Letting go is hard work. I'd rather keep the entire house to store my unused items than to just get rid of the unused items.

I kept my Clothes from the first closet yesterday. Today I need to discard after asking two simple questions-

1. Does this give me joy?

2. Will this make me more money?

If the answer is no, I need to throw them away. 

It's harder than it sounds. I like to keep everything for a rainy day. "Maybe I'd need it someday," I convince myself.

So I have a plan to categorize as below:

1. Brings me joy

2. Will bring me money

3. Joy and Money - both

4. I've never worn it but might need for a rainy day

5. Absolutely not wearable. Make it a pocha.

When I got to work, this plan failed. Only a couple of clothes brought me joy. That'd be difficult to deal with.

So I categorized practically this time-

1. Clothes I regularly wear

2. Clothes I never wear but I might wear someday

3. Clothes I absolutely never wear and will not wear

The third category goes to donation.

The first category became a pile of clothes I often wear and are comfortable to wear.

The second category became a pile of clothes which are not very comfortable but I'd like to wear someday.

The good part of this entire exercise was that by the end of it, when I was packing the third pile to donate, I looked at the second pile again.

Am I really going to wear them?

Don't I have enough already?

When I give them out for donation they go to someone needier than I am.

And yes, I need to make space for better clothes to come.

I packed the second category for donation too. This letting go of material attachment seemed like a big success to me.

My only take away from this little exercise was that I need to make space - not only physical space but mental and emotional space too.

We all need to make space for better things to come- better clothes, better friendships, better relationships.

This also made me realize of two toxic friendships I have been clinging on to. I had the awareness from last year itself that I need to let them go, They only come to me to crib and whine about not having a boyfriend, In that, they make me their stand-by boyfriend - always available for them, listening to them. They've assumed I'd always be single. They don't think twice or even ask me before emotionally dumping their negative thoughts on me.

The fault was mine. I entertained them with sympathy in the beginning. I was always there for them. And eventually I realized they were hardly ever there for me. They have hardly given me one good advice or listened to my Stories. They have hardly shown any empathy to me or tried to know more. If I haven't shared something they've complained that I don't consider them as a good friend. How will I?

Have I given them enough benefits of doubts? I did. Last year, I shut them out for a good few months. This year when I got back to Bangalore I tried to rekindle the friendships. Their stories never change. The first day we talk it seems like they are working on themselves. From the next day, it's the same victim story of how everyone in the world is bad, even the meekest cutest people I know have harmed them in some way. In my absence, they probably tell the same stories about me. Every conversation is just gossip for them.

Last year, I let one of them stay in my house for a good one month. This year I go to her place for a weekend only and the talks start on how I am using her. These are adult women we are talking about, of the same age, almost aspiring to be the smartest person in their organizations and here they are complaining about how everyone uses them.

I understand these feelings but sooner or later these need to stop, and one needs to learn to step into their own power. They take me for their free therapist without even taking the advice I have to share nor even reciprocating in terms of giving me some good advice.

I'd really like to live so unconsciously and just go about life thinking I am the victim everywhere. But I've grown up and I wish, they grow up too. When I reconnected this year they were telling about how they were coming out of there victim stories. But once I strengthened the friendship and they felt I am not going anywhere, these thought processes started again.

The trouble is that I am empathic and a receiver. I receive their words and then I get sucked out of energy. It's difficult to live up to their expectations. I can never pacify them. No one can. They go on one date in the morning, another in the evening, and ask me why no one loves them. Aah! I can go on and on about them and that's exactly why I need to let go of them.

If they were boys, I'd have happily broken up with them. But how do you break up in friendships?

It's hard to let go of friendships and we end up feeling if we could have been a better friend. But we can only lead someone to water, we can't make them drink it.

I recognize it's toxic and it brings out my own toxicity. If I don't believe in hanging out with people I don't like then why do I? Because I am pampered by their surprise gifts? Because I feel lonely and their calls sometimes makes me feel better? But most days I feel exhausted and suffocated.

I tried saying this last year to them. This year the stories come again on how they are suicidal, how everyone's given up on them. I wrote on Instagram that I am not an emergency service nor an expert on this to give them the hint. I had wrote previously on Emotional Dumping too - to ask before you dump.

Nothing has worked.

This time I will make my distance slowly and eventually. It's sad that they'd see me as a best friend. I am a good friend to have, a good listener, always single, always available, pretty fun in parties if I want to be and moderately rich and famous. Haha! Maybe. 

But friendship is a two-way street, You have to give as much as you receive.

And I, a smart yet dumb woman, need to learn to not let myself be a doormat, and instead make space for better friendships to come. They have plenty of friends without me too. They will continue to party and hang out with them. 

But what will I, someone who hardly parties and hardly shares her stuff, and then to only shares it with people who call me up themselves, do? I need better people in my life - more supportive, more encouraging, more empathic, with more positive energy and talks. And for that I need to make space.

Here's to making space - in our closets and in our lives.