I've probably spent a lot of Money on clothes. There are clothes everywhere, on my bed to be categorized, on my bed to be ironed, in my wardrobe, in the washing machine, in the washroom, some out in the open to dry, some in bags to be donated.
There are so many clothes I forget about when I have to go out and decide what to wear. Looks like I never valued them but now I am valuing them.
There's an energy of money today.
I woke up with the desire to write an Instagram story about Dr. Gaurav Deka's work. Two hours later he writes a post, tags me in it and asks me to post a story about him too. I love how energies and thoughts work. If this isn't telepathy, I don't know what is.
I wrote about guilt around having money, charging money. I wrote about the freedom money can buy for you which we often forget. Here's the post and I feel great.
I also read The Art of Healing again from cover to cover. By writing this book, I did a great favour to myself - this book makes me feel better every time I read it. I hardly read any of my own writings/books/posts, except for this book only.
On friendships, whatever I wrote yesterday just got reaffirmed today with a little heart-breaking incident. I am done writing about. I am creating boundaries now. Also, I'll probably leave this house and Bangalore. I will probably go back home and travel from time to time. Turns out you are only a heart-break away from leaving the city, or multiple heart-breaks.
There was also an energy of
Death today that came up in the Sunday morning energy clearing call.
What have I made so vital, valuable and real about death that it kills my enthusiasm to live? RWGBPPA9SBB (Access Clearing)
More than physical death I think it is judgement around death of relationships. I'd rather cling on to toxic relationships than cutting off my ties. I'd rather go into self-judgement of not being able to be a better friend, instead of deciding that the other person is simply not your match and hence, not worth your time and energy.
I am calling it quits with the person I was dating temporarily. We did have a good time but it was not going anywhere, nor does his ego allow to even flinch twice before dating/ talking to another person. Remember the 2 friends I spoke of that I need to demote? One of them started talking him today itself and he started responding. Not that I mind because I had already checked out on Wednesday, but today morning I was thinking if he deserved a second chance. :-( (On a separate note, the other of two friends wanted to date one of my exes just to teach him a lesson. What are we? In college? Don't they have any other thing to do apart from boys? Sigh! I am in a lot of soup. One day I hope to come back to this post and laugh it off. Not today though. I can't wait to leave Bangalore and move away from all of this.)
Also. saw signs of BRIGing (Basking in Reflected Glory) - a word I learnt only today from an 18 yo. But yes, the guy needs to come out of his story of 2014 on how his ex dumped him and he was depressed, is autistic and has ADHD, but came out of it well without taking medicines. It was a great story for the first discussion but not when you repeat it over and over again. It often implies, at a subconscious level, that you feel nothing greater or evolutionary will come later.
Do I think too much? Yes, and I love it because I can write all this, Such things help me identify patterns when it comes to my counseling sessions. I don't think a lot when I am dating the person. But after a break-up, after a failure, thinking does everyone good. It gives people a chance to evolve and choose better.
Something beautiful happened in the evening though. Santosh, my ex-colleague, dropped by to give me some scooty driving lessons. I thought we would need days of practice. He took me to an open field and just showed me the methods and asked me to drive. Just like that, within 15mins I was driving it all by myself around the field, with some stops here and there. He was supportive, encouraging, motivating. He told me to just have fun and remove the fears. Everybody tells you to remove the fears but very few people remind you to have fun. It was a lot of fun. Fun worked for me. Spark Joy with Marie Kondo :-).
He also reminded me of consistency when it comes to maintaining the speed. Everything you want in life lies on the other side of consistency. I can only be thankful for today. I don't know what good I did to deserve it. I met him only twice last year and once this year by accident.
Life's good. All I want is to be doing everything I was parking for later. I am ironing the remaining clothes now.
Next Category? Shoes. :-)
