So you feel the glorifying thought of moving on when your FB stats get raves of congratulatory reviews and countless likes. But as soon as the last flicker of LED light in your laptop goes dark, the euphoria changes to something raw, unmasked, and heavy: breakups are painful. The Pain gets stronger when the audience has left and the mind dwells on it like an intimate Oprah interview.
Nothing wrong with it, really. After all, you don't wanna lose more people should you decide to go an extra mile of showing how you truly feel. So we deal with it, keeping the blood and the carcass of the battle in the back door. Here's a sad reality of life: people don't really give a damn if you're happy, they just don't wanna take part in the negativity should it extend.
We have lived this life thinking it's the person and not the relationship so we instinctively look for a replacement. But take heed of these 5 signs before you decide a new one should help you move on.
You still have the same issues
Petty as it seems, but stuff like being late, having a bad breath, or being very critical of things contribute big to failing relationships. If you still don't plan on addressing them after a breakup, there's a big risk of a recurrence next time. These stuff are called basics and fundamentally most of us view them as 'problems' no matter who the person is.
No one is perfect, yes, but resistance to change for if-you-can't-handle-me-at-my-worst-then-hell-you-don't-deserve-me-at-my-best arrogance's sake, then you'd never make the next relationship work. This is not a fix, it's you owing yourself a chance to enjoy better relationships next time.
You still feel the pain
Remember when Wolverine told Cyclops (X-Men: The Last Stand) that Jean Grey is gone and he needs to move on and Cyclops replied, "Not everyone heals as fast as you do"? All unfortunate events have their grieving period. Breakups are one of them and they stung like damn bees. May it be 2 days, 2 months, or a year, if the pain is growing in strength then you will be unfair to the new relationship.
You may say, "Of course there's always pain, you Wolverine wannabe." Yes, but if it's rooted in the regrets of you giving it your all or you feeling robbed, you're setting yourself to an even greater pain because when this 'new' relationship ends eventually, disappointment will join in the fun.
What to do? Use the pain to fuel you to do positive things. Change your perspective. If you have resources, organize a feeding program or start a donation drive. There's always an organization to help you over and they will be more than willing to organize it for you. Helping others to lessen their pain will neutralize your own.
If you find these suggestions tedious, follow groups in FaceBook you share the same passion with (say Literacy for Poor Children, Justice for Animals, Save Bohol, etc) and help them spread their cause's message by utilizing your voice in social media. Got no social media accounts? (Which cave have you been?) Adopt an abandoned derelict pet. The results will be amazing for both of you.
With every success and failure of imparting yourself to these avenues you sow a stronger you. The pain will become a distant memory whose impact will dim in time.
You don't thrive being single
When you keep losing friends after the breakup and is causing unnecessary family drama on dinners and reunions then chances of your new relationship lasting up to 24 hours is as slim as Kim Kardashian winning a Grammy. It's imperative that you become self-aware of your, well, self? Only then you will have a sense of how people see you and react to your presence.
This is not to please them. Hell no. This is you accepting your imperfections and being aware of them. With acceptance comes opening to changes that will make your life and relationships better. You deserve to have great friends, to be respected in the family, to be viewed as someone sensitive of other's needs and feelings.
Of course, it's easier said than done ONLY if you think you don't deserve it.
You see your Ex every time there's a prospect
There's this term people use for those who crave new relationships but couldn't get over with the past: Rebounds. Maybe the new one reminds them of their Ex's wit, looks, or bed performance. Needless to say, the new relationship suffers when the new one couldn't live up to the preconceived model you have associated them of with your Ex.
It ain't gonna happen. They may share the same mannerisms or favourite underwear brand but the other person will remain as the other person. It's like going to a new store looking for the same item the previous store sells. While totally erasing the previous one's existence in our mind (and heart) is impossible, if you water it with longing and reminisces they will hold on to you like that pimple on your back.
What you need is a mind detox. Memories are only strong when they're in our senses' vicinity. Delete every text message, instagram pic, and hell even 'your' love songs in your iTunes. Yes, even those pictures in your Box account. Annihilate them all. Also, avoid the places your previous relationship has had strong memories with.
If you feel even a second's of hesitation doing these, then you are not ready to help yourself and your new relationship, for you haven't moved on and still fantasizing of a reunion. It's always your choice.
You haven't forgiven yourself
I know it bloody sucks that you weren't good enough for that person, that it didn't work out, that we keep beating ourself up to find answers. Yes, we may grieve for a while but we must find ways to make it shorter. Our friends and families also deserve our time and to hear our laughter even when it sounded like a horse being attacked by an angry hen.
Again, it's easier said than done. But the natural transition of life is going that way: you will have to move on sooner or later. The question you should be asking is why make it later? We must forgive ourself of our failure. Sh*t happens and we're just people. To sum it all, here's a quote for you:
Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.
In a nutshell, true moving on is freeing yourself and the people around you of the negative baggage your previous gamble has caused you.
