With Compliments for kids, we all think that in order to boost a child’s self-esteem, we should be complimenting them all the time. However, when children (and people in general) are told how smart they are all the time, they logically develop the mindset of thinking that they’re smart, and they develop a vulnerability around relinquishing that label.

According to the experts, there is an enormous difference between saying: “you’re so smart,” vs “you did a great job.”

Their reasoning is that when you say “you’re so smart, ” you’re praising the person. When you say “you did a great job,” you’re praising the process. Therefore, experts suggest we praise the process, not the person.

Praise The Process, Not The Person

When we praise the process, we encourage a growth mindset. When we are constantly telling our kids how smart he/she is, we may enforce the idea that intelligence comes naturally to them. This can backfire in a big way because they might believe that achievement doesn’t actually require any work on their part and that intelligence comes naturally to them.

There is a growing movement of education and parenting experts, who believe the word “smart” is toxic. They are pushing the movement to completely get rid of “the S word”. They say that we should instead focus on rewarding hard work and helping our children cope with failures, and finding an alternative approach to something they are struggling with.

Consider the mindset of a kid who is continuously told how smart she is. If she makes a mistake, (as humans inevitably do), she may worry that people will realize that she’s not as smart as they thought. With that fear of failure, she may become especially averse to making mistakes. But according to Stanford University Professor Jo Boaler – author of “What’s Math Got to Do with It? – How Teachers and Parents Can Transform Mathematics Learning and Inspire Success.” it is through mistakes that our brains grow.

Instead of fostering the mindset that they’re so smart, we should instead foster one where our children understand that they have to work hard to achieve their goals. By doing this, they’ll be more well-rounded and intelligent overall.

This is easy to do. It’s just a matter of changing the words we are using when you speak to them.

How To Offer Compliments For Kids

Instead of saying “you’re smart,” say:

1. I felt proud when you did ____________.
2. I’ve noticed how hard you’ve been trying.
3. What a creative way to solve that problem!
4. You are not afraid of a challenge! I like that.
5. I love how you took ownership of that!
6. Your creativity is inspiring.
7. I can tell you put a lot of thought into that. Great job!
8. You tried really hard on that.
9. Your hard work makes your teachers proud.
10. You’re an outstanding role model.
11. That problem was really tricky, but you persisted, and you figured it out.
12. That was a very responsible thing you did.
13. You never game up, even when it was hard.
14. I like the way you are doing ____________.
15. You have such a positive attitude.
16. I can tell you tried your very best because ____________.
17. I admire the way you do _______________.
18. You remembered to _______________. Well done!
19. That’s brave. Your willingness to take risks really paid off.
20. That must have been a hard choice to make. You have a lot of integrity.
21. You should share your idea with _______. He/she might find it helpful.
22. You are one of the most reflective people I know.
23. You really handled the situation well because _____________.
24. I know I can trust you because ______________.
25. I can tell you worked hard in your group today because __________.
26. Your practice is really paying off.
27. I can tell you worked very hard.
28. You have really improved on ____________.
29. I appreciate how helpful you are when you ______________.
30. It is really nice that you value other people’s opinions.
31. You really motivated everyone when you ____________.
32. It was brave of you to ________________.
33. I am so proud of that choice you made.
34. You did a great job participating in ________________.
35. What a creative solution to that problem!
36. Thank you for teaching me something new.
37. I’m lucky to have such a kind child/ student.
38. I value your ideas.
39. I admire your patience.
40. I noticed how prepared you were for ______________.
41. You work very well with others.
42. It takes a real leader to do what you just did. I know your actions inspire others.
43. I can tell you’re a great team player because _____________.
44. I noticed how you helped with ________________. Thank you.
45. What a great friend you are!
46. You have become a great role model. I see how _______ look up to you.
47. You’ve revised your thinking and your work here. That shows how much you’ve learned.
48. Thank you for recognizing _____’s point of view.
49. You are very detail-oriented. I can always tell which pieces are yours.
50. You’ve really mastered _______. Please share your thoughts and process.
51. You have taken great care of your ____________. Well done.
52. I know you’ve been working hard on _______, and this is where I see you succeeding.
53. You seemed overwhelmed by _______ but you worked hard and succeeded.
54. Your hard work is inspiring to us all.
55. I never thought about it that way. Thanks for pointing that out to me.
56. That situation must have frustrated you. I’m impressed by how well you managed your emotions.
57. I admire the time you invested in learning __________
58. You’re an active listening. I appreciate that.
59. You are so tenacious. That perseverance is really paying off.
60. I heard you talking to _______. You know just how to encourage people.
61. Your effort hasn’t gone unnoticed and I appreciate it.
62. You’re not afraid to try. I admire that.
63. Your willingness to try is admirable.

The post Compliments For Kids: 63 Alternatives to saying “You’re So Smart” appeared first on Tulamama.