You know, every so often, the food industry decides to throw something at us that no one really asked for. And this time, it’s gene-edited salad greens and underground delivery tubes. Yes, because when I think of lunch, the first thing that pops into my head is, can my salad be more genetically complex?

Let’s start with the gene-edited greens. Because nothing says “delicious” like the words “gene-edited.” Remember when vegetables were just vegetables? Grown in dirt, watered by rain, and maybe yelled at by a frustrated farmer. Now, they have to go through a sci-fi makeover in some lab where a guy in a coat decides their genetic fate. What’s next? Carrots with built-in anti-depressants? “Eat your feelings, literally!”

And then there’s the underground “delivery tubes.” When I order a pizza, I’m just happy if it arrives hot and with the right toppings. But now, apparently, it needs to shoot through the bowels of the city in a tube system that sounds like something out of a dystopian novel. Are we trying to feed people or send documents in a 1980s office building? If my lasagna has to travel through a subterranean labyrinth to reach me, it better come out the other end with some stories to tell.

What’s pushing these marvels of unnecessary innovation? It’s like someone in a boardroom said, Hey, eating is too straightforward. How can we make it more intricate and baffling? Because God forbid you just eat a tomato that tastes like a tomato. No, now it has to be a tomato that’s been spliced with the genes of a Himalayan snow leopard for that extra kick of existential dread.

So, why are we complicating food? Remember the days when the biggest concern about your meal was if it had MSG? Now, I have to worry about the ethical implications of my genetically modified Caesar salad. It’s not enough that I have to manage my cholesterol, now I’ve got to manage my moral dilemmas about the lettuce in my sandwich.

Can we talk about the chefs and farmers for a minute? These folks have spent years perfecting their craft. A chef making a perfect béchamel sauce is like watching a painter on the canvas or a musician with a guitar. But no, slap some AI and gene-editing in there because surely we can improve on millennia of agricultural development with a few years of messing around with DNA and computer models.

And honestly, what problem is this all solving? Last time I checked, no one was complaining that their vegetable delivery was too visible and needed to be thrust into the dark, possibly near the city’s sewer line, for the full urban experience. And no one’s salad was lacking because it wasn’t futuristic enough.

It’s not just food; it’s everything. Every time you turn around, someone’s trying to upgrade your experience. Can’t we just have a meal without wondering if our spinach could qualify for a PhD? And here I thought the worst thing about eating out was getting a table next to a loud talker, not pondering the ethical ramifications of my appetizer.

Just give me a meal that doesn’t require a user manual or moral philosophy degree to navigate. Is that too much to ask? Apparently, yes. Because it’s 2024, and we can’t have things simple anymore. We have to have our mushrooms delivered through the Mole People’s Expressway and our almonds must know calculus.

In conclusion, can we just not complicate our dietary lives with gene-edited greens and subterranean food tubes? I just want to eat lunch, not conduct a science experiment or engage in spelunking. Keep it simple, people. Let food be food.

Source: What’s next for restaurants: Gene-edited salad greens, underground “delivery tubes”

The post From Farm to Table to Lab to Underground Tube: The Journey of an Overachieving Vegetable. first appeared on DEMOCRAWONK.