I just came across this unpublished post from September 2013. I've had full custody of my children since 2014, so this unfortunate situation is far behind me and the kids. But I found the post interesting and figure I should share it...
The fact is that many parents today are not living together. In a vast majority of those situations, the children live with the mother and the kids visit with the Father on weekends or every other weekend. For whatever reason, many fathers are ok with that. I hesitate to call them fathers. To be relegated to anything less than 50% of your children's lives is to be marginalized (this is equally true for mothers). I don't care how big it is, writing a check is not being a father.
I've been fighting for my right to be my children's father for 6 years now. The NV Supreme Court's ruling on my case could come any moment. The case has been submitted for decision and it has been over a month. It's subtle type of hell. It's been 6 years, what's another month right? Honestly, I'll survive the wait. It's nothing compared to the real hell I've been in... hearing my children talk about, "Papa Day."
Papa Day is every Sunday from 1pm to 6pm. I could see them at their Nana's home a couple more hours each week, but sooner or later I would act out in defiance of her insane control issues, thereby endangering my custody case. So Papa day it is. In my entire life I never imagined I could experience being prevented from performing my welcome obligations as my children's father. I was an only child, with wonderful loving parents. They weren't perfect, but gave it their all. ...and then some. That's the only way I know how to parent. I began this nightmare seeing my son 1 hour per week at the courthouse - not even seeing my newborn daughter. Her first year of life, I saw her a total of eight times. I'm crying now. Not for my losing out, but for her losses. There's not a doubt in my mind that given the opportunity, I'll be able to heal the easily ignored insecurity built into the foundation of our relationship, but until given that opportunity, I can only give what I know are insufficient tools to protect herself from a household governed by fear.
I was born and raised to 1. Be a Dad. 2. To empower minors (via teaching, counseling, or whatever). At the moment, I am actively being prevented from both. I am no helpless victim either. I play a significant role in holding me back as well. I have a very subtle and powerful knack for self sabotage. I learned early on that if you show 'em what you really got, they come to expect it, and that's fucking exhausting. So 80% of the time, I play at half speed; 15% - 3/4 speed; and for that last 5% I turn it on and win it with a last second, buzzer beater. ...every time; in everything. I think I find it exhilarating; the enhanced risk as being life-affirming. Anyway, I have lost; not too long ago in fact; lost BIG. I'm still in recovery and likely will be for another year. Yeah, I've never dropped the ball like that before. But I have no one else to blame. I think I'm off on a tangent. My bad...
If you're a real parent, there's virtually no chance you're in a fucked up situation like mine, but take a moment and imagine your child or children's voices filled with joy, faces lit up, running to you, "It's Papa Day!" or "It's Mama Day!" That's right... Day. Makes you want to run your head through a glass door, don't it? 6 years in the making, at any moment for the next two months (as for the last month) I will finally realize #1 and deliver the final crushing blow to the crime called Papa Day. Then it's on to empowering minors...
...off to check the NV Supreme Court web site again...
I've been fighting for my right to be my children's father for 6 years now. The NV Supreme Court's ruling on my case could come any moment. The case has been submitted for decision and it has been over a month. It's subtle type of hell. It's been 6 years, what's another month right? Honestly, I'll survive the wait. It's nothing compared to the real hell I've been in... hearing my children talk about, "Papa Day."
Papa Day is every Sunday from 1pm to 6pm. I could see them at their Nana's home a couple more hours each week, but sooner or later I would act out in defiance of her insane control issues, thereby endangering my custody case. So Papa day it is. In my entire life I never imagined I could experience being prevented from performing my welcome obligations as my children's father. I was an only child, with wonderful loving parents. They weren't perfect, but gave it their all. ...and then some. That's the only way I know how to parent. I began this nightmare seeing my son 1 hour per week at the courthouse - not even seeing my newborn daughter. Her first year of life, I saw her a total of eight times. I'm crying now. Not for my losing out, but for her losses. There's not a doubt in my mind that given the opportunity, I'll be able to heal the easily ignored insecurity built into the foundation of our relationship, but until given that opportunity, I can only give what I know are insufficient tools to protect herself from a household governed by fear.
I was born and raised to 1. Be a Dad. 2. To empower minors (via teaching, counseling, or whatever). At the moment, I am actively being prevented from both. I am no helpless victim either. I play a significant role in holding me back as well. I have a very subtle and powerful knack for self sabotage. I learned early on that if you show 'em what you really got, they come to expect it, and that's fucking exhausting. So 80% of the time, I play at half speed; 15% - 3/4 speed; and for that last 5% I turn it on and win it with a last second, buzzer beater. ...every time; in everything. I think I find it exhilarating; the enhanced risk as being life-affirming. Anyway, I have lost; not too long ago in fact; lost BIG. I'm still in recovery and likely will be for another year. Yeah, I've never dropped the ball like that before. But I have no one else to blame. I think I'm off on a tangent. My bad...
If you're a real parent, there's virtually no chance you're in a fucked up situation like mine, but take a moment and imagine your child or children's voices filled with joy, faces lit up, running to you, "It's Papa Day!" or "It's Mama Day!" That's right... Day. Makes you want to run your head through a glass door, don't it? 6 years in the making, at any moment for the next two months (as for the last month) I will finally realize #1 and deliver the final crushing blow to the crime called Papa Day. Then it's on to empowering minors...
...off to check the NV Supreme Court web site again...
