Otterbox Just Launched Its Most Luxe Phone Case to Date—And It’s Plant-Based. Great, finally my phone can adhere to vegan dietary guidelines too. Now, it’s not enough that I feel guilty every time I opt for something slightly more decadent than kale but now I have to involve my inanimate objects in my moral quandaries too. Yes, yes, save the world one phone case at a time.

Oh, the Luxe! What’s next? Bottled water coming out declaring it’s not just water, it’s snob juice for your fanciest pets? This isn’t a phone case; it’s a statement. And the statement is: even our phones are better than you. This case probably does yoga better than you too.

Wouldn’t you love that? Walking down the street with your cactus-leather phone case, sipping on some absurdly named drink from Starbucks, feeling like you’re doing your part against global warming. Forget about the massive factories probably burning rainforests to a crisp to produce these things. No, no, you’re saving the world, one phone snap at a time.

How Green is My Valley? I mean, are these cases shipped in giant containers that burn more fossil fuel in one trip than my car will burn in a lifetime? Sure, but don’t focus on that. Focus on the cactus! The plant-based goodness! Look, I’m all for protecting the environment, but pretending that buying a cactus-leather phone case is going to tip the ecological balance back in Mother Nature’s favor? That’s not just optimistic; it’s comedic gold.

And here’s another kicker: Cactus leather? What did cactuses ever do to us? Were they just sitting around in the desert, minding their own, spiky business when some executive said, “You know what? That looks uncomfortable to sit on, so let’s turn it into phone cases”? And what’s the process here? How many cacti are hugging each other right now fearing for their lives because they might end up encasing a device that’s slated to become obsolete in six months?

The Beacon of Sustainability—this phone case is the light guiding us to a pretentious, over-marketed, faux-eco-friendly tomorrow. We’re not just buying a product; we’re buying peace of mind, folks. The kind of peace that only comes from knowing you’ve contributed to a land devoid of cactuses but full of high self-esteem.

So next time someone shows off their plant-based phone case, remember: beneath that chic exterior lies the screams of a thousand innocent cactuses. Does it make calls clearer? Does it improve battery life? No, but it eases conscience—provided that the conscience is only troubled by the lack of plant-based options for inedible products.

It’s more than a phone case; it’s a lifestyle choice. And like all lifestyle choices today, it doesn’t have to actually make sense—it just has to look like it does.

Source: Otterbox Just Launched Its Most Luxe Phone Case to Date—And It’s Plant-Based

The post Save a Cow, Encase Your Phone in a Cactus: The New Age of Eco-Luxury. first appeared on DEMOCRAWONK.