What makes the Happy Kid Project’s approach so much more effective than anything else out there for kids? What is the primary difference between The Happy Kid Toolkit© and the other programs for kids out there? To us, here at The Reality Formula For Kids© the differences are blatantly obvious — we live with the differences every day! Our own families have shown us the powerful effect of just what The Reality Formula™ applied to families and kids can do. And our friends notice the difference too. They comment often on how responsive, respectful, creative, and self-responsible, our remarkable children are. And over the last five years, we’ve widened the web of influence by using this model in our work with kids in the community with tremendous results.
We know the secret to creating healthy, happy kids … and we’re bringing it to you!
So let me see if I can say more specifically what it is that sets us apart from other behavioral and conflict-resolving approaches?
To sum it up in the simplest way possible: it is the underlying principles upon which the Reality Formula for Kids© is based that sets us apart.
The principles I speak of are found below in their most elemental form, and they supply the foundation for teaching kids how to move out of the roles on the Unhappy Kid Triangle™, and into the roles of the Happy Kid Triangle©
The Seven Steps to a Happy Kid©
1. Observe what you’re thinking. Notice that it is your thoughts that make you feel and act happy, or unhappy.
2. Accept Reality. Reality is “just the way it is.” Even though we can’t control reality, we can choose how we think about it.
3. Choose to befriend reality and be happy, or fight it, and become an Unhappy Kid.
4. Choose happier thoughts to replace your unhappy thoughts. Remember unhappy thoughts often lead to negative consequences.
5. Be kind to others. Remember when we mistreat others, we feel bad, and they do too.
6. Own your part. When you learn from your mistakes you are a Happy Kid.
7. Be respectful. Recognize the difference between what’s your business and what is not.
The first Step emphasizes the first major difference in our approach with kids: namely, the Happy Kid Toolkit© teaches kids that it is their unhappy thinking, NOT what others say or do, that causes their own unhappiness. This step alone takes the focus off that which they cannot control (external events), and puts it on what they CAN control (their own thoughts, feelings, and responses.
And it removes the need for blame. Instead of finger-pointing, the focus is put on helping kids to discover and explore ways to take responsibility for their own happiness. Most other models resort to finding and ascribing blame, which only perpetuates the Unhappy Triangle.
When we remove blame, we also remove shame as well. Often, using The Happy Kid Toolkit©, we witness children who bully step up and take responsibility for their behavior. They own it openly … why? Because there is no punitive attitude, no shaming them or calling them bad kids. Of course, there are consequences that result for the choices they make. That’s Reality. But consequences are aimed to correct and teach children healthier options, rather than to punish or denigrate a kid for being unhappy.
We believe that there are no bad kids, only unhappy kids, who act in painful ways, because they believe the unhappy thoughts they think. Learning this helps children to stop taking the behavior of others so personal.
Another real difference between our model and others is that we rely heavily on Reality for guidance as to how to handle a situation, and we teach children to make peace with Reality.Children learn quickly through these tools that Reality is simply the way things are. NO amount of resisting Reality changes it. We teach care-givers how to utilize Reality to set the boundaries and perimeters for their children. As a result, our children learn how to make peace with the way things are right NOW, rather than to make themselves (and everyone around them) miserable about the way things are.
We teach Kids what we call, The Reality Formula™ that says this: When we believe what we think, we feel and act as if it’s true … and when we feel and act as if it’s true, then we act in ways that will prompt others to give us the evidence we seek.
To put it simply, our whole approach with kids is different. We work with kids, using not only the above mentioned principles, but by teaching them through role play ways how to recognize when they are on what we call the Unhappy Kid Triangle© and teach them healthier options they can opt for instead.
We empower kids to understand that all kids sometimes play bully, as well as the helpless baby, and that all kids also act like bossy helpers at times too – but they learn too, that there are happier roles possible. They learn to refuse to make the unhappy behavior of others about them because they come to realize that kids act the way they do because they believe what they think — which has nothing to do with them. This understanding allows children to change the way they respond to adversity, to become less reactive, and to develop more of a “live and let live” attitude that, frankly, we could all benefit more from.
These are just some of the positive results we see daily in the kids who have learned this model.
We are soon to unveil the Happy Kid Toolkit© — it’s finally ALMOST here!!!