Foster care is all about looking out for and assessing the needs of vulnerable Children. But all of us – whatever our age can become vulnerable. This can happen quickly especially if a situation arises that is unexpected. Adults, by definition are usually able to cope better with stressful situations as they have more understanding than children. This is not to minimise the impact of a stressful and novel occurrence on all of us. The recent pandemic is the obvious example. Parents, foster carers, families – everyone, in fact – was touched by coronavirus and the fears and anxieties  it created. These were on a global scale. And now, with the passing of the Queen, we are going through a period of national trauma and readjustment. Coming so soon after the pandemic this is particularly tough on children. People everywhere are caught up in the psychodrama of the Queen’s reign coming to an end and the accompanying wall to wall media coverage. There is a mood of national solemnity and mourning that is quite unprecedented in scale. These are historic and momentous days. Many children will not be able to escape this as families up and down the country watch the spectacle play out. 

Parents and foster carers need to appreciate that children are having to process this event having just emerged from the pandemic. The Death of a monarch is not the same as the death of a family member – unless you happen to be a member the Royal Family. Such a high profile bereavement will affect children across the country. Foster carers and parents need to consider the kinds of responses triggered by loss. There will be children likely to be taken back to the experience of losing a close family member by the current national focus on the loss of the sovereign. Children feel similar emotions to adults when confronted by loss, but they may have difficulties expressing them. Responses will differ according to the age of a child. Between the ages of five and eight children mostly understand death is irreversible and happens to everyone. They are likely to repeatedly ask questions about death and can easily become preoccupied. The death of such a prominent person could be the first experience of death for many children. And they will be affected by its effects on their own families. The fact everyone is talking about it provides an opportunity that can really help children process the death of the Queen in their own terms. What matters is to use age appropriate language that is clear and not overly elaborate.

There are certain phrases nearly all adults use with very young children. The impulse, naturally, is to use softer language: the deceased may be talked about as having ‘fallen asleep’ or ‘gone away’. From the perspective of the child, sparing their feelings is likely to only cause confusion. All younger children – foster children included – often respond to language in a very literal way. Adults often unconsciously programme nuance they comprehend into such statements. A child presented with explanations of this kind might simply be left wondering when the person who has died is likely to wake up or return. Because they won’t have one, it’s important young children are given a concept of death. Not having one increases the chances of their becoming confused and frightened. Foster a clear understanding of death for a child by explaining in simple terms that when a person dies they can’t be brought back to life because their body no longer works. Explain their heart has stopped beating, and  they are no longer breathing. This means they can’t do things people do when they are alive such as speaking and moving.

Children observe adults and their reactions to try and make sense of grief. They want to know how to react themselves and will take their cues from adults. Foster carers should be aware that a child they are looking after may already have past experience of the death of a family member or relative. It maybe someone they know is very unwell. The Queen’s death could trigger feelings of grief, worry and anxiety.

Foster a sense of reassurance.

It’s quite possible that constantly hearing about the Queen’s death could make children worry about dying themselves or losing members of their own family. Honesty matters and should be combined with a sense of realism. A parent should adopt a light touch in their response to a worried or frightened child: talk about the family having a healthy lifestyle with everyone having plans for the future. 

Rainbow Fostering Gratefully acknowledges the Queen’s exemplary service to the nation over the 70 years of her reign. Our heartfelt sympathy goes to The Royal Family at this time of great sadness for them and for the country.

Foster carers with Rainbow know they are making a difference every day.

Fostering a child is a big step for any individual or family to take. It’s a decision that requires careful consideration. We are experienced in providing the very best advice relating to fostering a child uk, and what it will mean for you and your family. 

Call us now on 0330 311 2845 to find out more about the rewards fostering could offer you and your family.

We look for people with kind hearts who are able to provide welcoming, nurturing homes. Foster carers also need to support children to participate in activities put on by the agency. They also need to participate in all the training opportunities we provide. 

Rainbow has a thriving fostering network you can be part of. We work closely with local authorities  arranging foster care placements in London, Birmingham, Manchester, Hampshire, Luton and Milton Keynes. 

Rainbow is one of the leading independent fostering agencies in the UK. We have twenty-five years experience of fostering so you can be confident of receiving the best training and support.

Rainbow has been rated ‘Outstanding in all areas’ by Ofsted. 

Visiting our websites FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions) page has the answers to questions we are asked about fostering. Call us if you need any further clarification. We hope it proves to be a helpful resource. Find it at – https://rainbowfostering.co.uk/frequent-asked-questions/

We work to reflect the  rich and varied world of fostering in the numerous topics explored in our website’s blog section.

This one covers the responsibilities of the foster carer –  https://rainbowfostering.co.uk/responsibilities-of-foster-carer/ More media guidance on this momentous event can be found at – https://metro.co.uk/2022/09/09/how-to-talk-to-children-about-the-queens-death-17335338/

The post Foster care and how to talk to a child about the Queen’s passing appeared first on Rainbow.