I have only been back at School for a week and I'm already so stressed! The deadlines seem to be piling up, and combined with the general/social anxiety of entering a classroom three or four times a day, I'm becoming a mess. No joke, I've cried so much I am becoming severely dehydrated. As I write this, I am 'dying' from a horrendous cold, which I think is probably an allergic reaction to sixth form and my ugly uniform.

For me, mental health has to be a priority and if I don't put time and attention into self love, I quickly tumble down a dangerous dark alley of self-destructive and potentially very harmful behaviour. It's like walking around on egg shells all the time, having to be really careful to not let anything push you over the edge. And it definitely does not take much to do that! When it's school holidays, I have no trouble sleeping and my insomnia is non-existent, yet as soon as school is looming we're talking between 0 and 3 hours of sleep a night. If you have insomnia go to the doctors and get SLEEPING TABLETS, IT IS THE BEST THING I EVER DID. Not really a fan/advocate of pill popping culture, but seriously, the best thing is knowing you have a backup option to help you achieve a good night's sleep. Sleep makes everything a little better. No one is ever at their best without a good amount of sleep!

Eating healthy really can boost your mood for going to school. I always skip breakfast which is such a bad habit and is probably why I lack energy and motivation throughout the morning. Keep yourself dehydrated too! I find it easier to restrict my calories when at school because my mum is not there keeping an eye on me and I can easily skip both breakfast and lunch, just having dinner at home. I think that's why my obsessive behaviour gets worse when I am at school because I can constantly counting both the calories I have consumed and the calories that I have burnt. It's very rare that I will venture into the school canteen and if I do, it's literally only for water. That's something I really need to work on!

When my stress levels get high because of school, my immediate reaction is to have a few days off and get back to it when I feel better. But this never works. It just means I have more work to catch up on and I become action about returning to the classroom after having time off. I always turn to SH, especially in autumn/winter because my mood and depression gets much much worse during the darker months. It's called SAD (seasonal affective disorder) and if you already suffer from very bad bouts of depression, it all becomes too much. I always want to cocoon myself and protect myself from all the nasty thoughts I have.

This blog post was more open than some of my other mental health posts and I am trying to be more open about things in general. I am quite a private person in real life and I hate talking to people about my problems, yet the internet is somewhere I feel quite comfortable. I love having a platform where I can express myself with limited judgement. For me, I can talk about mental health in a reasonably vague way to get my point across without feeling I have put too much of my personal life out on the internet. It's odd that the thought of discussing this with my parents makes me cringe but I'm happy for god knows how many people to read this.

Just remember, you can resit a test, or retake a school year, but you can't resave your own life. You have to put YOU first. Grades don't mean shit if you're not happy.

Love, Sophie xx