In today’s digital age, the question “are tweens ready for cellphones?” has become increasingly prevalent. These young individuals are embracing smartphones and other devices at an unprecedented rate. While technology offers numerous benefits, it also presents challenges, especially concerning the mental well-being of our young ones.

We will discuss practical strategies for parents to address these issues, empower Tweens to make informed choices, and create a safe and supportive environment for open dialogue. By understanding the dynamics of cellphone usage and its impact on mental health, we can guide our tweens towards responsible and healthy technology habits.

Common mental health challenges tweens may face as they start using cellphones

The use of mobiles and other digital devices can impact the mental health of tweens (children aged 9-12) in a number of ways.

Excessive screen time

This can lead to digital eye strain, disrupted sleep, and reduced physical activity and above all irritability.

What parents can do:

• Set clear limits on daily screen time and ensure that your child takes breaks from screens
• Encourage outdoor activities and physical exercise to balance screen time with physical activity

Cyberbullying

Many may face cyberbullying, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and a decline in self-esteem.

What parents can do:

• Educate your child about cyberbullying and how to respond, including when and how to report incidents to adults
• Maintain an open line of communication, so your child feels comfortable discussing any online concerns with you.

Social media stress

Children often can experience anxiety and low self-esteem when they start comparing themselves to others with others (be it their peers or even celebrities).

What parents can do:

• Teach your child about the unrealistic nature of social media and the importance of self-acceptance.
• Pay attention to the nature of their online use. What accounts your child is following and the type of content they are viewing on a daily basis.
• Discuss what they are seeing, emphasising that social media often portrays a filtered version of reality.

Sleep disruption

Mobile use, especially before bedtime, can disrupt sleep patterns and quality.

What parents can do:

• Implement rules for no screen time at least an hour before bedtime.
• Create a calming bedtime routine to help your child wind down without screens.

Isolation and diminished social skills

Excessive use of mobile phones and devices may lead to decreased face-to-face social interactions and social skill development.

What parents can do:

• Encourage your child to engage in offline social activities, such as group sports, clubs, or community events.
• Set up regular family activities or gatherings to promote social interaction within the family. Include playdates so that your child can create a stronger bond with their peers face-to-face.

Privacy & safety concerns:

Tweens may not fully understand the importance of privacy and online safety, putting them at risk for cyber threats.

What parents can do:

• Educate your child about online privacy, the potential risks, and the importance of not sharing personal information online.
• Implement parental controls and monitoring software to ensure your child’s online safety. There are a whole host of apps available. Chat with other parents and the school to see which ones would suit you best.

Fear of missing out (FOMO):

Tweens may experience anxiety and a fear of missing out on social events which ironically encourages them to remain online to see what they might actually be missing out on!

What parents can do:

• Encourage your child to appreciate and be present in the moment rather than constantly seeking validation or updates from their peers.
• Help your child build a healthy balance between virtual and real-world interactions.

Above all: Lead by example!

Display the behaviour you’d like to see in your child.

Empowering tweens to make informed and healthy choices regarding their cellphone usage

This is never easy. When our kids start approaching their teen years – their friendship groups have a huge impact on what they think and how they behave. So, first and foremost do not criticise their friends.

Open dialogue:

Encourage open and non-judgemental conversations with your tween about technology and cellphone use. Make sure they feel comfortable discussing their concerns and experiences.

Discuss peer pressure:

Talk to your child about the concept of peer pressure and how it can influence decisions. Help them develop strategies for saying no to activities or behaviours that may not align with what they believe in or your family’s rules. Always encourage your child to remain true to themselves. It can be cool to stand out from the crowd sometimes.

Peer support:

Help your child build a supportive network of friends who share their values and interests. These friends can reinforce positive behaviours and choices.

Addressing issues like cyberbullying, excessive screen time, and social media addiction

Digital literacy:

Educate your child about the responsible use of technology, including online etiquette, privacy, and cybersecurity. Help them understand the potential risks and consequences of certain actions.

Setting boundaries:

Establish clear rules and boundaries for mobile use. These rules should include limits on Screen time, appropriate times for device use (e.g., no screens during meals or before bedtime), and guidelines for responsible online behaviour.

Quality time together:

Make an effort to spend quality time with your child without the distractions of screens. Not only does this strengthen the connection – but it opens the door for more meaningful conversations.

Teach them how it’s done:

Kids need to learn how to play and how to fill their time effectively without their screens. It is a learning process – and to begin with they might need guidance on how to occupy themselves without their screens. You might have to provide viable alternatives to replace the time they would have spent scrolling. (Arts & crafts, Board games, sporting activities, family days out)

Examples of effective communication techniques to facilitate conversations about technology-related stress

Effective communication is crucial, Here are three communication techniques that can help facilitate these conversations:

Active listening:

This involves fully focusing on what your tween is saying, both verbally and non-verbally, and providing feedback to demonstrate understanding.

For example: When your tween expresses concerns about technology-related stress or anxiety, give them your undivided attention. Maintain eye contact, nod, and use verbal cues (e.g., “I see,” “Go on”) to show that you’re actively engaged and understanding their perspective. Avoid interrupting and allow them to express themselves fully before offering your insights or solutions.

Ask open-ended questions:

This encourages a slightly longer response, rather than the usual monosyllabic response. For example instead of asking yes/no questions, ask questions that require a more elaborate response (e.g., “Can you tell me more about how you feel when using your phone?”). Use prompts like “What,” “How,” and “Why” to encourage them to share their thoughts, emotions, and experiences in detail. Allow them the space to express themselves without feeling rushed or judged.

