The waiting room is freezing. I’m certain my fingers are turning blue. The wait is nearing 3 hours but Marcus still won’t let me into the ER where he is. As an adult, it’s his option. As a mom it’s my option to be here for him no matter how he pushes me away.

“I’m to the point in life where all that’s left is to hang myself”

“I need a grave n a tombstone. And a casket”

These are a few of the text messages he sent me. My son, my Marcus, was in a city in another state when he told me this. So I came running. What else could I do?

I do not want to bury my son. I take this seriously even if he’s just trying to hurt me. I would do anything to keep my boy alive.

Therefore, in the interim I called the Police in that city. It takes me and hour and half to get there and they were closer. They found my son by pinging his cell phone. The EMTs somehow convinced him to go to the hospital for an evaluation.

Marcus hates nothing as much as he hates the police. He has a tumultuous past with them. He distrusts them. Marcus avoids the police at all costs. But he couldn’t avoid them today.

The EMTs took him to a local hospital. He went, but he was denying everything. I came because…well I came because I’m his mom. It’s what we do. We moms will be there for our kids. I was able to show the text messages to the social worker.

This comes on the heel of some strange FaceBook posts he made. Marcus also called Luke on Father’s Day. We all spoke to him but he told me he was surprised he’s still alive. He said his life was terrible.

If you’ve followed my blog you know that Marcus has been living in his car. He refuses to come home. He’s up and down. He’s Marcus.

He’s also an adult so he can refuse to see me. That leaves me here, in the waiting room.

“Yo r u f-omg serious, man?? Go to your house.”

This is what he texts me now. My reply is along the lines of what I always tell him. My hope is that someday he believes this:

“You don’t have to let me in. I’m still here, though. Always will be”

**Names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.