I started with the second closet. This one has got many more clothes than the first one. But once the sorting system is in place this won't be very tough.

I also picked up one of the tops to wear from the first closet. I hadn't worn it a lot of late but I didn't feel like discarding it. Turns out the top does bring me joy.

My health was not very well yesterday and today I felt okay, normal, livable.

I reminded myself to not put any pressures in terms of time on myself, to create or do things just for the joy of it.

I haven't yet finished sorting but some amazing energies showed up today.

In early Feb, I helped a client identify Money Blockages and encouraged her on its clearing. We did a tarot and spiritual counseling session too. She is a healer herself, around 39 years old, and took my advice seriously. I spoke to her today and her money blockages are cleared. A lot of moving on happened in her love life too. I enjoyed the vibes she was radiating.

She told me each year you'll see similar themes in the topics clients bring for Healing or counseling. This year I think the theme is money. I have already spoken to two other clients who are wishing to clear their money blockages. For one of them, I did a free session and changes happened for the next two days but then it relapsed. This is what happens when you do a free session, The next client would book a slot next week. Exciting work ahead.

But she and I also spoke of clearing friendships that don't make sense to us. It's only a synchronicity that I wrote about it yesterday and the two "friendships" I identified to let go of. She could perceive what I was going through. And also the fact that I was going into the wrongness of me, of finding faults within me to not be able to have a healthy Friendship with these two people.

And she shared her pearls of wisdom. 

"You've listened to their stories. Have they ever listened to yours?"

No.

"You've given them so much advice. Have they ever taken it?"

No.

"How come they repeat and replay the same stories and patterns? Because they aren't here for advice. They are just dumping their trauma on you."

She was making sense. I often identified their behaviour with emotional dumping where you don't even ask how the other person is doing and just start sharing. I didn't know it was trauma dumping as well.

"Because they realize and pray that you remain single and always available to them. You are their free therapist but they won't even listen because they keep enjoying making you listen to them. If you stop they will find someone else as their punching bag. Friendship is a two-way street. If they are not there for you ever, if they are not even taking your advice, who are you to them? They are for sure not your equals."

What she said not only made sense but it also was empowering. I felt liberated that it wasn't I who was feeling this.

Last year, when I had reached out to one of my actual friends from college, she had told me that since you are fairly popular people would want to be your friend. It's up to you to whom you give access to.

This time the same thoughts were echoed back to me while I didn't learn. I did cut off my ties last year after trying to explain what I was feeling, but these two particular "friends" never understood. I went back to them this year and found myself in a serious stuck situation. You can't leave. They'd keep calling and texting and lamenting on how they don't have a boyfriend.

"Explaining won't help them. They are just making you do their emotional labour. And you, my friend, are allowing that. You've done so much healing work for yourself. Now let them do it for themselves, too."

She was right. All my advice, my explanations, my anecdotes have just become gossip for them. They still talk badly about me behind my back, and they will continue doing so. My explanations won't stop them from doing so. My avoidance won't create any worse difference.

I don't even believe that I am different to them because they talk badly about all their other friends too. And how they are the victims in every situation, in need of kindness and sympathy.

"Everyone is not given the same blessing. When they're ready for serious self-healing work, they will take a session from you. Till the time they are not, don't let your energy be sucked and drained by them. And see how your life changes for the better."

"Create your boundaries. And before that honour yourself enough to have your boundaries intact. If you don't honour yourself, honour your ancestors who have passed down these talents of empathy and healing to you. It's not your job to fix anyone. When people come to you for healing, you charge them for your services and let them go. It's up to them how much they can work on themselves and how much they won't. You are not responsible after the session."

A doctor can prescribe the medicines, but not make the patient eat them. I realized I don't have to give any explanations and cut off. I can walk away slowly while also giving them the chance to evolve. If they evolve, it's great, if they don't, it's great.

I am not going to be available 24*7 for them.

I remember another senior colleague tell this to me a few months back that when someone is drowning and you try to save them, their first instinct is to pull you down to drown to save themselves.

"Resist the urge to jump in. Everyone’s inclination is going to be to jump in and try to save the drowning swimmer. However, this action can actually cause more problems than it solves. A drowning swimmer’s first instinct is to grab onto or pull on the person trying to save them, which means the person trying to help could also end up drowning. Try reaching for the person while you’re still on land."

I was allowing myself to drown all this while. As I recollect we weren't even friends until the pandemic happened and I was doing Tarot readings, and eventually we became "friends" which meant I was just listening to them crib and providing them emotional support. Healing sessions don't happen for free. And friendships happen between equal people where both care about each other.

I just get a ping on my Instagram after this where one of the two pseudo-friends typed - X is getting married to Y. X was one of her exes. Not her only one ex, just one of them. I couldn't care less.