave that also happens to be vegan. Zero emotional input, maximum output. Just like your last relationship!

Let’s talk about innovation. Because if robots in kitchens are the peak of human achievement, I’m ready to pack it in. What’s next? Robo-waiters that slap the tray of drinks onto your table and short-circuit when you ask for ketchup? Automated sommeliers who misinterpret your request for a cabernet and give you a glass of grape juice? Imagine the wine pairing dinner that goes south because the robot couldn’t tell the difference between red and white.

Here’s a wild idea. Maybe, just maybe, improving working conditions and paying fair wages might attract the kind of human talent that can make a salad without turning it into mulch. But that’s too much to ask, right? Instead, let’s invest in technology that ensures every potato is julienned with the precision of a brain surgeon and none of the flair. I can see it now, the culinary landscape of tomorrow: perfect meals devoid of soul, prepared by robots who think “warm” is an emotion.

What happens to the art of cooking? It gets flushed down the drain along with the leftover robot detergent. Chefs are not just cooks; they’re artists. Geniuses who know how to turn a few ingredients into something magical. And that magic is what we’re losing. You want magic from a robot? Enjoy your Frodo-sized portions with a side order of who-gives-a-damn.

So here we are, on the edge of culinary Armageddon, where the line between science fiction and reality blurs, and we’re all ready to trade our taste buds for consistency. But hey, we’ll have all the time in the world to admire our perfectly cubed, albeit soulless, carrot sticks while we sit in our sterile, automated dining rooms thinking, Was this really progress?

Enjoy your automated meal, folks. Long live the future.

Source: Restaurants place big bets on cooking robots

The post The Ramen Robot Revolution: Because Who Needs Taste? first appeared on DEMOCRAWONK.