Self care has been a tremendous Focus of mine, but it wasn’t always that way. For the better part of my life, I had experienced depression, sometimes mild, sometimes more debilitating. My most recent bout of it lasted almost a decade, and it was not even something I had full awareness of until after the fact.
Part of this stems from a lack of self-care. Wallowing in pain as someone who is self-absorbed simply does not create a healthy person focused on self-care.
Over the past few months through the launch of TAMAR, which is the first-ever unisex perfume for mental health that celebrates you for who you are and whose story is built upon the foundation of self-love, self care, and self acceptance (and not to wear scent to appeal to others), and in the context of my podcast, The Common Scents Podcast, I have spoken to many people from all walks of life, learning about their self care and self love routines. In this detailed report, I took their self care routines to heart, and went further in performing detailed research with both suggested healthy and science-backed self-care routines so that everyone here can find something that will make them feel better.
Self care is not selfish. It never has been. The more you can nurture your own psyche, the more you have the mental strength and stamina to build others up. Self care in its healthiest form is something that makes others healthy. Almost like yawning, self care is contagious. A healthy Practice of self love makes a person more desirable to others, because once you feed your soul, you can then feed the people who surround you. As they say before the airplane departs, you must put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help those around you. Self care may not feel that way, but operates in much the same way; you must focus on your own personal self before you have the mental fortitude to help others.
This next part isn’t necessarily scientific. But I can tell you, from my personal experience as a parent of four children, I became a better mother. Anecdotal experience is relatable; find something you can do for yourself and make it a consistent practice. You’ll likely be a happier, healthier, and more desirable person as a result.
In the many words that follow, I have listed a number of self care routines that I believe should be kickstarted for your self care regimen. You must take time during the day to make it a practice, a habit, preferably daily.
Given we are talking about 99 habits, though, you don’t need to do all 99. Frankly, I don’t even think you need to do 9. Take what makes you happy; not everything will jive with what you see here. Some will be harder to do than others; some will feel impossible. That’s fine, but you should do some self care daily. You owe it to yourself.
Make the time
Once upon a time, I used to say I never wanted to run. I had no time, no desire (frankly, I still don’t really love it). But on December 24, 2018, I said I’d do it. I started with the Couch to 5K (C25K) program, working my way up to a 5K which I failed miserably at (I finished, my time was just…well, walking pace, but I was “running!”). I ran two more 5Ks in 2019 with considerably better times, and with covid, I thought I’d stop, given I had the virus. Instead, I did 5Ks in my driveway (in fact, I did one on the day I tested positive), and I was okay with walking them and not going at my normal running pace. A year later, I don’t think I can match my speeds of 2018, possibly due to the lingering effects of the coronavirus. But I haven’t stopped. Every single day, I show up, whether it’s a walk with a little run or a treadmill walk/run at 11:30pm (and yes, I do those more often than I’d like to admit). Do I have time? Sometimes, really no. But self care is such a focus of my life and I see the difference. It has made a considerable impact on my life, so I’m confident with the right practice that aligns with your goals, it can work with yours.
Before I proceed with the list, as I said, I still don’t really love running. But there’s something about “showing up” that really has motivated me to keep going. For one thing, I’ve been doing it for nearly 900 days. To think of breaking that streak would be absolutely beyond reproach right now. Per Jame Clear in his book, Atomic Habits, it takes time for a habit to become ingrained. But once you do it, it becomes easier. When I stopped working out for a few weeks because I was derailed at the end of 2020, I was able to pick it up again and make it a habit again in January 2021. I run and work out because it’s a goal and I feel good after the fact, even if I don’t love the process. I know the output is self care. That’s enough for me. But this article isn’t about me. It’s about everyone. And I know I’m not much different than any other person.
Self care works. Below are some tried but true self care tactics that you should consider choosing for your life. My recommendation is to make one or two or even three of these (if not more) a more regular habit, perhaps a daily one. Don’t make more than three a daily goal, however (three may be more than enough); more than three could actually have an adverse effect on your mind especially if you do not have enough time to do everything you want on a daily basis.
That last point is important. I spent December 2018 focused on two goals: a daily practice of “running” and a daily practice of reading. I put on another daily goal of working out. In November 2020, with those being almost natural for me, I decided to start a few more goals focused on learning (watching educational videos, taking Coursera courses, all good stuff). Personal growth. Personal enlightenment. But because I was so gung-ho about doing them daily, it had an adverse effect on me. Since I couldn’t do them daily (there aren’t enough hours in the day for all the self care things I want), I fell apart. I do them sparingly without expectation now and I feel better for it.
Since January 2021, I’m back to my regular goals: running, reading, working out, and a renewed focus on good nutrition. I’m human so not every single day will be as diligent as the previous, but I’ve shown up. I’ve been feeling better than ever.
In this list below, I am providing some science-backed self-care methods that work for making you feel better.
1. Running
The simple activity of running is a rewarding experience for your mind and body. Not only does it help you stay in good shape, it triggers the release of endorphins. Endorphins are basically natural painkillers; they activate opioid receptors in the brain, leading to a feeling of euphoria. The reduced discomfort and increased pleasure leads to a general state of well-being. Running helps your body by helping maintain and even lose weight, improving your cardiovascular health, and strengthening your bones and muscles. It is the perfect antidote for a stressful day, and an amazing starter in the self-care journey.
