This week is Grief Awareness Week. Those of you who follow MTRD will know that I lost my beloved dad back during summer. The bottom fell out of my world and I have since been working to navigate the countless ebbs and flows of grief. There have been so many things I have experienced in grief, but perhaps one of the most surprising has been my loss of confidence. I wanted to share my experience for anyone else who might be feeling the same, in case it helps you feel validated and know that you are not alone.

The Unseen Struggle

Grieving for a parent, especially a beloved father, is a Journey filled with unexpected turns. As a daughter, the mourning process has been compounded by my loss of confidence, a facet of grief that I hadn’t anticipated. The passing of my dad, an event I never thought I’d face so soon, left me questioning not only the world without him but also my own abilities and sense of self as my anchor in life was no longer there.

The Weight of Expectations

Society often paints grief with broad strokes, but the reality is a nuanced tapestry of emotions. The expectations placed on individuals mourning a parent can exacerbate the grief, and I found myself grappling not only with the pain of loss but also with societal pressures to appear strong and composed when internally I felt quite the opposite. The weight of these expectations further fueled the loss of confidence that accompanied my grief.

Navigating Through Grief

Grief follows its own timeline, and the societal pressure to ‘move on’ only intensified the struggle. Recognizing the need to navigate grief at my own pace became crucial. Each loss, whether it was the guidance of a father or the assurance of his presence or all of the small moments inbetween, deserves acknowledgment, and the journey toward healing began with granting myself permission to mourn.

The Impact on Confidence

The loss of my dad cast a long shadow over my confidence. This is not something I had expected and it blindsided me. Doubts about my decision-making, fear of facing work or life challenges without his wisdom over a cuppa, and a pervasive sense of inadequacy all took root in the fertile ground of grief. Rebuilding my confidence has meant acknowledging these feelings and understanding that the mourning process goes beyond the tangible loss.

Seeking Support

In the depths of grief, reaching out for support became an essential aspect of my healing journey. Whether through conversations with loved ones, or through sessions with my regular therapist, I have discovered the strength in sharing my vulnerabilities. Opening up about the struggles with grief and loss of confidence has allowed me to understand why I have been feeling this way, and that it is all part of the grieving process.

Rebuilding Confidence Brick by Brick

Rebuilding confidence in the aftermath of losing my dad is a gradual, intentional process. Setting realistic expectations, acknowledging the depth of my grief, and allowing myself moments of vulnerability have all been key steps – particularly in my role as CMO at Permutable AI. Each small triumph, no matter how minor, is a stepping stone towards regaining a sense of self-assurance. It’s a week by week work in progress for sure.

Finding Joy Amidst Grief

Discovering moments of joy amidst grief has became a poignant aspect of my journey. It wasn’t about erasing the pain but learning to coexist with it. I could be laughing and dancing with friends one night, and sobbing the next – and that is all ok. By gradually rebuilding my confidence brick by brick, I have found solace in the enduring love and wisdom my dad had imparted, knowing that it is all inside me, and using this to transform grief into a testament of resilience.

Empowering Others

My journey through grief and loss of confidence after losing my dad has fueled my desire to empower others facing similar struggles. Through my grief story, I hope to create a space where those mourning a beloved father (mother, or any loved one) can share their stories without judgment. Together, we can dismantle the stigma surrounding grief and loss of confidence, and support one another through the profound journey of loss.

Final Thoughts

Navigating grief after losing a father is an intensely personal journey, and the erosion of confidence adds another layer to this complex experience. As a daughter, I’ve learned that vulnerability can be a wellspring of strength, and that rebuilding confidence is a gradual process shaped by time, support, and self-compassion. By sharing our stories, we create a community that acknowledges the multifaceted nature of grief and stands as a testament to the resilience that emerges from mourning a beloved dad.

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