I am Trump.  It is 3 am. I am awake and ever vigilant. When I become president I will be standing guard 24/7 and will never sleep. Can Hillary make that claim?  I think not.

I am Trump. It is  3:10 am.  Women who let themselves go and don’t have the discipline to push themselves away from the table, become fat pigs. Shame on them. Melania, my Slovene beauty, will never get fat or else she will be gone. It’s in the pre-nup.

I am Trump, it is 3:20 am. If the phone rings in the Oval Office at 3:20 am, I will be awake to answer it. I have the stamina. My bud, Vlad Putin, knows he will be able to reach me any time, any day, even if it is just a courtesy call to tell me that Russia has annexed Ukraine.

I am Trump. It is 3:40 am. While America sleeps I am awake in my High Tower looking at proposed designs for The Wall.  How high should I make it? 10 feet? 20 feet? 30 feet? Topped with concertina wire? Triple concertina wire? Watch Towers with armed guards? So many good options.

I am Trump. It is 4 am. What’s with Hillary’s pants suits? Come on babe, show a little leg.  No, on second thought, who wants to see a 68-year old woman’s legs. I certainly don’t. My Melania certainly isn’t reluctant to show off her legs, and so much more.  

I am Trump. It's 4:30 am. I’ve don’t read much, but I’ve been trying to read some policy papers prepared by my advisors.  So many words. What a snooze. Besides, actions speak louder than words and I’m a man of action.

I am Trump. It’s 5 am. I was just on the phone with Vlad, a man who knows how to lead a country. Vlad wanted to talk about developing a Trump golf resort on the Black Sea. I referred him to my brilliant son, Eric, who manages Trump’s golf and resort properties.

I am Trump. It's 5:45 am. Chris, Rudy and Newt will be over later today to kiss some Trump ass.Curly, Moe and Shemp.They keep me amused and can say things even I can't say. My three usefull idiots.

I am Trump. It’s 6:30 am. Have you noticed that men can be attractive regardless of age, but women, not so much?  Poor Hillary. Melania will never age. Check that, at least not on my watch. The minute she starts showing her age, she’s out the door.  It’s in the pre-nup. 

I am Trump. It's 7:15 am. It’s a new day, but rest assured I’m the same Trump, ready to transform the country and the world. That is a promise. I am not lying.