Empathetic validation:

This involves acknowledging and validating your tween’s emotions and experiences, showing understanding and empathy for what they’re going through. For example, express empathy and understanding by saying things like, “It sounds like using technology can sometimes make you feel really stressed. That must be challenging.”

Reflect their feelings and experiences back to them to demonstrate that you understand and validate their emotions (e.g., “I hear that you’re feeling anxious about keeping up with your friends online”). Avoid dismissing their feelings, even if you don’t fully understand or agree. Let them know that their emotions are important and valid.

Your child needs to know that you are on their side and that this does not have to be a win-lose battle.

Recommended resources and tools to promote responsible and healthy cellphone

Promoting responsible and healthy mobile use among tweens and their families involves utilising a combination of educational resources, parental control tools, and practical guidelines.

Educational resources:

a. UK Safer Internet Centre (saferinternet.org.uk):
Offers a wealth of resources and advice for parents, teachers, and young people on online safety, digital literacy, and responsible internet use.

b. NSPCC (nspcc.org.uk):
Provides resources and guidance on keeping children safe online, including tips for parents on talking to children about online risks.

c. Thinkuknow (thinkuknow.co.uk):
Offers age-specific resources for children, parents, and educators on online safety, including videos, games, and advice on responsible online behaviour.

Parental control tools:

a. Internet Matters (internetmatters.org):
Offers guides and reviews on parental control tools, internet service providers, and advice on setting up safe internet environments for children.

b. Norton Family (norton.com/norton-family):
Provides parental control features for monitoring and managing children’s online activities, including time limits and content filtering.

c. Check with your Broadband Provider to see what internet Control Tools they provide

Guidelines and Tips:

a. UK Government’s Online Safety Advice:
The UK government provides guidance for parents on various aspects of online safety, including protecting personal information and reporting online abuse.

b. Family agreement:
Create a family agreement or contract that outlines the rules and expectations for screen and internet use at home. When your child is part of the decision making process, they are more likely to buy into the decisions made.

c. Talk about online risks:
Again, open conversations are paramount.

d. Use age ratings and parental controls:
Make use of age-appropriate content ratings on apps, games, and media. Set up parental controls on devices and apps to restrict access to age-inappropriate content.

e. Stay informed:
Stay up-to-date with the latest trends, apps, and social media platforms popular among tweens, so you can guide your child effectively.

f. Encourage positive online engagement:
Encourage your tween to use the internet for educational purposes, creativity, and positive social interactions, such as joining online clubs or groups related to their interests.

Remember – everything in moderation. You should not ban them from cellphone usage altogether – just try and agree on a sensible time limit they can spend online.

Trust is earned.

Signs to look out for to identify potential mental health concerns related to cellphone use in their tweens

Noticeable changes in behaviour:

Look for sudden and significant shifts in your tween’s behaviour, such as increased irritability, withdrawal from family and friends, or expressions of sadness or anxiety that may be linked to their screen use.

Disrupted sleep patterns:

Monitor if your tween’s screen usage is affecting their sleep schedule. Signs include difficulty falling or staying asleep, or excessive use of devices late at night, impacting their overall well-being.

Decline in academic performance:

Keep an eye on any drop in their grades or a reduced interest in schoolwork. Excessive phone use can distract tweens from their studies and affect their ability to concentrate.

Isolation from real-world activities:

Be alert if your tween starts to isolate themselves from offline activities, hobbies, or social interactions. Excessive engagement with devices can lead to a disinterest in real-world experiences, affecting their mental and emotional growth.

Assisting in early intervention:

If you suspect mental health concerns related to online use, consider taking the following steps:

Initiate a conversation:

Talk openly and non-judgmentally with your tween about your observations and concerns regarding their mental well-being and cellphone usage. Encourage them to share their feelings and experiences.

Seek professional help:

If you notice significant signs of mental health distress, consider consulting a mental health professional who specialises in adolescent mental health. They can provide a proper assessment and guidance for appropriate interventions.

Implement technology breaks:

Encourage regular breaks from technology to promote a healthier balance. Encourage engaging in offline activities and spending quality time with family and friends.

Create a supportive environment:

Foster a supportive and understanding environment at home where your tween feels safe discussing any challenges they may face. Be available to listen, provide guidance, and seek professional assistance if needed.

Creating a safe and non-judgmental space for tweens to discuss their concerns

When chatting with tweens about tech and mental health, start by letting them know it’s a judgment-free zone. Tell them their feelings and worries totally matter and there’s no ‘wrong’ thing to say. I reassure them that whatever they share remains confidential.

As individuals, we all need to feel loved, understood and respected and our children are no exception.

To foster and maintain healthy screen use, focus on creating a safe space for our kids to grow. When we openly communicate and listen without judgement, we build trust.

Trust makes it easier for tweens to share their digital experiences, fears, and joys. By offering guidance and setting boundaries, we show that our interest is in their well-being. In this nurturing environment, they learn to balance screen time, value themselves beyond digital comparisons, and embrace their uniqueness. Ultimately, it’s about building a foundation of love and understanding that helps them navigate the digital world with a sense of balance and self-assurance.

About Cai Graham

Cai Graham has blended nearly three decades of motherhood with her background as a Master Practitioner in NLP, Hypnotherapy and Coaching; together with her experience as a ChildLine counsellor and HomeStart volunteer. Cai created her TEEN ToolboxTM Series which provides parents and teenagers with her straight-talking approach to life and the tools to successfully navigate the vital (and sometimes rocky) stages of adolescence.

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