I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU LOT, BUT THE WORST PART OF THE PANDEMIC FOR ME IS WEARING FACE Masks.

ONCE UPON A TIME I WORE FACE MASKS FOR ''OTHER'' REASONS AND FOR A MATTER OF MINUTES UNTIL THE GETAWAY CAR PULLED UP.  BUT WEARING THESE MASKS ALL THE TIME BRINGS BACK SOME FOND MEMORIES I SUPPOSE.

SINCE THE VIRUS EMERGED AND SCREWED WITH OUR LIVES, RETAILERS BOUNCED ON WACKY MASK DESIGNS AND HAVE MADE A PRETTY WEE PENNY FROM SELLING MASK MERCHANDISE. MOST OF OUR SCOTS CLAN WEAR THE HANNIBAL ONES HA HA HA HA. 

BUT FOLKS WHO ARE SKINT AND CANT AFFORD A MASK HAVE GOTTEN CREATIVE. LIKE THIS LASS HERE WHO USED HER LAST MILK BOTTLE AND A PAIR OF HER SHOELACES TO PROTECT HERSELF FROM COVID19 AND MAKING HERSELF TO LOOK LIKE A RIGHT CLUMP. IT DOES NOT GIVE OUT GOOD SIGNALS TO PROSPECTIVE SUITORS THOUGH AS THIS SENDS OUT A MESSAGE TO ALL THE GUYS SAYING SHE WILL ''MILK'' YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE GOT. SO DUDES BEWARE OF LASSES WHO WEAR COVID19 MILK BOTTLE FACE MASKS. IT WILL NOT END UP WELL. EVER SET OFF TO THE STORES AND FORGOT YOUR MASK? I KNOW I HAVE AND YOU CANNOT GO IN TO A SHOP WITHOUT WEARING ONE, SO I COULDNT BUY A MASK BECAUSE I WASN'T WEARING ONE TO ENTER THE STORE TO PURCHASE ONE. ITS A COVID19 SETBACK BUT HAVE NO FEAR, IF THIS HAPPENS TO YOU, TAKE OFF A SHOE, UNRAVEL YOUR SHOELACES A BIT, AND HEY PRESTO, YOU GOT YOURSELF A MASK!!!! GREAT PROTECTION PLUS IT PROTECTS YOU FROM GETTING HEAD-BUTTED. ALSO IF YOU REALLY WANT TO BE MEGA SAFE DURING SOCIAL DISTANCING MEASURES, MAKE SURE YOU TREAD IN TO SOME DOG DIRT BEFORE PUTTING ON YOUR SHOE MASK AND YOU CAN GUARANTEE NO ONE WILL COME NEAR YOU!!!! IS RIGHT.
OK SO IF YOU DONT LIKE MASKS BECAUSE OF THE ELASTIC THAT NEEDS TO GO BEHIND YOUR EARS TO HOLD IT IN PLACE THEN FEAR NOT, YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN STRAPLESS ONES. NOT HANDS FREE, BUT EARS FREE!!!!! ALL YOU NEED IS TWO SANITARY TOWELS OR INCONTENENCE PADS, PEEL OFF THE PAPER ON THE REAR OF THE PADS AND STICK ONE HORIZONTAL STARTING FROM THE TOP OF YOUR NOSE AND THE OTHER STICK VERTICAL ACROSS YOUR MOUTH. HEY PRESTO!!!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO ASS ABOUT WITH ELASTIC AROUND YOUR EARS WITH THE HASSLE THEY KEEP SLIPPING OFF. MAKE SURE THOUGH THAT YOU TELL YOUR MISSUS YOU ARE DIPPING IN TO HER SANITARY TOWELS AS IF SHE NOTICES SOME MISSING, YOU ARE LIKELY TO BE BLAMED FOR HAVING AN AFFAIR. IF YOU ARE REALLY SKINT THEN THERE AREN'T MANY OPTIONS LEFT BUT TO BE CREATIVE AS YOU CAN TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THIS COVID VIRUS. BACK IN THE DAYS, DUDES USED LEAVES TO COVER UP THEIR NETHER REGION. LEAVES WERE THE FIRST COD PIECE INVENTION. BUT NOWADAYS TIMES HAVE CHANGED AND MEN ARE NOW USING LEAVES FOR THEIR UPPER PART TO PROTECT THEMSELVES FROM CONTRACTING THE DEADLY VIRUS. IT'S A CHEAP WAY OF GETTING YOURSELF A MASK PLUS WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED WITH IT, INSTEAD OF THROWING IT AWAY, LIKE WE DO MOST MASKS; THIS ONE SERVES TWO PURPOSES: 1. COVID PROTECTION AND 2. SUNDAY DINNER. AFTER USE, THROW IT IN A PAN AND GET IT DOWN YOUR NECK. GREENS ARE GOOD FOR YOU!!!! SOME FOLKS WANT TO PROTECT THEIR PETS FROM COVID19. THIS MASK REMINDS ME OF THE ONE QOS MADE FOR HER GRANDSON ONE TIME. ITS AWFUL!!!!!