Hi – I’m Phil, Rainbow Foster carer with my wife Shirley. I’ve been asked to write a bit about our experience as foster carers. Where do you start? Not easy to choose – fostering is different every day: large and small memories that all go to make up the picture of our day-to-day lives. So I chose one special day that led to a lot more special days and memories. And particular thanks goes to “Bonkers” – as he truly is – for his ongoing contribution and irrepressible ‘four-legged’ energy to our family!

“Today’s the day” – I said this as peered into Jake’s bedroom. I wasn’t surprised to get a sleepy reaction just a muffled grunt. I could see a tousled head resting on the pillow. Then a memory stirred and Jake sat bolt upright rubbing his eyes. “Yes.” He shouted this whilst tumbling out of the side of the bed. It wasn’t often I saw him get out of bed that quickly. Kids have tremendous energy as every parent knows but it’s not usually on display first thing in the morning. More often than not it’s there in plentiful supply when you are trying to get them into bed. 

“Breakfast will be five minutes”. That was my wife Shirley calling up the stairs. “We should really make an early start”- she continued. I could hear the sound of plates being put on the table and bread popping up from the toaster. Jake positively whizzed past me. I hadn’t even noticed him getting dressed. “Be careful on the stairs” – even as I said this as I heard him reach the bottom step and rush headlong into the kitchen. 

“Well I’m looking forward to today as well but that’s no reason to risk life and limb before breakfast.” That was Mike our seventeen-year-old. He emerged onto the landing heading to the bathroom where I knew he would spend what would feel like the next couple of hours showering. 

“Don’t be too long – your food will go cold and you probably heard your mum wants to make an early start. Yawning, he said “Sure Dad just chill.” At those moments my mind would jump into the future and look forward to the day when I might see Mike being told to “chill” by his own son as he took up residence in the bathroom. Never mind – it was that special blend of affection and irritation – one of the joys of parenthood. And I had to admit they were. Especially since Shirley and myself had decided to foster five years ago. Mike was our only son and we had not been able to have any more of our own children. That had been a big disappointment but that’s life and some things you have to accept. Slowly, our thoughts had turned to become foster carers. Shirley has a part-time job working in the reception of our local GP. She had come across a leaflet on becoming a foster carer there and brought it home. A lot of what it had to say registered with us but we didn’t make an immediate decision. I suppose, looking back, it was significant we kept it. Not like so many of the leaflets and charity promotions that came through the door. 

As we slowly mulled over the idea – after all it was a huge commitment – it was something we resolved to do. One of the big motivations was the feeling that as a family we had a lot to offer.  It was also at the front of our minds that it would be a positive experience for Mike. And this has certainly proved to be the case. 

Getting the right foster care match.

Jake was fifteen now and had come to us as a quiet and troubled 12-year-old. That was three years ago when Mike had just turned 14. Rainbow, our fostering agency had been brilliant. They had matched our preferences precisely: it had taken a while, but then they had always been clear that precise matches don’t always happen overnight. So after becoming ‘approved’ we spent the next year or so taking a couple of emergency placements. That was followed by a short-term foster placement which was working out really well but came to an end because the girl, Melanie, was able to go back to her birth family. We had known this was always a possibility because there had been illness in her family and, happily, her own mother had made a full recovery. It was interesting, though, because when a child comes to your own home it changes you and how you see the future. This meant we had become immersed in the idea – and the daily reality – of having a foster daughter. Still, Shirley and I were both very happy for Melanie. But back to square one. Fostering can be a bit of a waiting game if your goal is to have a long-term placement. 

Anyway not too long after that, we were sent a referral for Jake. A rather sad story – like so many – but not as bad as some. Fostering means you can’t have rose-tinted spectacles for long. The excellent training we received went a long way to preparing us for what would be the reality of being foster carers. But what Rainbow is also so very good at is always focusing on the positive aspects of fostering and then ‘spreading the word.’ That meant through newsletters and the frequent contact we had with the team, we were in no doubt as to the important, valuable difference to children’s lives foster carers make every day.   

Back to the referral: we were interested straightaway – proof of the quality of the matching at Rainbow. We learned that Jake had been taken into care because his mother – who was very young – was simply not coping. The father had not been on the scene for a long time and there had been issues around drug misuse when he had been in the family home. Jake was an only – and very lonely child – withdrawn and given to mood swings. 

In the time Jake had been with us, he had settled down and the mood swings had all but gone. So now would be a good point to explain the reason for all the excitement on this particular Saturday morning. It was going to be more than a bit special: we were going to be making another addition to the family – a four-legged one. I had to admit to being excited myself. Both Shirley and myself were dog lovers having grown up with them in our own families. So we always planned one day to give a home to a rescue dog. We had tended to think of it as something we would do – perhaps in retirement as I work full time and we both have busy lives. What made us have rethink was something we read on Rainbow’s own website. This always has loads of information about fostering:  and we were both rather interested in one of the blogs – about the benefits pets can bring when they are part of a fostering household.  

“Come on Phil – that means you too!” 

“Coming.” 

I called down the stairs – finally managing to extricate Mike from the bathroom by knocking increasingly loudly on the door. I had no choice having recently discovered he’d taken to hanging a waterproof radio in the shower. Enveloped by a cloud of steam as he brushed past me on the landing, I became aware of an all too familiar scent…my own aftershave mingling with the delicious smell of egg and bacon!

I then thought as we were due to choose a dog from the rescue center that afternoon, there would be even more competition for the bacon tomorrow…

In part 2 you can learn more from Mike’s experiences about how beneficial it can be for a foster child to grow up with a pet in the family.

(Names have been changed to protect privacy)

Foster care career openings with Rainbow.

Providing children and young people with the very best opportunities drives us a fostering organisation. Supporting and working in partnership with our foster carers enables us to create a positive effect on the lives of the vulnerable youngsters we care for. Above all, we instill – through the training provided – in our carers the importance of motivating children to fulfil their educational potential. 

Our support groups build and support the sharing of knowledge through our fostering network. This means anyone choosing to foster with Rainbow will have access to a vast amount of expertise. And this has meant our carers are able to develop their own fostering careers and increase their earnings.

As an organisation that celebrates diversity and equality, we welcome applicants from all kinds of backgrounds: single people. couples (married or living together), same-sex couples, and families with or without children of their own. And whatever your ethnicity, religion, or cultural background you will be a valued member of our Rainbow community.

We are now looking to recruit in – 

#London #Birmingham #Manchester #Hampshire #luton #miltonkeynes 

And before you go…

We recommend the following blog on Parent and Child Fostering – 

http://rainbowfostering.co.uk/parent-and-child-fostering-working-with-birth-parents-series-6/

Make sure you keep up with all the news that relates to fostering by visiting our news section – 

http://rainbowfostering.co.uk/news/

More information on the different aspects of fostering is available at – https://www.gov.uk/becoming-foster-parent/types-of-foster-care

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