You are ‘perfect’ just the way you are. You are a creation of ‘perfection’ and this quality can never be taken away from you!
It is often the case that pain goes unrecognized by those who suffer. Joy and peace become strangers, yet the sufferer remains oblivious. The sufferer turns to means such as alcohol or drugs for instant relief from pain. As the sufferer turns more and more to this instant relief, he/she becomes even more oblivious to their pain and become unaware of the desire and possibility of living a more peaceful, fulfilling and happy life, and thus continue on a path of destruction rather than a healthy path…they do not seek long term positive solutions to their problems. Their health, careers, and peace of mind continue to fail. And, perhaps even worse than the effect their behaviour is having on their own life, is the effect such behaviour is having on the health, emotions, and well-being of family members…the very people who care about and love them the most. I was once on a path of destruction. (See My Daughter Michelle’s Story on this Blog.)
Perhaps my QEII experience was in some ways an abbreviated symbolic metaphor of many years of my life. The mental and physical symptoms that I was experiencing for a few days after my operation were similar to a night of heavy drinking and the agony of the sickening hangover that follows.
This experience, along with many years of meditative insights, were teaching me a lesson as to what was missing within me…an expression of an emptiness that I tried to fill with alcohol. I had suffered, and my suffering and behaviour had caused my family to suffer.
I had been living a life filled with feelings of guilt, unknown anger, unworthiness and fear, and I used alcohol to kill the pain that I felt while experiencing these emotions. For some reason I can now see these emotions as my friends. They were alerting me to the fact that I was living a life that was in conflict with a healthy conscience, psychology, spirit, mind, and body. It is within this awareness that positive change can be taught, learned and practiced. It is by means of these practices, as suggested in articles on this Blog, that healing takes place, and a life of happiness unfolds.
Expression and sharing are part of the human makeup and condition. Emotions are not something to be quietly dismissed or suppressed by any means, especially through substance abuse. They are to be embraced, cherished, expressed and dealt with. Express them…then learn to deal with them in a healthy holistic manner.
Emotions such as guilt, anger, unworthiness and fear can be helpful in alerting a person to life issues that need to be dealt with and overcome. The trouble is that these emotions are too often left unresolved…they then begin to fester and grow. When they are not dealt with in a healthy manner, serious problems can arise. Dealing with emotional issues through the use of substances such as alcohol only suppresses and worsens the problems. They remain hidden within, causing more grief and pain. The desire and need to use a greater amount of mind altering chemicals increases…one’s life continues on a path of destruction. This often leads not only to a personal crisis but also to a family crisis as well.
The reasons for my sudden positive life changing emotions and behaviour are worthy of exploration.
I want to be cautious about suggesting that I know what to do, or that I have "the answer" to any particular question regarding mental health issues. I have all of the same questions as other people do. Solutions, or answers, to many problems can occur when individuals begin to share their stories. Answers to our questions can unfold during conversations and discussions. It is part of the human condition to “share”. Since each personal situation can be so different, “sharing” can offer solutions that go beyond typical pre-planned general resolutions that are applied to every situation. Discover the healing solutions for you!
When sharing, create an atmosphere of trust…an atmosphere where individuals feel safe. It is within this type of loving atmosphere where true answers and solutions can unfold, and where individuals feel safe enough to admit to their problems. It can be the beginning of positive change. It is obvious to me that I felt very safe when I first openly admitted to my drinking problem.
It is often very difficult for family members to form the type of rapport necessary to help a loved one change negative behaviour. Their emotional attachment is so powerful that it can actually create blocks or barriers that prevent the family’s desires to unfold. When dealing with loved ones it is very easy to create, or perpetuate, a negative situation where the person whose behaviour we want to change, develops feelings of emotional fear, guilt or shame. They feel judged…unsafe…and afraid to admit they have a problem. Therefore, they become defensive and resistant to change. Resistance is often an indication of a lack of rapport, thus an atmosphere of safety has not been created. It is extremely important to create a relaxed, non-judgemental atmosphere and state of mind. It is not a state that can be faked. The reality is that it may be realistically impossible to create such a setting, at least in the beginning…that is why outside help is required.
The power of a process based on emphatic listening, understanding, compassion and loving kindness can produce worthy outcomes.