Get Started: Follow the Couch to 5K program using a free app in the Google Play Store or the Apple App store.
2. Hydrate
Back from a long run? Drink some water. Adults should drink at least twelve glasses of water each day, roughly three liters (100 ounces). Water is essential for life. It helps maintain your core body temperature, assists in digestion, and keeps your muscles and organs functional. This, in turn, helps you feel good and promotes well-being. In addition, an adequate amount of water balances chemicals in the brain, helping manage stress and anxiety.
3. Smile!
Sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it? Yet smiling does amazing things for your mood. Smiling is perhaps the easiest self-care tactic you can practice. Studies have shown that even the simple act of smiling (even if you have no reason to) boosts your immunity, lowers feelings of anxiety, and helps the release of dopamine and serotonin, which are hormones that cause feelings of euphoria and make you feel better overall.
4. Listen to music
Music is a way to promote relaxation, especially soothing instrumentals. It is a nice way to enhance your neural networks and thus maximize your brain function. It even improves your blood flow, along with inhibiting stress hormones like cortisol and relaxing your heart rate. This is an excellent way to help yourself relax and improve your mood. Listening to music you love helps regulate your mood and rewards you with serotonin and endorphins, making you feel delighted while increasing your energy levels. Music is known to improve your memory and creativity levels. Music associated with a happy memory (concerts, time spent with a person, a party) launches you into a euphoric state. A mood regulator, music boosts your happiness chemicals and is a great self-care hack.
Freebie! Get a free month of Brain.fm, science-backed instrumental music to improve focus, meditation, and Sleep, at this link. I use it when I need total focus and the lyrics of my favorite tunes are too distracting.
Some fun stats… Over 2 million people have leveraged Brain.fm to date. Power users report an increase in focus by up to 200%.
5. Laugh more often
Laughter is the best medicine, and this is an age old saying that holds true. Explore jokes and memes, watch a comedy movie, and hang out with a funny friend. Or sometimes for no reason at all, just laugh. Laughter not only boosts your immunity, it reduces stress and makes you less prone to pain and anger, rewarding your body with serotonin and dopamine, the hormones associated with feelings of euphoria, and endorphins, the hormones that make you feel energized. Laughing more often will help you burn calories, so they’re good for your physical health as well.
6. Complete a small task
We are often stuck in a slump, which leads us to feeling low, and we then blame ourselves for not being productive enough. Every activity we perform has various tasks associated with them, and completing even the smallest of tasks (as long as we are aware) can make you feel amazing. Complete your book, do some cleaning, make a simple dish, paint a ceramic, water your plants. There are numerous tasks you can complete without having to do a lot. The brain rewards the completion of a task with dopamine, and each time we do it again, we feel more productive. A nice way to manage this is by creating a checklist. Every time you complete a task, check that off to gain further benefits and rewards.
Grab this App: Loop Habit Tracker (Android), which allows you to document the tasks you complete in a grid.
Or this one: 7Weeks (also Android, pictured right)
7. Organize and clean
More often than we think, a messy environment causes us to feel agitated and irritated, making us feel stressed and messy. Organizing a shelf, your closet, your room, or maybe even a small drawer can make you feel better. Vacuum your room, dust your shelves, clean your books, or go on an all-out cleaning spree, because all of this will make you happy. Cleaning and organizing our surroundings makes us feel productive as well as focused. It boosts our moods and we feel more confident in our abilities. Even the sight of a clean, organized place helps our brains to relax and we feel comfortable, leading to lower stress levels. The activity of cleaning creates a sense of reward and causes the release of dopamine, which in turn associates cleaning with happiness. We’re then more likely to replicate it, so it promotes a sense of tidiness.
8. Get a good night's sleep
Most people have messy sleep schedules. Adults need at least 7-8 hours of sleep daily, and it is better to have uninterrupted sleep. When we sleep well, our body repairs itself. Good sleep is essential for a healthy heart. A small nap is also very beneficial for us, as it lowers our stress levels and makes us more energized and alert. Sleeping well helps us lose weight, makes us more productive, and improves our ability to retain information. Sleep is needed for our bodies to produce various hormones, especially serotonin (which comes from a healthy and consistent sleep schedule) to boost our moods. Serotonin keeps us happy, so sleep is vital in maintaining a stable state of mind and ensuring your body works optimally, rewarding you when you deserve it.
Book to Read: Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker. This may be one of the most powerful books on sleep out there—while it may be slow to start, it’s absolutely terrifying.
Not a reader? According to science, you should start (see tip #57). But you can take Walker’s MasterClass instead.
9. Meditate
Meditation has many benefits, mostly associated with relaxation. Meditation can be performed using various procedures and can include breathing exercises using music. Alternatively, others may benefit from guided meditation. Meditation promotes feelings of relaxation, reduces levels of stress hormones, diminishes negative thoughts, and increases patience. Studies show that it helps you focus better, even improving your levels of creativity. Simple forms of meditation lead to serotonin boosts. Loving-kindness forms of meditation boost oxytocin levels, the hormone associated with love and bonding, to help you appreciate others and yourself.
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