Yesterday I won 2.5 million Euros in a Dutch Lottery - twice! I won 1 million pounds in The National Lottery email draw and was Offered a share of 38 million dollars if I let a Russian heir to some fortune or another place his money in my bank account for 3 months. Boy have I got it made! So much so that the Chase Bank of America seem to think I have an account with them that's being hacked several times a day.

Should I need Viagra, I've been offered it at a huge 75% discount and I can even get a pack of 3 condoms absolutely free of charge when I order more than 30 of the same. I've also been offered Zoloft, but as I'm not sure what that is, I think I'll give that one a miss.

The unnamed Indian pain relief medication sounds interesting, as does the Prilosec, but only because I like the name and it ends with the initials I had as an unmarried girl.

What I don't understand, though, is why anybody would think I should need to enlarge my penis. Isn't it big enough as it is? Yes, I know it's non-existent but that's the point! I don't have one so why should it be bigger? Maybe they think I'll buy their 'Sensational Revolution in Medicine' for Richard? It'd certainly make an unusual gift idea but somehow I can't see him thanking me for it.

Isn't email a wonderful thing?