-> A Panda Bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. The waiter brings
him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the
waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out. The bartender yells for him
to stop. The panda bear asks, "What do you want?" The bartender replies,
"First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without
paying for your food." The panda bear turns around and says, "Hey! I'm a
Panda. Look it up!" The bartender goes into the back room and looks up panda
bear in the encyclopedia, which read: "Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating
in Asian regions. Known largely for it's stark black and white coloring.
Eats shoots and leaves."


-> One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking
her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a
tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother
smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to
sleep in daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky
little voice: "The big sissy."

-> A Sunday school teacher asked the children in her class, "If I sold my
house and my car, had a -big garage -sale and gave all my -money to the church,
would I get into Heaven?""No!" the children all answered."If I cleaned the
church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I
get into Heaven?"Again the answer was "No!""Well", she continued, "then how
can I get into Heaven?"A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

-> Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal
and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend."Watson, look
up at the sky and tell me what you see."Watson replied, "I see millions and
millions of stars.""What does that tell you?" Holmes asked.Watson pondered
for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are-millions of
galaxies and potentially billions of planets.Astrologically, I observe
that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a
quarter past three. Theologically, I can
see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
"Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent!"