Hello mamas! Grab a cup of tea, it’s time to talk about the beautiful chaos that is parenting. Aka there’s no such thing as a perfect mum.

When we embarked on our journey into Motherhood, most of us had visions of being the “perfect” mother. You know, the one who has it all together, whose kids are always well-behaved, who cooks Instagram-worthy meals, and never has a hair out of place. BAHAHAHA! What on earth were we ever thinking? I stress again: there’s no such thing as a Perfect Mum.

Let’s be real here. In the world of parenting, there’s no such thing as perfection. It’s a world where we find ourselves dealing with dirty nappies, sleepless nights, seemingly endless “whys” and monstrous meltdowns. THOSE chaotic moments and the fuzzy cuddly snotty-nosed stuff in between is what motherhood is really about.

With that said, I wanted to share my favourite chapter from a new book out by Zeena Moolla “Guilt Free Mum – How To Be Kind To Your Mind”. This reassuring and approachable book aims to help new mothers feel less guilty about the choices they make in their baby’s first years – hurrah! Full of practical advice and case studies from other new mums, it’s the perfect support guide for mums to help them ditch the mum Guilt and make their own choices, rather than follow what is expected of them.

So what’s my favourite chapter then? You guessed it…..it’s called There’s No Such Thing As A Perfect Mum.

***

Motherhood can feel loaded with sanctimonious pressure as notions of what makes a “perfect mum”  perpetuates in various forms. From family and  friends to the media, a mother might often sense being a mum is dictated by a form of maternal moral code. This chapter explores some of those  “commandment-style” ideas around motherhood,  from a baby’s birth and beyond – and with each,   reasons why you need to ditch that guilt!

No one’s really doing it perfectly.  I think you love your kids with your whole heart, and you do the best you possibly can. – Reese Witherspoon

THOU SHALT FOLLOW A ROUTINE

7 a.m.: Gently rouse baby from a blissful 12-hour sleep 7.15 a.m.: Change and dress baby for the day  

7.30 a.m.: Make yourself comfortable and give baby the  morning feed  

8.30 a.m.: Now is the time for an hour’s play  

9.30 a.m.: As soon as baby looks drowsy, place baby in Moses  basket for a 45-minute nap 

9.31 a.m.: If by now you are sitting down with a hot drink and a book as your baby blissfully sleeps, then you are very lucky.  If instead, you are pacing the floor, your hair in a mess, with a  cranky baby who does not want a nap at precisely 9.30 a.m.,  do not fear, you are not alone.  

Some babies naturally follow a routine. If they do, this is great. If you are not that rare fortunate parent, don’t let the pressure of forming a routine become a barometer by which to measure your success. You and your baby will find your own pattern and it’s one likely to be dictated by your baby. It may well match a routine you find in a  book or online, but often, it will not. 

THOU SHALT  SWERVE “JUNK” FOOD

Maybe pre-baby you had visions of whipping up batches of organic, wholesome, fresher-than-air meals for your child?  Perhaps you shuddered at the mere notion of a jar of pureed fish pie? Possibly, with barely enough time to make a cup of coffee, these visions seem a little ambitious now. Most mums will tell you about how their sanity has been salvaged by the contents of a jar made in a factory and purchased in  a frantic hurry from the supermarket – and there should be no shame in that whatsoever! 

Ditch the guilt!

Change your vernacular around this sort of food. Lose words like “naughty” and “bad” for those days when a  pouch of pre-made food has come to the rescue. Instead,  adopt terminology more like “easy”, “convenient” and “treat”.  Of course, a nutritious diet for everyone in your family is important to adhere to when possible, but if it isn’t, there’s nothing healthy about a stressed-out mum. 

THOU SHALT  BAN SCREENS 

There’s no denying that screens are well and truly ensconced into much family life. An iPad can provide a great distraction for a howling toddler in a restaurant. As your children get older, a laptop is often a homework necessity, while a  smartphone can give an anxious parent peace of mind with their teenager. But of course, there’s no denying that too much screen time can also prove detrimental. Research has shown excessive exposure to screens can impact negatively on sleep, mood and even physical health thanks to the more sedentary lifestyle it often instigates. However, let’s not lose sight of the word “excessive”… 

Ditch the guilt!

Screen time is a modern parenting conundrum, especially as digitally native children grow alongside rapidly evolving technology. But allowing a child screen time doesn’t make a  parent less engaged or more negligent. It’s a matter of what you consider suitable for your child – and this is for you, and  no one else, to decide. 

