Over one-third of mothers have admitted to regretting becoming a mum, according to new research carried out by Mind Mommy Coaching.

A total of 37% of mothers who responded to this revealing survey during the month of September 2023 admitted that they have, even just for a single moment, regretted becoming a mum. This is mainly attributed to feelings of not being a good enough mother as well as the unexpected contrast between expectations and reality. Almost 90% admitted that their reality of motherhood felt much harder than what they expected it would be prior to having children.  

The research was carried out amongst almost 2,000 mothers across Ireland and the UK and takes a deep dive into the Maternal Mental Health of women during motherhood. Many of the statistics are the unspoken reality of many mothers yet, as a society, they are admissions that don’t often get brought to the forefront of conversation. 

“Qualified Life Coach and Founder of Mind Mommy Coaching and the #1 Podcast Momfessions, Laura Guckian, commented: 

There has never been a higher expectation placed on Mothers to do it all. The results of this research mirror what I’ve been hearing from the 4,000 mothers  I’ve supported over the last two years. We need to start having more honest conversations about the reality of being a mother in today’s society so that we can redefine what “normal” really feels like for mothers today. But most importantly, we need to start giving women the tools they need to navigate motherhood in the absence of the village”

This is what inspired Laura to set up her #1 Podcast Momfessions. She wanted to create an emotional village where mums could feel seen, heard and supported. But how? By giving them the tools they need to take care of themselves. But Laura isn’t talking about bubble baths and long walks. “For me, taking care of myself as a mum means tuning into what I need and want and giving myself permission to do it without guilt-but in order to do that we need to stop talking about self-care and start talking about Reserves.

The key to achieving positive Maternal Mental Wellbeing is to fill up your Reserves. This is something that many of my clients seek my support with because they don’t know what they need and want. Why? Because they are going through Matrescence, a process that happens each time a woman has a child and can last for up to 10 years. During this time, women not only tend to be at their most vulnerable from a psychological perspective, but their values and belief system can change. I often ask a mum, if she had a free hour, what would she do with it? Her response is generally “I don’t know”. This is probably contributing to the research insights where almost half of mothers admitted that they rarely get a break.

Maternal mental health tips: 5 ways to take care of your maternal mental health

Get rid of the shoulds

There are no shoulds in motherhood. The shoulds are the things you fell pressure to do but you don’t actually need or want them. By removing the shoulds, this will instantly reduce any feelings of Mom Guilt and also get some time back. Almost 37% of Mothers go to bed feeling guilty 3-4 times per week. Almost 13% feel guilty every night.

Get into your FLOW

Flow is a positive psychology term that is used to describe an activity that when we are engaged in it, we don’t notice time pass, we are completely mindful and we have lots of mental energy afterwards. Find your FLOW and start doing this for even 5 mins a day

Find your emotional village either in person or online

The Momfessions Podcast was born to create an emotional village so that Moms could feel seen, heard and supported. This #1 Podcast has already captured a huge audience of Moms tuning in to hear real life challenges and experiences of other Moms and taking note of the tools and solutions Laura offers to help navigate them.

Your best looks different every day

Get rid of your inner critic-that little inner voice in your head that is constantly telling you that you should or shouldn’t or that you are not doing enough. Start challenging this little inner critic with hard evidence. Ask yourself if what the inner critic is saying is fair, realistic or achievable? 

Do a social media audit

Unfollow any account that makes you question or compare. You can control the media that you absorb. If that media does not educate, entertain or inspire you, unfollow

But the most important step to any mum filling up her reserves is this.  It’s about recognising that she cannot take care of her children unless she is taken care of too. It’s about accepting that taking care of herself is not selfish but essential. It’s about making small realistic sustainable changes that will allow her to feel happier. And of course, it’s about finding an emotional village like the Momfessions Podcast so that she realises she is not alone.

*The survey was carried out in September 2023 amongst 1902 mothers across Ireland and the UK. 

About Mind Mommy Coaching and Momfessions Podcast

Mind Mommy Coaching is a life coaching service dedicated to normalising the challenges of all stages of Motherhood and helping moms navigate those challenges to achieve positive maternal mental wellbeing. It supports moms through 1:1 coaching, Corporate Talks/Programs and #1 Podcast Momfessions. No matter what stage they are at, mothers need support and an action plan to help them overcome the challenges parenting has presented and in time pursue opportunities both personal and professional they now want to achieve given their new life position. 

In the absence of the village, the Momfessions Podcast is the emotional village that will allow moms to be seen, heard and supported. 

Connect via Instagram @mindmommycoaching and find out more at www.mindmommycoaching.com

Momfessions Podcast available on all podcast platforms.

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