*This is a guest post

This year my oldest son started nursery at the local School, which has catapulted me into a crazy new world of parent volunteers, bake sales, school picnics, and PTA meetings.  I am slowly learning the ropes, but this s*** is no joke!  And to be honest, I am not sure I was as prepared as I could have been. So in an attempt to share the love, I am offering some insider info.  Here are 8 things to help you get with the Pta Agenda which you should NOT do at your first PTA meeting… 

Arrive Early

PLEASE play it cool and just arrive on time!  The veteran mums know that the meeting actually starts five minutes late.   They are either rushing in from football practice or sitting in their cars until the very last moment enjoying their first sliver of alone time all day.  You arrive early and it’s going to be awkward quality time with the caretaker and the principal.

Look Cute

 I get it, this is your big night out, but you’ve got to be a team player here.  Tuesday nights at 7pm are not when most of us shine.  We’ve got three-day post shower hair and pieces of chicken nugget stuck to our sweaters so don’t walk in all bloggermum-try-on-day chic. Please.

Draw a Smiley Face on your Name Tag

 A little enthusiasm is welcome, but act like you have been here before.  We are all in attendance, which means we all respect and love the school and want to help.  But the truth is, there are probably places we would all rather be (ya know, like saddled up to a trendy bar with a delicious cocktail).  So, just your name is fine.  Anything extra and everyone is secretly rolling their eyes at you.

Forget your Pen

 S*** is about to get real, and fast.  Details about times, dates, locations, jobs, names, etc. are going to be thrown around like you know what the eff they are all talking about.  You better have a well-inked pen in hand to jot down some frantic notes, so you can go home and google everything later. And God forbid you forget where to drop off the brownies next Wednesday.

Start Volunteering for a Bunch of S***

Okay, I get it.  Your oldest is in their first year of school and you are so excited to be joining this new community and you just want to get your hands all up in everything and show that PTA prez just how lucky she (or he, maybe!) is to have you on board.  Well guess what, mama.  You could be here for many years, with a few different kids, so this is a marathon not a sprint.  You start presenting yourself as the volunteer queen on day one, you are about to oversee eighteen bake sales in the first week.  Please, SLOW DOWN.

Bring a Kid

This could be an unpopular opinion, but PTA time is grown up time.  I’m sorry if your babysitter bailed or Jackson is having a separation anxiety issue, but for a lot of us this is our one little slice of quiet, kid-less, heaven.  So, skype in on mute, or ask for someone’s notes.  But please, leave Jackson at home.

Suggest They Take a Different Approach

Do you think that the table of women running this show don’t take this s*** seriously?  These meetings are their World Cup! So, while you may think that you are making a casual recommendation, they are going start preparing for a hostile takeover.  Suggestions will be welcome slowly, in time, and once you have established yourself as an ally.

Believe that there are “Only a Couple Things Left on the Agenda”

I hope you brought some Redbull and a sleeping bag, because this party could go on ALL night.  Sally will inevitably have six questions per topic and if a representative from the School Committee happens to stop by, consider it a slumber party.  You will survive, just pack some protein packed snacks and take bathroom breaks as needed.

Now although this is not an exhaustive list, I think it will keep you in the game.  So, go on.  You got this.  And if all else fails, bring chocolate!

Author bio:

Samm is the mum of three perfectly chaotic little crazies— Rex (5), Rocky (3), and Bizzy (1). Once upon a time she was an lawyer, but these days she’s just mumming pretty hard core. She loves Justin Bieber, the poop emoji, Deep Eddy Vodka, online shopping, peace signs, sunglasses, and her electric blanket. Oh, and she swears a lot. Follow her at One Bizzy Mommy and on Instagram and Facebook.

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