Writing this is quite painful. I just had my own meltdown last year and while there's still pain, I'm grateful to the experience. I say this with a smile, really. I'm excited to begin again, in the near future.
Hope this article helped you in any way.
Nothing wrong with it, really. After all, you don't wanna lose more people should you decide to go an extra mile of showing how you truly feel. So we deal with it, keeping the blood and the carcass of the battle in the back door. Here's a sad reality of life: people don't really give a damn if you're happy, they just don't wanna take part in the negativity should it extend.
We have lived this life thinking it's the person and not the relationship so we instinctively look for a replacement. But take heed of these 5 signs before you decide a new one should help you move on.
You still have the same issues
Petty as it seems, but stuff like being late, having a bad breath, or being very critical of things contribute big to failing relationships. If you still don't plan on addressing them after a breakup, there's a big risk of a recurrence next time. These stuff are called basics and fundamentally most of us view them as 'problems' no matter who the person is.
No one is perfect, yes, but resistance to change for if-you-can't-handle-me-at-my-worst-then-hell-you-don't-deserve-me-at-my-best arrogance's sake, then you'd never make the next relationship work. This is not a fix, it's you owing yourself a chance to enjoy better relationships next time.
You still feel the pain
Remember when Wolverine told Cyclops (X-Men: The Last Stand) that Jean Grey is gone and he needs to move on and Cyclops replied, "Not everyone heals as fast as you do"? All unfortunate events have their grieving period. Breakups are one of them and they stung like damn bees. May it be 2 days, 2 months, or a year, if the pain is growing in strength then you will be unfair to the new relationship.
You may say, "Of course there's always pain, you Wolverine wannabe." Yes, but if it's rooted in the regrets of you giving it your all or you feeling robbed, you're setting yourself to an even greater pain because when this 'new' relationship ends eventually, disappointment will join in the fun.
What to do? Use the pain to fuel you to do positive things. Change your perspective. If you have resources, organize a feeding program or start a donation drive. There's always an organization to help you over and they will be more than willing to organize it for you. Helping others to lessen their pain will neutralize your own.
If you find these suggestions tedious, follow groups in FaceBook you share the same passion with (say Literacy for Poor Children, Justice for Animals, Save Bohol, etc) and help them spread their cause's message by utilizing your voice in social media. Got no social media accounts? (Which cave have you been?) Adopt an abandoned derelict pet. The results will be amazing for both of you.
With every success and failure of imparting yourself to these avenues you sow a stronger you. The pain will become a distant memory whose impact will dim in time.
You don't thrive being single
When you keep losing friends after the breakup and is causing unnecessary family drama on dinners and reunions then chances of your new relationship lasting up to 24 hours is as slim as Kim Kardashian winning a Grammy. It's imperative that you become self-aware of your, well, self? Only then you will have a sense of how people see you and react to your presence.
This is not to please them. Hell no. This is you accepting your imperfections and being aware of them. With acceptance comes opening to changes that will make your life and relationships better. You deserve to have great friends, to be respected in the family, to be viewed as someone sensitive of other's needs and feelings.
Of course, it's easier said than done ONLY if you think you don't deserve it.
You see your Ex every time there's a prospect
There's this term people use for those who crave new relationships but couldn't get over with the past: Rebounds. Maybe the new one reminds them of their Ex's wit, looks, or bed performance. Needless to say, the new relationship suffers when the new one couldn't live up to the preconceived model you have associated them of with your Ex.
It ain't gonna happen. They may share the same mannerisms or favourite underwear brand but the other person will remain as the other person. It's like going to a new store looking for the same item the previous store sells. While totally erasing the previous one's existence in our mind (and heart) is impossible, if you water it with longing and reminisces they will hold on to you like that pimple on your back.
What you need is a mind detox. Memories are only strong when they're in our senses' vicinity. Delete every text message, instagram pic, and hell even 'your' love songs in your iTunes. Yes, even those pictures in your Box account. Annihilate them all. Also, avoid the places your previous relationship has had strong memories with.
If you feel even a second's of hesitation doing these, then you are not ready to help yourself and your new relationship, for you haven't moved on and still fantasizing of a reunion. It's always your choice.
You haven't forgiven yourself
I know it bloody sucks that you weren't good enough for that person, that it didn't work out, that we keep beating ourself up to find answers. Yes, we may grieve for a while but we must find ways to make it shorter. Our friends and families also deserve our time and to hear our laughter even when it sounded like a horse being attacked by an angry hen.
Again, it's easier said than done. But the natural transition of life is going that way: you will have to move on sooner or later. The question you should be asking is why make it later? We must forgive ourself of our failure. Sh*t happens and we're just people. To sum it all, here's a quote for you:
Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.
In a nutshell, true moving on is freeing yourself and the people around you of the negative baggage your previous gamble has caused you.
Writing this is quite painful. I just had my own meltdown last year and while there's still pain, I'm grateful to the experience. I say this with a smile, really. I'm excited to begin again, in the near future.
Hope this article helped you in any way.