THOU SHALT NEVER SHOUT

Before you became a mum, you might have witnessed the familiar scene of a mother in a supermarket, clearly out of patience, yelling at a toddler who is lying on the floor,  thrashing and screaming like a fish out of water. Maybe the scene had you scuttling off to the safety of the world foods aisle, reassuring yourself you’d never be that mother? Well,  actually that mother might easily be you. Why? Because, just  

like that tired, overwrought, frustrated toddler, that yelling mother in the supermarket is equally tired, overwrought and frustrated.

Ditch the guilt!

Of course, shouting is not the ideal response – there are no winners when both mother and child are in meltdown mode. However, losing your temper on occasion does not make you a terrible parent!  In fact, the perfectly natural feeling of guilt that ensues from this sort of scenario pretty much confirms this. What’s important though, is that you don’t suffocate yourself with that guilt. You can explain to your child, in terms they understand,  that shouting is not good conflict resolution and apologize for your own yelling. By showing your capacity to apologize, you are encouraging your  

child to do the same when they need to. It’s crucial you forgive yourself and move on, because dwelling on a perfectly understandable response to a  stressful situation is a waste of precious energy. 

THOU SHALT SET  A GOOD EXAMPLE

If you look to the internet for the definition of what constitutes setting a “good example” for a child, you will see lists of positive aspects of behaviour such as living in a harmonious environment, never arguing with anyone and always making healthy food choices. Losing patience,  bickering with partners and eating unhealthily are deemed as setting a “bad example”. But isn’t real life made up of all these types of behaviours, both positive and negative? Do you really have to be such a paragon of virtue to be deemed a “good” parent?

Ditch the guilt!

Firstly, step away from the internet! Secondly, let’s change that definition of “good example”. Think of a “good example” as an honest, human one. For instance, if you’re stuck in stationary traffic for quite some time and begin to lose your patience,  you’re simply expressing, rather than suppressing,  a natural emotion to a frustrating situation. This is a great example of emotional intelligence,  particularly when you address specifically how you’re feeling to your child. If your child doesn’t ever witness you having such emotions, they will come to regard them as “bad” and shameful in  

themselves. While it’s important to manage the intensity of big emotions of course, it’s imperative to give both yourself and your child the permission to be human. 

Motherhood should be praised… But for cultivating a sense of invisibility,  martyrdom and tirelessly working unnoticed and unsung?  Those are not reasons. – Shonda Rhimes

THOU SHALT  ALWAYS LISTEN 

There are few things sweeter than a young child desperate to tell a parent about their exciting morning at nursery on the way home. Perhaps there was a dog that ran into the playground, but then Jack cried because he’d forgotten his snack and then later, Anisa did her first ever roly-poly…  Between this stream of consciousness and hunting for  the after-nursery drink, juggling paintings and bags and navigating the journey home, you might have lost the thread somewhere between the dog and Jack’s snack. 

Ditch the guilt!

It can be hard not to feel remorseful when you’ve zoned out from your child enthusiastically sharing  the morning’s events with you. But remember to be fair on yourself! Sometimes it will be simply impossible to listen to and retain ALL the information. Of course, you can confess to your child that you lost concentration. After all, they do the same sometimes. Do remember to reassure your child that you will want to hear more when you get home, perhaps over lunch. They may well enjoy telling you all over again! Because who wouldn’t want to know what happened to the dog and find out if Jack ever got his snack?

***

It’s easy to fall into the trap of striving for perfection in motherhood. We encounter well-meaning advice from friends, societal pressures, and the often unrealistic images portrayed in the media. But let’s be honest – no one’s getting it exactly right. Even the remarkable Reese Witherspoon, a powerhouse both on and off the screen, acknowledges that we do our best, and that’s what truly matters.

Each commandment in this chapter reminds us that it’s alright not to follow the rigid expectations. Your baby’s routine might not align with a parenting book’s template, and that’s perfectly fine. You might find yourself reaching for convenience foods instead of conjuring gourmet meals, and that’s okay too. Screen time is not a digital demon, and sometimes, shouting doesn’t make you a bad parent. And setting a good example? Well, that doesn’t mean being flawless; it means being authentically human.

Motherhood should be celebrated for the beautiful mess that it is, not judged by unattainable standards. You’re not alone in those moments of chaos and imperfection; they’re part of the shared experience of motherhood. By letting go of the guilt, we become better mums, more genuine, and certainly happier.

Remember, in this journey, there’s no such thing as a perfect mum. Here’s to a guilt-free and beautifully imperfect motherhood journey. You’re doing amazing, and you’re not alone!

The post There’s no such thing as a perfect mum appeared first on Motherhood: The Real Deal.