We all carry symbolic emotional tumors at times in our lives…tumors such as guilt, unworthiness, fear…emotional tumors that cause us pain and suffering. Just as my physical tumor was removed, we can all remove our disabling emotional tumors. By removing these tumors we remove the source of the pain and suffering, and we begin to experience joy and love. It is our choice. We may experience moments of defeat, but eventually we will be victorious!
Some battles may be lost along the way, but never give up…refuse to fail at your endeavour!
Possibly, my brain tumour experience was the turning point for me. We have to be brave, and make difficult decisions. The warrior in us fights many battles…some battles are lost, but the warrior lives on to fight another day and becomes a healthy survivor but never a failure.
A phrase that I sincerely believe, yet have been cautioned about using when dealing with troubled individuals, is “you are perfect just the way you are.” It is a phrase that can be easily misunderstood. In is important to know that this statement has absolutely nothing to do with accepting negative behaviour. For example, some might take it to mean that “being an alcoholic is a perfect way to spend your life.” However, the power behind the statement is a belief that all individuals are always perfect even when their behaviour is not. It is a statement that helpers often use to explain a human quality which always exists within them. It is often referred to by some counsellors, psychologists, life coaches, or motivational speakers as the Core Self, or Authentic Self, True Self, True Essence, Soul or Divine Self. This part of our Being never leaves us; it is always present, and it is always “perfect”. Knowing about the existence of this Perfect Self, is a life-changing awareness … an awareness that has helped me change my life. It is an awareness that will greatly improve one’s ability to help others. It is a belief that can help guide an individual to a place where a willingness to change negative behaviours can occur. This belief helps to break down barriers that have been preventing those who suffer to make positive changes in their lives…preventing them and family members from experiencing a better life where happiness and fulfillment finds them.
Form a positive rapport with individuals thus allowing them to feel safe…it helps them not only know, but feel and sense that someone truly cares about their well being. It is within this exchange of positive energy …this rapport… that individuals often begin to view themselves differently, and begin to experience a willingness to change. The blocks and barriers that life experiences have created, and that have prevented a connection to this inner quality, begin to break down. The MASK that one has created, and that hides them from this Essence begins to fade away. Paul Ferrini states in his book, Real Happiness and Love Without Conditions:
“Behind everyone’s mask is pain, anger, fear, guilt, shame, grief, envy, you name it. Behind the mask is a wounded human being. That is true not just for some of us. It is true for all of us…we must throw away our mask and with it the need to disguise, or deny our pain.”
Both men and women must understand the truth, wisdom and courage that are being expressed through the flow of tears.
Sharing has created the above flow of ideas. It may not be the answer to your questions, but eventually within the sharing of ideas, the answer will appear. Again, I do not have “the answer”. My hope is to create safe discussions for individuals and families who are dealing with mental health issues.
Spiritual practices such as meditation and wise teachings can also assist in enabling a person to learn the importance of awareness of the body and mind in the here & now. With the help of spiritual practices, and other modalities discussed on this Blog, I am experiencing many moments of peace and happiness as I get rid of toxic mental states. I am becoming more in touch with, and developing a more positive mindset and character based on understanding, compassion and loving-kindness, as opposed to momentary happiness based in the temporary fulfillment of external desires.
Through the study of various spiritual teachings related to such issues as Birth & Death, the Art of Suffering & how suffering can lead to greater understanding, compassion, & love, the Art of Forgiving, Happiness is Here & Now, and the notion of living life in a non-duality world, I am more capable of living in the present, detached from outcomes.
We all possess the capacity to transcend to a state where we discover and understand the true meaning of “happiness”. The seeds of love, compassionate, & freedom for one’s self and others will manifest with the aid of mindfulness teachings and practices.
Let us not feed the emotional states of suffering, anger, or hatred in others with the energy of judgmental guilt, anger or hatred. Let us learn to feed the painful states of others with love, and witness anger and hatred towards oneself and others melt away.
May you be peaceful…may you be happy…may you be love/loved…forever as you continue to manifest on your journey of eternal impermanence throughout this Universe…in whatever form that might be.
* Note: It is always of value to have a medical doctor be part of the team you choose for your holistic approach to dealing with any type of illness.
