There was a girl in my life for a portion of it.  She was with me for a part of my life where I developed a lot and so a lot of that development was around her.  She came from a very Christian home and I held her, and her family, in high esteem.  Over time though, I was growing apart from her.  I was growing increasingly uncomfortable with her idea of normality.  There was no commitment to me - no hunger for things to develop.  There were other things as well, like there was a part of her under the surface that I didn't understand; something I could never connect to.  I almost felt like, whatever was going on under that surface, wasn't part of me and it made me feel quite inadequate in the relationship.

I believed her family's version of Christianity at the start.  I was happy to because it gave me a comfort and structure that had, prior to that time, been missing in my life.  It was also preached to me with such certainty that I didn't doubt it.  I started to examine the theology of their beliefs, as time went on, and holes started to appear in their doctrine.  The more I searched, the more confused I became.  I asked questions, made accusations of inconsistencies, and was rebuked for them.  I was told that what I was doing was questioning the authority of God and, at one time, that I had committed The Unforgiveable Sin.  There were professions of miracles, of casting out demons, of wonders and signs. I really wanted to believe in it all but I couldn't.  It didn't add up.

Eventually we broke up and went our separate ways.  It was about six months later that we got back in contact and she visited me on one Saturday night.  She stayed until 2 am and we sat in the living room talking.  Towards the end of the night she told me a story of how there was some sexual deviance at her Church involving a church leader and how God had told her Father about it.  She said her father had asked the person involved to come clean about it over their own accord, but that person denied it.  Eventually her father had to tell the church himself.  She told me all the details of the story and how it was that her father was definitely a prophet from God.  She told him we were wrong to ever doubt him.

At that moment I knew that I couldn't ever have a future with her because I didn't believe that her father was anything but a man who pursued power and glory under the guise of Christianity.  He wanted to be the almighty prophet, to be famous and wise and to have people hanging on his every word.  I thought he was just a mixed up egotist.

Lately though, her father stands accused of acts which can only be described as evil.  If convicted of these suspected deeds, he faces the rest of his life in prison.  I don't feel sorry for him because, if its true, he carried these acts out over a very long time and he knew exactly what he was doing.  I feel sorry for the girl.  She didn't deserve any of that, from the day she was born until the present day, and I wonder where her life would be if she hadn't been raised by a man like her father.