Marcus came home just in time to go to his second-shift job on Tuesday. He barely spoke to us, hastily agreed to put gas in the car, and then Left for his shift at work. I got a text that he didn’t have any money left from his extended weekend. He said that he’d have to get up early the next morning and take out more from the bank to pay for “my gas.” He didn’t come home until we were already asleep. Wednesday afternoon rolled around and he was still in bed.

At this point Luke and I knew it was time to go over the House rules again. Marcus used to have future plans and ambitions. Somehow we ended up with a son who is going to work to buy pot, FaceTime Toxic Girlfriend all night and sleep all day. Not. Happening.

At around 2PM we pestered him until he woke up and came out for “the talk.” We gave him the tough love speech about living at home. He lives rent-free because he is supposed to be investing in Marcus. His four parameters are:

1) Complete daily/ weekly chores (he does this consistently so we praised him.)

2) No gas means no car. Pay for the gas you use or find an alternate way to get around.

3) No more pot. Not here, not on the property, don’t come home high.

4) There is a thirty day time limit to sign up for classes or job corps. Period.

Marcus took this about as well as you can imagine. He exploded out of the house to sit in his non-functioning car, rev the engine, and talk to his girl. We didn’t hear from him again until after banking hours. He requested to use the car. He didn’t have gas money because we didn’t wake him up in time to go to the bank.

Sorry, kid. No gas means no car. Maybe try using the alarm clock we bought you next time. Good luck getting a ride.

Here is where he loses it. He’s slamming doors and sending rapid-fire text messages that say things like, “This is f-ing b-sh-t dawg.”

When these tactics don’t work he takes the car. He actually steals my car. We keep dinner and lacrosse normal for Carl’s sake all the while texting to try and get the car back. Marcus sends vague text messages that he “will be home in 5 minutes” as the hours drag on. He isn’t at work. He isn’t returning the car. We live in a tiny town so the only responding officers to a problem are usually the state troopers.

Eventually Luke warns him that we will report the car stolen if he doesn’t bring it back.

“Do it,” is his only reply.

So we call it in and wait for the state trooper to come to the house for a report.

**Names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.